can't forget to breathe
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
karioka,
What you said about stepping back:
... Also, in the last week, had only ONE anger episode. Difference was that instead of carrying on being angry as used to, I actually looked at the reasons that made me angry in the first place. I feel that's HUGE achievement. But then again, it is in my nature to analize everything. So my personality should take credit for that. A bit.
...It's great about your progress !!?!
Reflecting back, I think I'd intentenionally get myself worked up daily, to justify my daily "remedy"
Thanks for your post. Can really relate to the serenity knowing all the past madness associated with drinking, now gone; ..... is a huge reason to feel safe.
And how that viscious cycle; ...... all started and finished in pretty much the same way.
Again, thanks.
What you said about stepping back:
... Also, in the last week, had only ONE anger episode. Difference was that instead of carrying on being angry as used to, I actually looked at the reasons that made me angry in the first place. I feel that's HUGE achievement. But then again, it is in my nature to analize everything. So my personality should take credit for that. A bit.
...It's great about your progress !!?!
Reflecting back, I think I'd intentenionally get myself worked up daily, to justify my daily "remedy"
Thanks for your post. Can really relate to the serenity knowing all the past madness associated with drinking, now gone; ..... is a huge reason to feel safe.
And how that viscious cycle; ...... all started and finished in pretty much the same way.
Again, thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 64
Karioka,
This thread is a great read. Glad to find it.
AND you don't smoke? Good job. I gotta do the same.
I might try going to Beer Pong this Friday at a friend's place. They won't make me drink and one of the regulars there never drinks. He is in AA.
Without drinking, I've had more phone conversations on nights off from work. Not ideal, but better and cheaper than many trips I've had to the bar.
~Baloo
This thread is a great read. Glad to find it.
AND you don't smoke? Good job. I gotta do the same.
I might try going to Beer Pong this Friday at a friend's place. They won't make me drink and one of the regulars there never drinks. He is in AA.
Without drinking, I've had more phone conversations on nights off from work. Not ideal, but better and cheaper than many trips I've had to the bar.
~Baloo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
just to say that I went out on Fri night (proper!!) and didn't drink! It felt weird, it was VERY cheap and I was quite proud of myself. If that's how it'll feel everytime I go out - bring it on!!! :)
Weird was how the world looked through my clear, lovely, blue eyes :).
I'm doing great. I have this feeling of achievement that gives me such a buzz... I'm still en garde for depressive moments - I know they'll come, but I keep telling myself that I'll deal with them when the time comes. don't dwell on what has past away or what is yet to be, as the song goes.
I have also made plans, well, actually, I have made them years ago but it is only now that they seem achievable. So I'm happy with that.
Thanks ownmybehaviour for making me stay around here! This place made the difference between my drinking and my not drinking, if that makes sense.
Weird was how the world looked through my clear, lovely, blue eyes :).
I'm doing great. I have this feeling of achievement that gives me such a buzz... I'm still en garde for depressive moments - I know they'll come, but I keep telling myself that I'll deal with them when the time comes. don't dwell on what has past away or what is yet to be, as the song goes.
I have also made plans, well, actually, I have made them years ago but it is only now that they seem achievable. So I'm happy with that.
Thanks ownmybehaviour for making me stay around here! This place made the difference between my drinking and my not drinking, if that makes sense.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Baloo 
I might try going to Beer Pong this Friday at a friend's place. They won't make me drink and one of the regulars there never drinks. He is in AA.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
still going strong!
I can't believe it's almost March - what happened with the last... three months? Where did they go? Good thing that I don't remember them happenening - means it wasn't that bad ;)
But it wasn't all milk and honey, had some verrry rough couple of weeks, anxiety reached a new high pitch. Had few sleepless nights, and that was something that very seldom happens to me. Found myself worrying about future in a rather painful way. Where? Why? When? ...those questions really kept me up and crying quite a few nights.
Nuff with the bad vibe, have been out again and didn't drink! Went to a big gig with me Irish mate who's.. well, Irish :)) but I held my ground and didn't drink. I felt AMAZING! So in control it gave me quite a buzz! Came home around two in the morning, brushed my teeth and took my make up off. Things I never done before lol after a night out. I'm so good, me :)
I did smoke few cigarettes though but that was OK ish, I'm not gonna beat myself up too much. All is good in the world.
