Wish I were numb
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Wish I were numb
Today is the first time in 5 months I felt the strong desire to drink myself numb. I am nearing the end of a 5 year relationship and quite frankly, I am sick about it. Drinking will not solve anything but the pain is so much to bear right now. I have so much sober. I don't want to go back. This hurts so much
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
I am so sorry soberred 
I know you already realize getting drunk won't help. You wouldn't only have the pain of your breakup, but the horrible pain of letting yourself down to deal with. When my 16 year relationship ended I almost killed myself with booze. Don't do it. You can cope with the pain in a new, better way now that doesn't involve alcohol. You will be able to move forward in 2012, free.
You know what to do. Best wishes to you, I understand.
I know you already realize getting drunk won't help. You wouldn't only have the pain of your breakup, but the horrible pain of letting yourself down to deal with. When my 16 year relationship ended I almost killed myself with booze. Don't do it. You can cope with the pain in a new, better way now that doesn't involve alcohol. You will be able to move forward in 2012, free.You know what to do. Best wishes to you, I understand.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Soberred, yes, it hurts. I want to suggest you get to a meeting, if you still go, and help a newcomer or anyone who is hurting. Surround yourself with sober people. Get out of yourself for now so the pain, still felt can be lessened. I love you! You can get through this sober!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Posts: 425
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Soberred, yes, it hurts. I want to suggest you get to a meeting, if you still go, and help a newcomer or anyone who is hurting. Surround yourself with sober people. Get out of yourself for now so the pain, still felt can be lessened. I love you! You can get through this sober!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Thank you for all the replies. Means a lot. Maybe it's the gloomy rainy weather, maybe it's the exhaustion of trying for so long knowing it is all in vain. I will get through this. I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it like a grown up and quit feeling sorry for myself. If it could only be that easy.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
soberred,
Hugs, I am going through the end of a 25 yr marriage, and it's painful and terrifying, devastating. At first. But time heals if we let it, if we let honesty and hope seep in.
I have to calm myself down and listen to wise friends who have my best interest at heart and who know me. They tell me they know that I can get through this. They tell me honestly what they saw in the relationship, and that it's passing is not necessarily a bad thing. They tell me the strength and resources they see in me, and that I have in my life.
Think of what you would tell a friend in your position. Then be your own friend and tell those things to yourself.
I read this somewhere, and when I start getting too worked up over something in my life, I remind myself "think of what a hopeful person would do in this situation, and try that"
Hugs, I am going through the end of a 25 yr marriage, and it's painful and terrifying, devastating. At first. But time heals if we let it, if we let honesty and hope seep in.
I have to calm myself down and listen to wise friends who have my best interest at heart and who know me. They tell me they know that I can get through this. They tell me honestly what they saw in the relationship, and that it's passing is not necessarily a bad thing. They tell me the strength and resources they see in me, and that I have in my life.
Think of what you would tell a friend in your position. Then be your own friend and tell those things to yourself.
I read this somewhere, and when I start getting too worked up over something in my life, I remind myself "think of what a hopeful person would do in this situation, and try that"
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Threshold
soberred,
Hugs, I am going through the end of a 25 yr marriage, and it's painful and terrifying, devastating. At first. But time heals if we let it, if we let honesty and hope seep in.
I have to calm myself down and listen to wise friends who have my best interest at heart and who know me. They tell me they know that I can get through this. They tell me honestly what they saw in the relationship, and that it's passing is not necessarily a bad thing. They tell me the strength and resources they see in me, and that I have in my life.
Think of what you would tell a friend in your position. Then be your own friend and tell those things to yourself.
I read this somewhere, and when I start getting too worked up over something in my life, I remind myself "think of what a hopeful person would do in this situation, and try that"
Hugs, I am going through the end of a 25 yr marriage, and it's painful and terrifying, devastating. At first. But time heals if we let it, if we let honesty and hope seep in.
I have to calm myself down and listen to wise friends who have my best interest at heart and who know me. They tell me they know that I can get through this. They tell me honestly what they saw in the relationship, and that it's passing is not necessarily a bad thing. They tell me the strength and resources they see in me, and that I have in my life.
Think of what you would tell a friend in your position. Then be your own friend and tell those things to yourself.
I read this somewhere, and when I start getting too worked up over something in my life, I remind myself "think of what a hopeful person would do in this situation, and try that"
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
soberred -- You have some great advice here from people who do care.
I will tell you that the rainy weather ALWAYS makes me feel worse. I hate the winter time I have so many bad memories of things happening in the winter that I suffer from season depress. Maybe you can talk to a therpist and see if maybe an antidepressent would help you get through the rough spots.
