Hello all - my intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 10
Hello all - my intro
I've been reading SR for a few months, but decided today it's time to participate.
I'm not sure when my use of alcohol changed from fun partying with friends, to hiding a bottle of red wine in the cabinet and sneaking the fact that I was drinking during the week from my husband .. but it happened. For years I was not really a drinker - maybe 2-3x a year, if that. I could have one glass of wine, or a beer or two and not want more. But in my late 20's, after a divorce I started partying more on weekends with friends, and by the time I was 31 or so, I was drinking a bottle of wine each weeknight and more on the weekends when it was "acceptable" to drink.
In early 2010 I found out I was pregnant and quit drinking right then. I did not touch any for the entire pregnancy. However, our baby was born with a very severe brain malformation and only lived 10 weeks. He passed away in our arms December 19, 2010 after a short life filled with seizures and medical procedures. All doctors say what he had was not caused by me - most likely infection or something very rare and genetic .. but malnutrition can also be a cause and I will forever wonder if my excessive drinking caused a nutritional imbalance esp folic acid that caused this to happen. So I didn't drink the entier pregnancy, or during our baby's life since I was pumping milk for him, but as soon as he died, I went back to drinking with a vengence. This time I was drinking daily - as well as sometimes during the day, passing out early afternoon for a little nap, and then starting again. It was very sick.
After meeting with genetics, we decided to try for another baby again. I think part of me knew this would also make me stop drinking, something I needed to do very badly. So I cut way back, but I did still over indulge on weekends when it was "acceptable" and found myself slipping back into my usual pattern of wanting wine during the week. I was taking increased vitamins and folic acid at this time, and quit completely one week before my period was due, and before I found out I was pregnant again. So I have been sober since early August 2011.
This is of course a stressful pregnancy, but I am being watched very closely and so far this baby is developing just fine. More than anything, I have realized I have a serious problem with alcohol. During my last pregnancy, I didn't drink to protect my baby .. but I also didn't admit I had a problem and thought I could go back to "normal" drinking after the baby was born. I now know that is NOT possible - it's a slippery slope for me that I need to stay completely away from. I need to be a non-drinker, forever. I've accepted that. Now I guess it is time to do the work and take the steps I need to stay sober after this baby is born. I'm not sure exactly where to start ... AA does not appeal to me. I have been reading here, and find it very encouraging.
I have not yet spoken to my husband about all of this. He's a great guy and will be very supportive .. he's brought to my attention several times what an idiot I've been while drinking, etc and has mentioned I might have a problem. Of course, he does not know the extent of my drinking because I often hid the weekday drinking from him completely. He's a "normal" drinker - meaning he can have a few beers or mixed drinks on the weekend and not go overboard .. well, maybe he'll drink to get a buzz but he does not go beyond a certain limit and never drinks during the week, etc. When I'm pregnant he barely drinks at all since he looses his "drinking buddy" ... I've got to tell him that his drinking buddy is never coming back, but I do think he will support that.
So, hi. That is my story. I hope to be around here and gain some of the tools I need to never turn back to alcohol.
I'm not sure when my use of alcohol changed from fun partying with friends, to hiding a bottle of red wine in the cabinet and sneaking the fact that I was drinking during the week from my husband .. but it happened. For years I was not really a drinker - maybe 2-3x a year, if that. I could have one glass of wine, or a beer or two and not want more. But in my late 20's, after a divorce I started partying more on weekends with friends, and by the time I was 31 or so, I was drinking a bottle of wine each weeknight and more on the weekends when it was "acceptable" to drink.
In early 2010 I found out I was pregnant and quit drinking right then. I did not touch any for the entire pregnancy. However, our baby was born with a very severe brain malformation and only lived 10 weeks. He passed away in our arms December 19, 2010 after a short life filled with seizures and medical procedures. All doctors say what he had was not caused by me - most likely infection or something very rare and genetic .. but malnutrition can also be a cause and I will forever wonder if my excessive drinking caused a nutritional imbalance esp folic acid that caused this to happen. So I didn't drink the entier pregnancy, or during our baby's life since I was pumping milk for him, but as soon as he died, I went back to drinking with a vengence. This time I was drinking daily - as well as sometimes during the day, passing out early afternoon for a little nap, and then starting again. It was very sick.
After meeting with genetics, we decided to try for another baby again. I think part of me knew this would also make me stop drinking, something I needed to do very badly. So I cut way back, but I did still over indulge on weekends when it was "acceptable" and found myself slipping back into my usual pattern of wanting wine during the week. I was taking increased vitamins and folic acid at this time, and quit completely one week before my period was due, and before I found out I was pregnant again. So I have been sober since early August 2011.
