quitforme79

Some of you know my story...I moved to a different state for my ex abf, we broke up due to his drinking about a year later and then I started drinking to self medicate when I moved out about 4 months ago. I know I can't do this sobriety thing alone at first, but I really don;t have good friends here yet. The dr i spoke with in the hospital last nite (for w/d) said he was concerned about my lack of support. I have always done everything by myself (broken fam, alcoholic parents, moved out very young, got thru my masters while working etc) Somehow, this seems as though it will be even harder to do even though challenges I have faced seem daunting they weren't really...i just pushed thru. The couple friends i have made here are big drinkers of course and don't think I have a problem per say. To me that means I can't hang with them much anymore...definitely not in drinking situations anyway. My plan is therapy, AA and SR. Also going to the gym everyday even if it's just to walk a mile on the treadmill it will get me out of the house after work and on weekends. My question is, has anyone been in a new place alone and if so, how did you cope? I believe I have the strength to do this. The lonliness right now is overwhelming but I am still dealing with a lot of loss from my ex which I think triggered my abandonment issues as a child. I often given loyalty where it is not deserved and it's very hard for me to move on from relationships. Instead of sulking I want to start enjoying my life...is this possible when alone? Will things get better w sober time?

GirlFromCO

I would say that your chances of doing this alone aren't as bad as some might be given that you've accomplished a lot of pretty serious things alone in the past. However, you do need support. You'll meet people in AA over time. Have you thought about volunteering? Getting to socialize is a nice side effect of volunteering your time somewhere, and it will get you out of your head for a bit too.

EmeraldRose

Hi quitforme...Yes, I know how you feel. August 2010 I separated from my husband and moved to another house. I did know people from town but no one I considered a real friend, no one I'd share secrets with although gossip travels faster than the speed of light. My daughter had moved with me but soon moved in with her boyfriend. I had struggled with new jobs, still drinking, lost one job, went to rehab, AA, got another job, all this I did basically alone. I did tell my folks but they were 1450 miles away from me. I didn't have much support besides SR and AA. My advice is join AA. Even if you don't agree with the whole realm of the belief thang -it's very important to have people in your life that understand where you are in life and understand what you're going through.

Recently (Halloween night to be exact) I started my trek across country alone to move closer to family. Although my son lives about a half hour away and my brother an hour and a half...I'm in a new state, new town, an apartment...alone.
I found a job the first week I was here...I was just saying to the girls I work with today that it seems like I've been here forever. I just fell right into place.

My point is that you will find your place. Have patience...things happen in time. Life is a sequence of events.
I believe there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I like being alone and am far from being lonely. I have connected with myself after I quit, I enjoy my own company, I enjoy thinking my own thoughts and living my own life. I have a balance of extrovert and introvert. I enjoy quality time with people but I feel refreshed and renewed by being alone.
You will find a balance -give yourself time.
Wishing you peace and strength.

quitforme79

Thank u both for your insight & advice. Emerald, I use to enjoy living alone at other points in my life but that was before I was consumed by alcohol. I'm only on day 3 so the depression & self loathing are still pretty consuming. Your story however gives me faith that if I stick w my sobriety & focus on mywork, I too will find my place. I cant let the loss of a relationship consume me anymore & am really hoping therapy & hard work will get me through. I feel so anxious & like my heads going to pop off but I made it to work so that's a good sign. For too long now I've only been participating in life halfway..waiting to get home & drink to wallow in my self pity.that's no way to go on living.again, thanks so much for your helpful posts ((hugs))

WantToHeal

Some excellent advice here. One more thing I'd ask, and I ask a lot of people, is what is your true passion in life? Are you engaging in that passion? For me, it's tinkering with cars, and I've met a lot of great people that way, some sober, some not.

Hang in there!

quitforme79

Want toheal that is a great question. I've lost a lot of my past passions & I'm going to work on rediscovering them now that u mention it cant wait to get some clarity thanks for your feedback

augustwest

I got sober 2 years ago and lost 99% of my "friends". Now i have a close network of people that the term friend doesn't do justice. they are family. i also have more casual friends than i know what to do with. i met all of these people in NA and AA.

desertsong

We moved to a new state a year ago, and it is only now that I am meeting people (through AA, how ironic lol). That first year was very lonely and that's when my drinking really accelerated and got completely out of control. Plus, I was bored out of my mind. So I started volunteering, and that helped, but some days it was hard to get there because I was hungover and feeling lousy. Long story short, now I'm sober, in AA, back to volunteering, and back in school. It definitely helps to keep busy and to have a passion for something, and to get yourself out in the world and around people.