I had a good day today - so far- and looks like I'm out of depression. I kinda start to see some sort of a pattern here, few good weeks, few bad ones, I just need to give this a serious thought and see if I can manage better the bad ones.
Have a good week peeps and stay real!
I can't believe it's almost March - what happened with the last... three months? Where did they go? Good thing that I don't remember them happenening - means it wasn't that bad ;)
But it wasn't all milk and honey, had some verrry rough couple of weeks, anxiety reached a new high pitch. Had few sleepless nights, and that was something that very seldom happens to me. Found myself worrying about future in a rather painful way. Where? Why? When? ...those questions really kept me up and crying quite a few nights.
Nuff with the bad vibe, have been out again and didn't drink! Went to a big gig with me Irish mate who's.. well, Irish :)) but I held my ground and didn't drink. I felt AMAZING! So in control it gave me quite a buzz! Came home around two in the morning, brushed my teeth and took my make up off. Things I never done before lol after a night out. I'm so good, me :)
I did smoke few cigarettes though but that was OK ish, I'm not gonna beat myself up too much. All is good in the world.
I had a good day today - so far- and looks like I'm out of depression. I kinda start to see some sort of a pattern here, few good weeks, few bad ones, I just need to give this a serious thought and see if I can manage better the bad ones.
Have a good week peeps and stay real!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
not feeling great tonight and was wondering who can I tell that to... Came here.
I am way too lonely to feel good about myself. I was never this lonely when I was drinking. Although I made all the wrong choices back then, I still HAD choices... Am not sure where I stand now.
Got in touch again on bloody facebook with an ex boyfriend just to discover that he's in a relationship. Just like the one before him. And the one before him. How does it work for them but not for me?? Are they entitled to happiness, unlike me? Does it just come naturally for guys or it's just my bloody luck? Fuming I am!
I really wanted to get back in touch with him, maybe going for a walk or a coffee, so I can SEE how I feel about him when I'm not drunk or hungover. Stupid idea. I naturally feel f*ck all. As I always do. Selfish little madam that I am! Was!
I know some things just don't matter and moving on is what I should do, but it ain't that easy and sometimes (like tonight) I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I'm considering leaving the radio on tonight - don't think I can bear hear myself thinking.. Aaaarrrgh, so annoyed.
I hate facebook.
I'm tired. I'm anxious and stressed and it's affecting my work and my sanity. I need A break, I need a really GOOD day. I need for something really nice to happen to me; I need something new and exciting and stimulating. No. Not a new project, no I don't wanna learn spanish and no, I can't do more charity work than I'm already doing. And no, I can't go out more often.. Ah, that's a lot of no. See? All I REALLY need is to start saying yes.Oh dear I don't make any (sensible) sense. Someone shoot me please?
I am way too lonely to feel good about myself. I was never this lonely when I was drinking. Although I made all the wrong choices back then, I still HAD choices... Am not sure where I stand now.
Got in touch again on bloody facebook with an ex boyfriend just to discover that he's in a relationship. Just like the one before him. And the one before him. How does it work for them but not for me?? Are they entitled to happiness, unlike me? Does it just come naturally for guys or it's just my bloody luck? Fuming I am!
I really wanted to get back in touch with him, maybe going for a walk or a coffee, so I can SEE how I feel about him when I'm not drunk or hungover. Stupid idea. I naturally feel f*ck all. As I always do. Selfish little madam that I am! Was!
I know some things just don't matter and moving on is what I should do, but it ain't that easy and sometimes (like tonight) I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I'm considering leaving the radio on tonight - don't think I can bear hear myself thinking.. Aaaarrrgh, so annoyed.
I hate facebook.
I'm tired. I'm anxious and stressed and it's affecting my work and my sanity. I need A break, I need a really GOOD day. I need for something really nice to happen to me; I need something new and exciting and stimulating. No. Not a new project, no I don't wanna learn spanish and no, I can't do more charity work than I'm already doing. And no, I can't go out more often.. Ah, that's a lot of no. See? All I REALLY need is to start saying yes.Oh dear I don't make any (sensible) sense. Someone shoot me please?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
Had a rather rough patch for the last few weeks. So rough that I actually went to see my GP. I've been here since 2007 and I've never been to the doctor's. But I had to go now cause I felt terrible!
