Purplecatlover

Hey SR,
New here. Day 12. Feel very committed, positive about sobriety. My resolve to quit is stronger than my cravings... For now. I'm a drink til I pass out alcoholic. Once I start, can't stop, etc. My husband is a drink 2-3 bourbon double everyday alcoholic. But HE stops. Has control I guess you could say. My problem is I'm trying so hard to quit (for good) and he just keeps drinking. He knows I have a serious problem. I can't help but feel angry. I don't want to drink. I just want him to stop b/c I know how horrible it is for you mentally & physically. I know it's selfish of me. I can only concentrate on me. Control myself but it makes it hard. And I'm scared when I have that weak moment, it'll be there calling me. It's like he's just waiting for me to fail, like I've done hundreds of times before ... Many broken promises, guess I don't blame him. Sorry for ranting.

Fenris

Yeah, it's kinda unrealistic and unfair of us to try and impose our sobriety on other people, including those closest to us, but I had the same feelings towards my wife when I first quit drinking. It gets better. I asked my wife not to leave alcohol in "easy-access" places for the first month and to not drink around me (at least go to a different room) and that worked out okay. I mean, if I decide to drink, I'm going to drink regardless of what anyone else does -- so as long as I could convince her to take a few simple steps not to tempt me any more than necessary, I was okay. Maybe something like that would work for you? I've been sober a little over four months now and she can drink around me again, so hang in there.

--Fenris.

lookinforward

I agree that it is extremely hard to deal with your spouse/room mate/significant other drinking daily around you after you have commited to stop. I went through it and it was not easy. The effects of the alcohol on my wife seemed amplified the first few months. It would drive me crazy!!!!! Well she gave me space and I did not cave. Now almost 10 months later she has gotten on board with me and it is awesome. No rediculous arguments. No more wine bottles everywhere. No more will you open this.(that took resolve). Bottom line. I loved my wife. I wanted her to quit, but that had to be on her terms and own time frame. It seems so simple once we quit, why would they continue to poison themselves????Same reason we did it to ourselves for all that time.
I wish you the best and you never know when your habits might rub off on him.
Peace
DAVe

ElegantlyWasted

A day 4 person here.... Congrats on day 12. No apologies necessary for venting... It can be very cathartic (helps clear the head).

Purplecatlover

Thanks Fenris & Lookinforward. I know I can not control other people, only how I respond. Serenity prayer has given me great strength. I know if I wanted to drink, there's nothing that would stop me. I guess my alcoholic mind is looking for reasons to self defeat. I never want to be there again. He's expressed a desire to quit & I hope you're right & my sobriety will inspire him. Thanks for the encouragement.

Anna

I hope he sees your progress and makes the decision to stop drinking too. But, if he doesn't, you are still on the right path for yourself.

In the meantime, can you ask him to drink in another room, or could you spend time in another part of the house?

katrinka

My husband drinks beer but never to excess. 2 a day, maybe more on weekends. I don't feel right insisting he stop but he said he would help me and he hasn't. So I feel a bit resentful. Even my daughter told me she thought Dad should quit drinking, too. I bet she didn't tell him, though! It's hard to not drink when there is alcohol in the house. We have to be strong, strong, strong!

CaiHong

Hi Purplecat,
It would be good if your husband didn't drink around you in the early days of sobriety. that is not going to happen but you seem to understand that you may use this as an excuse to go back to drinking, good on you for that valuable insight.

you are doing great, it will get easier.
All the best
CaiHong

Purplecatlover

Thanks for all of your words. Had a bad day & know tomorrow at work will be a bear. Fridays are my weak point. Hope I can make it through the weekend w/out caving.

Dee74

don't hope pcl - do
there's a lot of support here - use it over the weekend

D

PurpleCat

Mine drinks like a fish and has no intention of stopping. I just have to either deal with it or leave. I don't want to leave, so I deal. No other choice.

Candi25

..D is right! Don't hope, DO!! I like how you say that your resolve to quit is stronger than your cravings..just keep repeating those things to yourself. Stay positive!! You have 12 days behind you(Congratuations!)I always tell myself how many days I have behind me and I refuse to start at day 1 again and I am the one who has to look in the mirror everyday and truly know that!! Just focus on the things you need to do hun I will pray for you.

jocata

Hang in the PCL. I bet that is tough.

At least here you can share it and we understand.

God bless.

LovesToTravel

My husband wasn't supportive at all and he continued to drink as he always had. HE doesn't have a problem....I do. At first he did try not to leave the bottles on the counter...but sometimes now I think he leaves them there on purpose. It is my problem and my recovery. It has been over 2 years...I think I've got it and I don't let him bother me!

Hang in there 12 days is awesome!

ownmybehavior

I won't pretend to know what that type of sustained temptation is like because my wife (we're divorcing though) doesn't drink. That must be difficult. I hope you're able to stay strong.

The one thing I can say though is think of how strong and confident you'll be when you beat this. The more you overcome the more you have to be proud about. I hope that helps in some way.

Good luck and post often. It has helped me to make 10 days.

Purplecatlover

Well, I'm on day 15. Hubby still drinking, had family in town & he drank more than normal. But I wasn't upset anymore. I'm the one w/ a problem. Maybe, he'll come to realize its not good for him either. He was stumbling a little & I felt sorry for him & glad it wasn't me. Then I realized how many times I stumbled, fell down, blacked out, passed out outside, started fights, cried, etc. while I was drunk. He never has turned his back on me. He never gets outta control. My problem is mine. It was my alcoholic mind trying to derail me, to put tension where it's not needed, trying to trick me. It is true how cunning & baffling addiction can be. Yet, my sober mind is starting to catch these "drunk" thoughts & cast them out. If I don't feed the negativity, it can not grow. I'm so thankful for all of you. Reading & posting is part of the healing process. I numbed myself for so long, that I'm learning to deal w/ issues I've buried. But reopening wounds is the only way to let out the pain. So it has not been easy. But it's getting better. I'm looking forward to conquering these demons & allow my heart to feel & love & hope again. Thank God for opening my eyes to new avenues to peace. No more running from things. Time to deal w/ reality. And reality really isn't so bad. Just seemed that way in my old addicted brain. I feel calmer, more stable than ever