desertsong

I went to my first AA meeting today and it was awesome. Such a great group of supportive people who really understand what it's like to be where I am right now. I'm still drinking ... at least until Saturday. I see my doc tomorrow for some meds that will help me detox and I will start that process on Saturday. Meanwhile, I've connected with some wonderful people from AA who have promised to be there for me 24/7. The problem? My husband is also an alcoholic who knows he is, but feels he doesn't need to change. He thinks he is in "control" of his drinking and because he can still "function" when he's drinking, he thinks he is okay. This will be the hardest thing for me ... trying to get and stay sober while the person I love most in the world is sitting next to me every night tipping the whiskey bottle. I have known this man for 33 years and been married to him almost 20. I can't imagine walking away from him and from our family and yet it's a daunting prospect to think of trying to live a sober life when I live with a non-sober alcoholic. Suggestions? Advice?

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad that you have decided to live a sober life.

Having a spouse who is an alcoholic will make your recovery a bit more challenging, but you can do it. Can you ask your husband to not drink in front of you? Or maybe you can spend some of your evening time in another part of the house?

Dee74

I don't think it's a dealbreaker either desertsong - there's lots of people here whose partners drink

I think recovery has to be an internal thing - there's always going to be someone else drinking even if it's TV, movies, friends or partners - it's not always easy, but it's important we remember why we can't join in and why it's important for us to stay sober.

There's always support here

D

desertsong

Yes, it will definitely be more challenging but it just may mean that I will have to put a bit of distance between us for awhile during the evening. He works at home, so he's here all day and night, and I'm not working right now so I'm here with him. Thankfully we have a three story house so I guess I'll just have to let him live on floor while I live on another for awhile! :-S Ugh!

desertsong

Dee, it will definitely change our relationship, for sure. We have been "drinking buddies" for a long time. But I know that my recovery is my responsibility and mine alone. I can change me, but I can't change him. One thing I learned is that alcohol is always going to be there ... in TV, commercials, restaurants, etc. You're right. Whether my spouse drinks or not isn't really the issue because alcohol is always going to be in front of me, and readily available, for the rest of my life. So I have to learn how to deal with it regardless. Very good point, and thank you for that.