He gave me Diazepam2 mg and Citalopram10g , and after a quick research on the net I must confess I'm a bit reluctant to take any.
Anyone familiar with these?
I'm still not drinking and I don't really think about it anymore. What I think about ALL THE TIME is how pointless all is! And I hate that.. I envy happy people that go through life with that I don't give a f*ck attitude... Because I worry and worry and worry and I'm exhausted!
The doctor said to me that I need to keep positive thoughts. I can't. It's not that easy, is it.
Had a few sneaky ciggs and felt SO bad afterwards and what for? It was only a couple... Not big deal but no, I had to beat myself up for two bloody weeks!
I'm tired.
He gave me Diazepam2 mg and Citalopram10g , and after a quick research on the net I must confess I'm a bit reluctant to take any.
Anyone familiar with these?
I'm still not drinking and I don't really think about it anymore. What I think about ALL THE TIME is how pointless all is! And I hate that.. I envy happy people that go through life with that I don't give a f*ck attitude... Because I worry and worry and worry and I'm exhausted!
The doctor said to me that I need to keep positive thoughts. I can't. It's not that easy, is it.
Had a few sneaky ciggs and felt SO bad afterwards and what for? It was only a couple... Not big deal but no, I had to beat myself up for two bloody weeks!
I'm tired.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Our emotions without a drink but no solution push us back to the illusion it offers of quick relief to get off the hot spot. Guess what happens when we feel bad enough long enough.
When people say alcoholism is not much about alcohol they are talking about what you're going through the last weeks. The pills will take the edge off reality for you but carry a cost.
When people say alcoholism is not much about alcohol they are talking about what you're going through the last weeks. The pills will take the edge off reality for you but carry a cost.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
Welcome Kari!
IMHO - Leonard Cohen is #1 "living legend songwriter/singer . Maybe Tom Waits too.
One of my early sponsors would always respond to my "crisis" phone calls by telling me to : "breathe honey. just breathe"...
anyway
i did that revolving binge drinking as well.
Alcohol [my last DOC] was what my life seemed to be based on - i was loaded for all the Big Decisions, the only social life i had was if booze/drugs would be involved...
By the end, Life had lost its color- was just down to the shades of gray - like looking thru the wrong end of a telescope.
Yeah- i lost lots of Stuff. Looking back tho, i realize that the real losses were the intangibles- family, friends, self respect, A Reason To Live...
So i did 12 step recovery - lots and lots of it . Meetings, sponsors, service.
No Matter What.
Called other folk in recovery when i felt the least bit squirrely,
And , finally, I 'recovered' stuff i had done in the past- skiing, whitewater etc. later i became a rabid bass/pike fisherman. ... threw a little camper on the truck, bought an old boat and spent 5 weeks in Northern Ontario.
reconciled my relationship with my son. ran a couple businesses. Learned to meditate. Played music again. Read challenging tomes. Worked the steps. Built a couple of boats. added 3500 sq ft of shop and and a "glass room" to my home, wrote a novel...
16 years clean n sober today. went to an NA meeting last week. read meditation literature w/ my son this morning. talked to a sponsee yesterday . worked on building my 3rd boat [30 ft catamaran- just moved hull#1 outta the shop. yah!!] . Need to talk to my sponsor today, collected eggs from the chickens. having some sober folk over to watch March Madness [US college basketball] tomorrow.
I really really like my life nowadays...
IMHO - Leonard Cohen is #1 "living legend songwriter/singer . Maybe Tom Waits too.
One of my early sponsors would always respond to my "crisis" phone calls by telling me to : "breathe honey. just breathe"...
anyway
i did that revolving binge drinking as well.
Alcohol [my last DOC] was what my life seemed to be based on - i was loaded for all the Big Decisions, the only social life i had was if booze/drugs would be involved...
By the end, Life had lost its color- was just down to the shades of gray - like looking thru the wrong end of a telescope.
