awuh1

I have known a number of people who no longer attend meetings but are happily sober. There are some who just attend sporadically with the same result. Nothing wrong with “questioning” but find myself wondering about what specifically.

There’s a lot to learn from other recovery methods. Many benefit from a bit of therapy as well. Never hurts to expand your horizons or look at what we hold to be true. It’s being open minded.

Rosiepetal

Welcome Dizzy.
There is so much support & information here at SR.
You have done so well already.

serious

AVRT seems to be working well for me. I've had very little urges in the last 4 months.

i've been kind of practicing avrt on my own in the past and was able to get to well past 10 months... now that i am more "formally" educated about AV (thanks in no small part to SR) and have more experience with recovery, relapse, etc., i feel a lot stronger and more confident.

seems like you are looking into that option already, i would just add another plus to this method... as it is simple, doesn't get in the way of anything and can work well with any other treatment be it AA, therapy, or whatever else.

Dee74

Welcome back Dizzy
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I figure as long as you're not drinking/drugging, and you're happy about that, you're doing well...some find that in AA, others find it elsewhere

D

dizzychainsaw

Thank you everyone for your input. You are right- I guess the way I stay sober doesn't really matter as long as I stay sober and happy. It's encouraging to hear that people are staying sober in many different ways and living good lives!

dizzychainsaw

I am mainly questioning the whole acceptance thing. It does help to live a more peaceful life but I believe some things are just unacceptable. They say that whenever something bad happens that I play a part in it. I don't believe that everything bad that happens to me is always my fault. Sometimes people suck and do crappy things. I'm tired of hearing that I shouldn't feel mad, sad, or anything else. My sponsor has helped me a lot but sometimes I feel like she tries to run my life. She has advised me on everything from money to jobs to my boyfriend.
I'm not trying to bash the program or offend anyone. That's just how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking lately.

awuh1

Well I must say I think I agree with you nearly 100%. Like you, I do not think everything bad that happens to me is always my fault. Like you, I also have a wide range of sometimes negative emotions, and that’s ok (it’s what I DO with them, or after feeling them that’s important). Sponsors have a host of opinions on various issues and we do not need to always agree with them. (On issues regarding the steps, however, I typically will defer to their guidance, even if I don’t like it. For me it has proved to be the correct course of action in nearly every instance).

The one thing on which we may see things a bit differently is the meaning of the word acceptance. Even here I’m not sure if there is even a difference. I think of acceptance in the sense of acknowledgement of things as they are. It does not mean I have to like it. If I can change it for the better, good. If I cannot change it I do well to acknowledge this for what it is and go on from there.

It sounds to me like the ideas you are having trouble with may be coming from other peoples interpretation of the program or even their own personal opinions (quite apart from the program). IMO if it’s not in the big book it’s not the program. Measure the ideas you encounter against what’s in that book. You may find little correspondence.

I like to think of acceptance in the manner in which it’s referred to in the story called ”Acceptance was the answer” p 407 of the current edition.

Best wishes

dizzychainsaw

You are right- I have been listening to people's interpretations of the program and the Big Book. I was taught in treatment that the program of recovery is the first 164 pages of the Big Book. I was also taught that a sponsor takes a sponsee through the steps. That's it- not be a marriage counselor, a financial advisory, etc.

MIRecovery

Here is an example of acceptance for me

You have to accept things the way they are not the way you want them to be. My brother is a practicing alcoholic. I do not like it but I have to accept that for the most part there is almost nothing I can do about it. I know he will die prematurely but no amount of complaining harrassing, educating, or anything else is going to change him. The situation is exactly as it was meant to be even though it is a bad situation. If he recovers it is in God's hands if he dies an alchoholic it is in God's hands.

What I can do is change me. I can pray for him but I do not let him take up space in my head worrying about when he is going to manage to kill himself.

Hope this makes sense

Delilah1

Welcome Dizzy!