For me someone said "feelings are just feelings they aren't facts...". Which helped me but sometimes the feelings are overwhelming and my only way to deal with them is drink. It was my "go to" to fix my problems. The issue now is when I start drinking I know I am drinking to fix my problems and I always end up with a worse situation.
You know drinking won't fix it. So. don't worry about "putting on your big girl panties"... if sitting down and crying is going to make you feel better... then do it... if you need to eat a gallon of ice cream to make you feel better then do it... if you want to go run 5 miles to make yourself feel better... then do it... Do WHATEVER is going to make you feel better other then drinking and drugs.
Best wishes.
Saliena
I will tell you that the rainy weather ALWAYS makes me feel worse. I hate the winter time I have so many bad memories of things happening in the winter that I suffer from season depress. Maybe you can talk to a therpist and see if maybe an antidepressent would help you get through the rough spots.
For me someone said "feelings are just feelings they aren't facts...". Which helped me but sometimes the feelings are overwhelming and my only way to deal with them is drink. It was my "go to" to fix my problems. The issue now is when I start drinking I know I am drinking to fix my problems and I always end up with a worse situation.
You know drinking won't fix it. So. don't worry about "putting on your big girl panties"... if sitting down and crying is going to make you feel better... then do it... if you need to eat a gallon of ice cream to make you feel better then do it... if you want to go run 5 miles to make yourself feel better... then do it... Do WHATEVER is going to make you feel better other then drinking and drugs.
Best wishes.
Saliena
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I decided up front that life is what happens when you are planning other things, as Lennon once said, or close.
Pain will come, as will joy. I want no numbing of joy! I can't get over pain by dealing with the cause effectively, while drinking. Feeling pain just a little less with alcohol, but not dealing with it, even if it is to go through the steps of grief, makes that pain stay for ten times as long.
Remember this, no matter where you run, or how far, you always bring yourself (and your pain) with you.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
Pain will come, as will joy. I want no numbing of joy! I can't get over pain by dealing with the cause effectively, while drinking. Feeling pain just a little less with alcohol, but not dealing with it, even if it is to go through the steps of grief, makes that pain stay for ten times as long.
Remember this, no matter where you run, or how far, you always bring yourself (and your pain) with you.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I'm sorry you are down. Gloomy days, being alcoholic and the end of a relationship are not a good mixture. But ya know what? Turn it around...we need rain to appreciate that single flower emerging from the sidewalk, we need to let go of people and move on despite our love. People are placed in our path for a reason. We learn from the situations that happen in our life. I wish I could be more philisophical but it's just the plain truth. Things happen for a reason and it's up to us to decide how we will react to them. You can be a negative Nellie or a positive Patty. It's up to you.
Wishing you peace and strength today.
Wishing you peace and strength today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
When one door closes another one opens,
and it has for me. My 25 yr marriage ended
as was expected and on a positive note.
With my recovery foundation strong to
stand on, i moved back to my hometown
and someone in recovery was placed
in my path as a gift from Above.
Things in my life have all happened for
one reason or another and not to be
questioned. From living a sober life
in recovery following a program set
down before us yrs ago has allowed
the promises stated to us in our BB
to come true. And continue to do so
21 yrs later.
Im happily remarried inching towards
3 yrs. come Valentine's Day 2012.
Never did I ever imagine being this
happy in my life as I am today all by
living an honest life in recovery.
I was sooo miserable for so long, and
now, life is awesome.
and it has for me. My 25 yr marriage ended
as was expected and on a positive note.
With my recovery foundation strong to
stand on, i moved back to my hometown
and someone in recovery was placed
in my path as a gift from Above.
Things in my life have all happened for
one reason or another and not to be
questioned. From living a sober life
in recovery following a program set
down before us yrs ago has allowed
the promises stated to us in our BB
to come true. And continue to do so
21 yrs later.
Im happily remarried inching towards
3 yrs. come Valentine's Day 2012.
Never did I ever imagine being this
happy in my life as I am today all by
living an honest life in recovery.
I was sooo miserable for so long, and
now, life is awesome.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I think it does get easier tho soberred - not the events and stresses themselves perhaps, but the way we can react to them changes as we change in recovery...at least in my experience
wishing you the best today
D
wishing you the best today
D
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I think it does get easier tho soberred - not the events and stresses themselves perhaps, but the way we can react to them changes as we change in recovery...at least in my experience
wishing you the best today
D
wishing you the best today
D
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Trying to keep myself rational. I have the history channel on right now. Maybe that will keep my mind busy. I'm a nerdy one.
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