Yeah- i lost lots of Stuff. Looking back tho, i realize that the real losses were the intangibles- family, friends, self respect, A Reason To Live...
So i did 12 step recovery - lots and lots of it . Meetings, sponsors, service.
No Matter What.
Called other folk in recovery when i felt the least bit squirrely,
And , finally, I 'recovered' stuff i had done in the past- skiing, whitewater etc. later i became a rabid bass/pike fisherman. ... threw a little camper on the truck, bought an old boat and spent 5 weeks in Northern Ontario.
reconciled my relationship with my son. ran a couple businesses. Learned to meditate. Played music again. Read challenging tomes. Worked the steps. Built a couple of boats. added 3500 sq ft of shop and and a "glass room" to my home, wrote a novel...
16 years clean n sober today. went to an NA meeting last week. read meditation literature w/ my son this morning. talked to a sponsee yesterday . worked on building my 3rd boat [30 ft catamaran- just moved hull#1 outta the shop. yah!!] . Need to talk to my sponsor today, collected eggs from the chickens. having some sober folk over to watch March Madness [US college basketball] tomorrow.
I really really like my life nowadays...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Karioka
I had to do more than just not drink to be happy too - I also suffered a lot from anxiety, and I had a lot of fears insecurities and things I'd never dealt with in my life...
I'd got 'sober' down...but I needed to work on all that other baggage to be happy.
I don't know your history, but if you're unsure about medication, have you considered counselling might be a better option for you?
D
I had to do more than just not drink to be happy too - I also suffered a lot from anxiety, and I had a lot of fears insecurities and things I'd never dealt with in my life...
I'd got 'sober' down...but I needed to work on all that other baggage to be happy.
I don't know your history, but if you're unsure about medication, have you considered counselling might be a better option for you?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
quick update, so I can keep track of myself..
Not drinking, going on six months soon, had few cigarettes though, but I'm working on that.
Didn't take the pills that my GP prescribed me for mild depression, but feeling OK. I do get angry sometimes, sad some other times and inexplicably happy at other times, but from what I've read n books, that's how life is supposed to be like.
I still come here almost every day because I owe you, guys, A LOT!
Secured a place at a good University for next autumn and I feel great about that! Also, making steps toward working for myself rather than my actual boss soon and that would be excellent for my self confidence and my bank account, fingers crossed.
I am in a much BETTER place at the moment and I believe choosing not to drink plays a HUGE role.
Not drinking, going on six months soon, had few cigarettes though, but I'm working on that.
Didn't take the pills that my GP prescribed me for mild depression, but feeling OK. I do get angry sometimes, sad some other times and inexplicably happy at other times, but from what I've read n books, that's how life is supposed to be like.
I still come here almost every day because I owe you, guys, A LOT!
Secured a place at a good University for next autumn and I feel great about that! Also, making steps toward working for myself rather than my actual boss soon and that would be excellent for my self confidence and my bank account, fingers crossed
. I am in a much BETTER place at the moment and I believe choosing not to drink plays a HUGE role.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 29
and then I thought I was safe.
had quite a few beers on Friday night and I am now trying to understand what was different that made me drink.
The pattern is still there. As if I never stopped drinking. I am sad and disappointed and upset.
So here I go again.
had quite a few beers on Friday night and I am now trying to understand what was different that made me drink.
The pattern is still there. As if I never stopped drinking. I am sad and disappointed and upset.
So here I go again.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
No - you don't 'go' again.
You get back on it and try and try again.
It was a slip, nothing else.
Don't over anaylse the whys and what fors - it was just a slip.
You are a phenomenal person - you speak different languages, you are clever, you are musically gifted, you have a fantastic chance at university and you have your dogs.
Don't chuck it all away for a few bottles of beer, it is not worth it.
Promise?
S XXXX
You get back on it and try and try again.
It was a slip, nothing else.
Don't over anaylse the whys and what fors - it was just a slip.
You are a phenomenal person - you speak different languages, you are clever, you are musically gifted, you have a fantastic chance at university and you have your dogs.
Don't chuck it all away for a few bottles of beer, it is not worth it.
Promise?
S XXXX
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