Supersonic

Hi

I've been here before, a few times. I'm going for anonymity this time, having posted before under a username that was a bit of a giveaway! Maybe admin could merge my old posts under this username? Anyway, that's not important now.

I've worked my way back to the point where the effect my drinking is having upon me and those around me is all too painfully clear. There is no excuse; I have a loving family, a decent career, no major worries in life. Well apart from the drinking that is, and I know if I carry on then I will sooner or later be looking back on a very fortunate life wasted.

I'm getting on for late thirties, and I've known about this problem for as long as I can remember. My past is littered with blackouts and finding myself in crazy situations that are entirely of my own making, but only realising the severity of the situation a day or two later when the fog has cleared. How I haven't brought myself or others to serious harm by now seems like a minor miracle.

I'm not an every day drinker. With some effort I can pass on it for even a few days, but the problem starts when I take that first glass. I'm fine for one, maybe two or three. But then something changes, and what I find the most disturbing part of all is that I am aware of the change. I even embrace it. And once I cross that line there is no way back. I know my level of drinking is now completely out of control, and I can see it getting worse. My body's reaction to it is also getting worse, slowly but surely.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I plan to hang around for the time being. Being here before got me further than I ever thought possible, and so I'm back again.

Impurrfect

(((Supersonic))) - you can pm one of the mods, or MorningGlory and I think they can merge the 2 accounts.

I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad you're giving sobriety another chance. You really ARE worth it! SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

hoping2quit

Me too and still trying to understand why this is so hard! I love it and I hate it! Its killing us slowly even our spirit. Can you remember having a joyfull spirit? I lie about my drinking or at least omit it. Keep on coming back! I'm going to try my hardest!

Dee74

welcome back Supersonic
have you any ideas about what you could do differently this time?

D

Supersonic

Thanks for the warm welcome guys!

Dee, that's a great question. Over the last few years I've been trying on and off, and quite often reaching around 10 days or so. But then I kind of feel like I've served my punishment, and I actually start to believe I can control it again.

I saw a local government funded counselling service but their approach was to try and re-program my view of alcohol and teach me moderation. Nice idea but never going to work in my case!

I haven't said much to my wife in the past when I've tried, too scared of building up her hopes and then trashing them. But I'm being open this time and she has suggested I try counselling again. He father died relatively young a few years ago from an alcohol related illness, and while she is supportive I think she feels from personal experience that professional help is needed. I might try a psychologist to see if they can find something; alcohol was an ongoing problem in my childhood family life.

I'm not good with social group situations, in fact they terrify me unless I've had a good drink first!

Dee74

I think counselling can be useful - hope it is for you

D

Drig

I could have written that, it's almost like you get a perverse satisfaction from admitting to yourself that this is only goign to end up one way.

I was in a bar yesterday morning after work, reading a book about a recovering alcoholic, a guy who's middle class background was basically mine. I could relate, i saw so many parrallels with my own life, down to where we grew up and where we attended college, and then.. then i had a pint, i even made a joke about the book i was reading to the barman in the hope that he might actually get it, and suggest i not have that pint. But let's be honest hear, why should it be up to the barman to tell me not to drink, i'm 24, it's my life, it's about time i stopped being a participant and started living it.

er, i didn't mean for that ramble to happen! sorry.

artsoul

Welcome back, SuperSonic!

Sounds like you're ready to break the vicious cycle. It says a lot that you've gotten honest with your wife....

We're here for you!

instant

Welcome back. I found that when I accepted that things were never going to change (only get worse) and that I had no real choice except the cold dread of endless sobriety, I found some peace.

After a preiod of instablity that went for 3 months by 6 months I am emerging to much different place. It starts with surrender.

Supersonic

It often happens before I even start drinking. I'll buy too much booze but tell myself I'm stocking up for a few days. Of course I know I'll finish it in one session, and deep down I know exactly that. It frightens me to think it is controlling me even when it's not in my blood.

But read the success stories and they prove it can be overcome.

Supersonic

Back again and sober as of today.

Still haven't conquered this, and blacking out more than ever.