I am on day 7, after a few too many day ones. If you attend a Women in Sobriety meeting let me know what you think, I would like to have some different support options. Also, did you find any good motivational songs to download to your iPod? I could definitely use some inspiration, especially when walking (or attempting to run again!)

dizzychainsaw

I haven't been able to find any other kinds of meetings besides AA in my area. I find that a little bothersome. Here's some songs I like:

Amazing-Aerosmith
Blind Man-Aerosmith
Fighter-Christina Aguilera
Beautiful-Christina Aguilera
Hold On-Wilson Phillips
You Learn-Alanis Morissette
Not Afraid-Eminem
That's Why I'm Here- Kenny Chesney
Wasted-Carrie Underwood
Shake it Out-Florence and the Machine
Sober-Pink
Don't Let Me Get Me-Pink
Fu#*in Perfect-Pink
Comeback-Redlight Kings
Bullet in My Hand-Redlight Kings
Be Yourself-Audioslave
Firework-Katy Perry
Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield
Life is Beautiful-Sixx:am
Awake and Alive-Skillet
Sober-Kelly Clarkson
Stronger-Britney Spears
You Raise Me Up-Josh Groban
The Motions-Matthew West
Let me be Myself-Three Doors Down
Bad Day-Daniel Powter
Beautiful Day-U2
Diamond Eyes-Shinedown
Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot-Sting
Life Starts Now- Three Days Grace
Never Too Late-Three Days Grace
One X-Three Days Grace
Stronger-Kayne West
Sound of Madness-Shinedown
Shinedown by Godsmack
Realign-Godsmack
Serenity-Godsmack
Leave Out All the Rest-Linkin Park
Big Girls Don't Cry-Fergie
I Will Not Bow-Breaking Benjamin
Clean-Depeche Mode


Cle

dizzychainsaw

I have been on a spree for the last 2 months. I am tired of living like this. I want to get clean again but I can't seem to actually do it. The hardest part for me is just getting started-getting through the first few days of not using. I know that things will only get worse. I have hurt people and myself in just these couple of months. I knew I was headed for trouble long before I actually relapsed. I've been trying to figure out what went wrong. I am also trying to not beat myself up too much but it's hard.

Dee74

welcome back DC
whats your support like?

D

vegibean

***I NOTICED THIS POST IS A YEAR OLD***

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but you're here now and you know if you need support you'll get it here.

I am back after relapsing after having almost five years, and I can tell you, I know it's not worth it. I'm glad nothing bad happened to me other than getting a little too drunk and emotional, enough of that!! Either way, I knew if I kept it up I was going to screw everything up and it is just not worth it.

Have you figured out what you're going to do to get yourself back on track?

dizzychainsaw

No that post isn't a year old, my original post was. I had a great sponsor and I know a lot of people in the program. Once I relapsed I moved from where I was living. I had a lot of people around that were also in the program. I moved in with my enabler. Now I am trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. I don't think I can stay sober here. I've had some people offer me a place to stay if I go to detox and treatment. I've gotten sober before without going to detox and treatment. I just feel really confused and I'm not really sure what to do. My enabler said he is going to cut me off of the pills in a few days. He isn't really fond of the idea of me going to detox and treatment. That hurts. I feel like he should be more supportive. My ex told me he would consider taking me back if I went to detox and treatment but I know I shouldn't be concerned with all of that right now. I have called the detox and am on the waiting list to get in. I've even thought of saying I'm suicidal to get help. I just don't know!! I can't believe I gave up my sobriety after 14 months! I gave in to the lie that I could just use a little bit and quit. I have to stop before things get really bad!

Dee74

I think action is the key, Dizzy.
I know it's like walking in in hurricane but keep pushing- find whatever help you can.

And sticking with someone who keeps you hooked, whatever the reason, seems like a no-brainer to me. Time to move?

D

vegibean

I know, but I didn't want anyone to start at page one and not realize that, either way, glad you're back instead of still being out there tonight.

dizzychainsaw

Yes I do believe it is time to move. I lived in a three quarter house for a while then I ended up moving in with a guy. I became really depressed and told myself that I would either use or kill myself. So I chose to use. I called an ex that I knew used and got together with him and ended up moving in with him. I have a codependency problem. Right now I have no job, no car, and basically no where to go..... I think if I could get into a sober living house I would be ok. Last time, I lost focus. I was more worried about having a man than my sobriety. I need to get my own life together to where I don't have to rely on a man for anything