dizzychainsaw

I am new here and wanted to introduce myself. I found this website while I was searching for good recovery songs to put on my ipod. I am dizzychainsaw and I am an alcoholic/addict. I am a 30 year old female who used drugs and alcohol to put myself into oblivion for 15 years. I started my recovery journey two years ago when I lost everything, even more than I had ever lost before. My behavior was out of control and so was my drug and alcohol consumption. The thought kept coming into my head that I wasn't going to live much longer on the path I was on.
I didn't enjoy using anymore, like I once did. I was miserable all the time yet couldn't see a way out. A friend told me about detox and a treatment center and the funny thing is I WENT! I knew that I had to do something different because what I was doing surely wasn't working. I learned alot about the book in treatment and went to a three quarter house when I left.
I am still there and still trying to clean up the wreckage of my past. I have struggled with relapse several times. The longest amount of time I was sober was seven months. I am currently at four months, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, etc.
My life is definitely alot different than what it used to be and I am very grateful for that. Today I can look myself in the mirror. I can handle situations alot better than what I used to. I am not as angry as I once was. This has been an interesting and eye opening experience and I am excited to see what the future holds as long as I stay on the right track.
Things aren't always easy but I take it one day at a time and know that my HP will see me through the good times and bad.

artsoul

Hi dizzy!

Welcome to our community - this place really helps keep me sober! Congratulations on your 4 months (and previous time, too) - This is my third time around, or should I say my final time around!

Yeah, life is hard, but actually living it is more rewarding than hiding in the dark with our addiction. Look forward to having you with us!

Ghostly

Welcome dizzy! Congrats on the 4 months. Stick around...great people here.

SunSailor59

Welcome Dizzy, and best of luck with your sobriety!

There are a lot of folks around here to offer support at any time.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Dizzy

D

Itchy

Welcome Dizzy. Up here in S'port area and know exactly how you feel. I made it finally but it was after years of daily relapses. It feels more than good, it feels comfortable with me again. Like any good friend, I took longer than a month or two to get to know and admire. Now that I have me back, I won't let me go again.

llastchance8

Welcome Dizzy . We are all proud of you for your 4 months . You have done very well .Keep posting .

CaiHong

Hi Dizzy,

Welcome and good on you for getting serious about your sobriety. With that attitude you will make it.

All the best
CaiHong

langkah

Welcome DCS.

If you don't mind me asking, what did you learn from the relapses after you did the treatment program (things to do, things not to do in order to avoid relapse)? There are a lot of new people here, and learning from each other can sometimes steer us in a better direction.

instant

Dizzy welcome. A willingness to try something new and learn seems central to what we have to do.

Welcome.

Wallo

Hi Dizzy, just think about all the great things you can do without drugs and alcohol.

It has helped me greatly to list all the things I want to do with my life and I read that list every morning when I wake up. It fills me with excitement for the future. Maybe that could help you.

All the best and love yourself.

Wallo

dizzychainsaw

I've learned that when I try to do things MY way instead of the way that's in the book, I start to lose focus. It's very important that I talk to my sponsor everyday and listen to her suggestions. I know that my thinking is messed up so I don't think it would hurt to listen to someone who has been sober for 25 years and is also happy and successful. There are behaviors that I have to watch out for because old behaviors that led to guilt and shame are part of what caused me to relapse before. I try to attend meetings daily but usually I make it 4 or 5 times a week, depending on my work schedule. I like to read the 24 hour a day book and the daily reflections and the just for today. My sponsor has me reading drop the rock since I just completed my 4th and 5th step again. Trying to help others, inside and outside of the rooms is important. Every day I try to do my best in whatever it is I'm doing that day. I basically try to be less angry, more tolerant and loving, and stay out of my self will because my selfishness and self centeredness is the root of my troubles.
I am by no means an angel or an AA guru or anything. I have to stay willing to do the steps, go to meetings, go to work, be responsible, etc. That's basically it in a nutshell. It's what has been working for me. Alot goes into me staying sober. I have to remember everyday that I am powerless over alcohol in any form and I am doomed once I put the first one into my body. If I put the first one in, it will set off the phenomenon of craving which will lead me into the stages of a well known spree and I will emerge remorseful with a firm resolution to not drink again. That is repeated over and over unless there is a psychic change, which I believe I have begun to experience by working the steps.

dizzychainsaw

Langkah,

Basically if I want to stay sober, I have to do the work that has been suggested to me in the rooms of AA.
Also I don't hang around people who use or go to places where people use. When I went to detox I cut ties with everyone I used with. After my relapses, it was more difficult because the people were around me. At first I couldn't put more than a couple of days together this last time around but with the help of a sponsor and ALOT of meetings I got through that. I surely didn't want to have to go to detox again.

dizzychainsaw

I hope this is my last time around too. I was getting really tired of picking up desire chips!

dizzychainsaw

Honesty
Open-mindedness
Willingness

dizzychainsaw

That sounds like a good idea Wallo. I have my goals in my head but maybe it would help me to put it on paper.

dizzychainsaw

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. This seems like a really great website!

jocata

Welcome dizzy. SR is another powerful weapon against our addictions. Keep posting and reading. Lots of good stuff here.

God bless.

dizzychainsaw

I haven't been on here in a long time. I feel like I could use some help. Here's an update:
After being sober for 13 months, I am finding myself slowly drifting away from AA and it's a little scary! I definitely don't want to lose my sobriety. Though AA has helped me more than I could ever explain, I have found myself questioning the program lately. There are certain parts of the program that I don't agree with. I have been reading about AA and other programs online. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for a relapse or just continuing to grow. I don't feel like I have any desire to drink or use. I feel like I'm in a really weird spot right now.
I'm looking into SMART recovery, rational recovery, and women for sobriety. I'm also wanting to get help for some mental health issues I feel that I have. I'm kind of scared to even try to stay sober without AA but I would like to give it a try. I know there are members of other programs on here. Maybe you could share what works for you. Or people that have successfully left AA and stayed sober. I'm not saying anything is wrong with AA. I do believe it works for a lot of people but is there another way?

least

There are many ways to get and stay sober. I'm succeeding with the help of my addiction counselor and this site - nothing more than that, but it's served me well for the last three years.