I don't get it...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Seared, being in a state of abstinence, or not actively drinking at the moment, is NOT the same as being a non-drinker.
The first is a physical state, the latter is a state of being. There is a HUGE difference.
Until you self-identify as a non drinker, you will continue to drink or think about when you will drink or not drink next.
Becoming a non-drinker is a real identity shift. You are only a "paused-drinker" until that happens.
FT
The first is a physical state, the latter is a state of being. There is a HUGE difference.
Until you self-identify as a non drinker, you will continue to drink or think about when you will drink or not drink next.
Becoming a non-drinker is a real identity shift. You are only a "paused-drinker" until that happens.
FT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique 
Have I quit for good? Yes. I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind, either.
I don't recall exactly, but I have no need to keep track, either. I would only be counting the remaining days of my life, which serves no purpose. It would also suggest to others that not drinking is somehow out of character for me, and that I might return to it.
I don't recall exactly, but I have no need to keep track, either. I would only be counting the remaining days of my life, which serves no purpose. It would also suggest to others that not drinking is somehow out of character for me, and that I might return to it.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Well I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers, just saying what worked for me. Different strokes for different folks.
I think it's fair enough to say that if you're trying one approach and it's not working for you then you should try another, and if what you're doing is working for you then keep doing it.
I think it's fair enough to say that if you're trying one approach and it's not working for you then you should try another, and if what you're doing is working for you then keep doing it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'm not sure if I buy this non-drinker thing either...Sounds to me you are in denial you suffer from alcoholism and want to put a pretty label on it. I see why you don't get it...But I think you got it. I guess the way I looked at it for myself was....Do I have a problem?...Is there a solution to my problem?...What am I going to do...What action am I going to take....To solve it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Sapling
If it's been two weeks...Then you are jacking me around.
Originally Posted by Sapling
If you have long termed contented sobriety because you made a decision to stop for good...Did it...on your own. My hat's off to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by Seared
I've been posting in here, and I have my outpatient program twice a week. Is that not enough?
But, that's them and not you. That they stay sober doing that little doesn't mean much if you're not of that mold...so the question becomes is it enough for you?
If so, then great. If not, then doing a lot more is indicated. You don't get to pick and choose what will turn out to be enough for you, unfortunately. We'd all pick doing precious little if it worked that way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Originally Posted by Sapling
I'm not sure if I buy this non-drinker thing either...Sounds to me you are in denial you suffer from alcoholism and want to put a pretty label on it. I see why you don't get it...But I think you got it. I guess the way I looked at it for myself was....Do I have a problem?...Is there a solution to my problem?...What am I going to do...What action am I going to take....To solve it.
If I am reading it correctly, I have been in denial for over 20 years! I think you are still looking at this from a perspective that you NEED to label what you are doing.
I don't care much for labels, and being a non-drinker is simply a state of being and not a proclamation I make to the public. Here on SR, it is a label I use to clarify what I mean, and not some kind of badge I wear.
All the self questioning about, "do I have a problem, what is the solution, etc." is just chatter ABOUT your alcoholism or addiction, and never really gets to the point that the real answer at the end of the day is you have to STOP DRINKING. Period. End of story. No arguments. No questions.
FT
bobbycola
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7
I appreciated what langkah said, and thank you for posting that. I know when I'm lying to myself saying "I'm doing everything I can", or "doing all the right things", and yet still do all the same things wondering what happened after I've picked up. I know if enough is enough.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Seared
I've been posting in here, and I have my outpatient program twice a week. Is that not enough?
What helps me most is, when I face a situation or feeling that previously led to me choosing to use, I remind myself that using isn't the solution, didn't work then, won't work now, and find a real solution.
Sometimes the only solution at hand is not using, so that is what I do at the particular moment, and then work on things on a deeper level when I am able.
I am getting to a point where I can honestly say I WILL not use ever again. I wasn't there before. I could have said it all I wanted to, but it wouldn't have worked, because for me, at that time, it wasn't the truth.
I have multiple addictions, so I need to get to a point where I can say I will not use, period, rather than "I will not use X" because then I still leave open the option of using Y.
But as I recover from one addiction, the others are much easier to drop.
A couple nights ago, a situation came up, unexpectedly, that was the sort that I once chose to use in response to. I am talking about decades. Instead I went through my laundry list of using options and sure enough, none of them would have done any good, and simply led to harm and regret. Instead I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep.
All the books, meetings, time spent here etc are not enough to keep me clean. Ultimately I have to choose, in the moment, to not use. That is where my rubber hits the road. That is my "not starting again".
The things I hear in the books, meetings, and here help me rethink my choices, previously and currently, but I still have to make the choice.
In my situation I do find I have to make the choice more than once. Certain patterns seemed to have made a path in my brain that I have to put some effort into not following. Others are able to make the choice once and be done with it.
I don't struggle constantly or even daily with the issue of using, but I do have moments of serious wavering. I tended toward binge using, rather than chronic using, and that is reflected in my recovery as it was evident in my active addiction.
As I create new habits and patterns of thinking, I find grass grows over those old ones in my brain and I don't find myself going there as much or as strongly. I am confident that in time those paths will be completely grown over.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
The big book talks about the "real" alcoholic. some people do not need a HP...ect I know I do. I relate to everything the big book says. If I could stop drinking just by telling myself once that I would never pick up, you would never hear talk about God or turning it over or what have you. Like I said the Big Book is talking to a specific type of alcoholics.
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