What to say to people who ask, "why arent you drinking?"
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
It's my family that push me the most (they don't know I'm in recovery and don't need to know, as far as I'm concerned)
Everyone else hasn't really said anything at all - I worried about it a lot more than they did xx
Everyone else hasn't really said anything at all - I worried about it a lot more than they did xx
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
If you have to explain to people why you aren't drinking, maybe you are in a situation (around drinking) that is best avoided by someone in early recovery. If things get shaky, and the temptation to drink mounts, an "excuse" for not drinking is a poor shield against relapse.
Get a few solid months of sobriety under your belt before you start socializing around alcohol. That would be my suggestion.
Get a few solid months of sobriety under your belt before you start socializing around alcohol. That would be my suggestion.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
There's a book I bought called How to Quit Drinking Without AA. What really drew me to the book wasn't how to quit or AA, but more all of the checklists and worksheets in the book. One whole chapter is dedicated to how to handle questions about drinking. They range from serious, to avoidance, to humorous. Try to get your hands on it if you can.
Also, interesting to read I'm not the only ones who lost my so-called friends over not drinking. They treat me like a leper. I guess they weren't really my friends. And they are the ones who want to know why. The others don't ask me, or like the others have said, they already know without me telling them. Strange how for some people (us and our so called friends) have our entire lives centered on drinking and how everyone else doesn't even think about it.
Also, interesting to read I'm not the only ones who lost my so-called friends over not drinking. They treat me like a leper. I guess they weren't really my friends. And they are the ones who want to know why. The others don't ask me, or like the others have said, they already know without me telling them. Strange how for some people (us and our so called friends) have our entire lives centered on drinking and how everyone else doesn't even think about it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 117
Well, I'm a rookie at recovery but this past week I got asked this at least 10 times, I responded "personal choice to not drink anymore". And one time I had to follow up with "I had to reflect as to why I was drinking, and it's time to stop".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I've realized that alot less people than I thought really care if I drink or not. I don't make excuses and just say I don't drink.
The only one that has 'questioned' me is my manager (of all people). When we're slow we sit and chat...she says she likes to go home and have 2 beers.
I think she has a problem....although I don't dare say. Looking forward to going home and cracking any number of beers to me sounds like a habit. And I know from experience when one says a number of beers you always double the number. LOL
Anyway, she's questioned me several times "you don't drink?".
I say, "No, I don't drink".
Then she'll say, "You don't even have a cocktail when you go to dinner?"
I say, "No, not even a cocktail when I go to dinner, is that a problem?
Then usually she backs down. I find answering their question with a question usually gets them thinking they'd better back off.
The only one that has 'questioned' me is my manager (of all people). When we're slow we sit and chat...she says she likes to go home and have 2 beers.
I think she has a problem....although I don't dare say. Looking forward to going home and cracking any number of beers to me sounds like a habit. And I know from experience when one says a number of beers you always double the number. LOL
Anyway, she's questioned me several times "you don't drink?".
I say, "No, I don't drink".
Then she'll say, "You don't even have a cocktail when you go to dinner?"
I say, "No, not even a cocktail when I go to dinner, is that a problem?
Then usually she backs down. I find answering their question with a question usually gets them thinking they'd better back off.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Drinkers are sometimes perplexed by a non drinker......and im definitely perplexed about a moderate drinker....
Lots and lots of people don't drink these days.....i dont find it a big deal and haven't throughout my sobriety......"it makes me sick"......is a normal line, if i feel the need to explain which is real rare......its the truth, i get real sick when i drink.
I guess we tend to get hyper sensitive to this stuff in early sobriety ....but for me , it was mostly a storm in a tea-cup.
It can be rather amusing....bars and restaurants, full of strange exotic animals that do things like....10 minutes between tiny sips!!!......drink alcohol that ISNT the strongest in the bar.....talk quietly and make sense.....Dont get in a fight over who owns the rights to a seat.......i even seen a woman forget she had a drink !!!!!!.....cos she was absorbed in sensible conversation..
And at the end of the night..this strange bunch get up and go home....and if they been drinking they get a CAB!!!!.......all very odd.....lol..
Just reminds me totally.......nothing wrong with alcohol for most....but i anit most...im not even close......im an alcoholic....one drink and im lost...driven by an allergy thats quite happy to see me 6 foot under .
Lots and lots of people don't drink these days.....i dont find it a big deal and haven't throughout my sobriety......"it makes me sick"......is a normal line, if i feel the need to explain which is real rare......its the truth, i get real sick when i drink.
I guess we tend to get hyper sensitive to this stuff in early sobriety ....but for me , it was mostly a storm in a tea-cup.
It can be rather amusing....bars and restaurants, full of strange exotic animals that do things like....10 minutes between tiny sips!!!......drink alcohol that ISNT the strongest in the bar.....talk quietly and make sense.....Dont get in a fight over who owns the rights to a seat.......i even seen a woman forget she had a drink !!!!!!.....cos she was absorbed in sensible conversation..
And at the end of the night..this strange bunch get up and go home....and if they been drinking they get a CAB!!!!.......all very odd.....lol..
Just reminds me totally.......nothing wrong with alcohol for most....but i anit most...im not even close......im an alcoholic....one drink and im lost...driven by an allergy thats quite happy to see me 6 foot under .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
I used to worry about this alot early on and so never put myself in a situation where it may have come up.
Now when asked I say "no thanks" to a drink, if asked why I say "I started to have a real problem with alcohol so just dont drink it any more". Just about 98% of people then say.."Oh, cool" and move on. Those that dont..... I dont bother going any further with except to smile and ask for a sparkling water please.
Now when asked I say "no thanks" to a drink, if asked why I say "I started to have a real problem with alcohol so just dont drink it any more". Just about 98% of people then say.."Oh, cool" and move on. Those that dont..... I dont bother going any further with except to smile and ask for a sparkling water please.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
99% of the people in my life didn't ask, they practically applauded for me doing what they knew i needed to do long before i did. Yes, i was the last to know how awful my problem was.
For the rest, i put it right out front with no hesitation or reservation. I am a recovering alcoholic. Fortunately, it doesn't carry the stigma it used to. In fact, i can't think of a single situation where the person wasn't impressed when i said that.
For the rest, i put it right out front with no hesitation or reservation. I am a recovering alcoholic. Fortunately, it doesn't carry the stigma it used to. In fact, i can't think of a single situation where the person wasn't impressed when i said that.
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