This is of course a stressful pregnancy, but I am being watched very closely and so far this baby is developing just fine. More than anything, I have realized I have a serious problem with alcohol. During my last pregnancy, I didn't drink to protect my baby .. but I also didn't admit I had a problem and thought I could go back to "normal" drinking after the baby was born. I now know that is NOT possible - it's a slippery slope for me that I need to stay completely away from. I need to be a non-drinker, forever. I've accepted that. Now I guess it is time to do the work and take the steps I need to stay sober after this baby is born. I'm not sure exactly where to start ... AA does not appeal to me. I have been reading here, and find it very encouraging.
I have not yet spoken to my husband about all of this. He's a great guy and will be very supportive .. he's brought to my attention several times what an idiot I've been while drinking, etc and has mentioned I might have a problem. Of course, he does not know the extent of my drinking because I often hid the weekday drinking from him completely. He's a "normal" drinker - meaning he can have a few beers or mixed drinks on the weekend and not go overboard .. well, maybe he'll drink to get a buzz but he does not go beyond a certain limit and never drinks during the week, etc. When I'm pregnant he barely drinks at all since he looses his "drinking buddy" ... I've got to tell him that his drinking buddy is never coming back, but I do think he will support that.
So, hi. That is my story. I hope to be around here and gain some of the tools I need to never turn back to alcohol.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Welcome to SR. You'll get heaps of support here, whenever you ask.
Congratulations on your preganancy. I'm so happy for you that everything is looking good and that you're taking great care of you and baby.
I'm also so sorry for your loss. I was nearly 4 months along before we found out I was pregnant. I know what it's like to blame oneself. I don't believe for a minute that you had anything to do with your baby's health problems. Sometimes things just don't work out..you did everything you could to keep healthy. I'm so sorry.
((((welcome)))
Congratulations on your preganancy. I'm so happy for you that everything is looking good and that you're taking great care of you and baby.
I'm also so sorry for your loss. I was nearly 4 months along before we found out I was pregnant. I know what it's like to blame oneself. I don't believe for a minute that you had anything to do with your baby's health problems. Sometimes things just don't work out..you did everything you could to keep healthy. I'm so sorry.
((((welcome)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
ForReal... Welcome..You have come to a good place..lots of support. Keep posting. I am new to being sober myself and have had some challenges, but have found lots of useful information here. I wish you all the best in your pregancy! Keep Healthy!
Jim
Jim
I wish you the best in your pregnancy and in your sober life.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by ForReal 
I now know that is NOT possible - it's a slippery slope for me that I need to stay completely away from. I need to be a non-drinker, forever. I've accepted that.
The quote above is a very solid building block to your recovery. I do not go to AA but I have come to realise there is important wisdom in the 12 steps (see step 1 in relation to your post). I found reading the Big Book invaluable.
My wife is a normal drinker. I have found it helpful to explain to her the phenomenon of craving, triggers and urges etc and the associated mental experiences. I also have stressed to her the importance to me in my recovery to come to SR each day.
Wishing you all the best and see you around
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome!
I'm very sorry about the loss of your baby. That is so sad.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and especially on committing yourself to living a sober life. It's good that you recognize you need to make some changes in your life in order to stay sober after the baby is born. I'm not an AA person either, but I do hang out here for daily inspiration.
I believe that alcoholism is a disease, but I think that stopping drinking does not solve the problem. There are usually issues that we have to deal with. For me, learning to say 'No', was a big one. And, I have learned the balance is really important. Maybe you can look into some kind of exercise program that you can get involved in, when your baby is born?
I'm very sorry about the loss of your baby. That is so sad.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and especially on committing yourself to living a sober life. It's good that you recognize you need to make some changes in your life in order to stay sober after the baby is born. I'm not an AA person either, but I do hang out here for daily inspiration.
I believe that alcoholism is a disease, but I think that stopping drinking does not solve the problem. There are usually issues that we have to deal with. For me, learning to say 'No', was a big one. And, I have learned the balance is really important. Maybe you can look into some kind of exercise program that you can get involved in, when your baby is born?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hello and welcome!
I am so sorry about the loss if your child. Even though I do not have children I know there is nothing worse. So many people find that loss can accelerate a drinking problem. And if one good thing can come from this it is your realization that you need to stop.
I have found that by viewing A life without alcohol as a blessing instead of a burden I can embrace sobriety joyfully. That has been a key for me. I am close to 17 months with no formal program (I do SR and have had therapy for non-alcohol issues). I don't actually recommend the no program approach but it can be done.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. You and your family are in my prayers
I am so sorry about the loss if your child. Even though I do not have children I know there is nothing worse. So many people find that loss can accelerate a drinking problem. And if one good thing can come from this it is your realization that you need to stop.
I have found that by viewing A life without alcohol as a blessing instead of a burden I can embrace sobriety joyfully. That has been a key for me. I am close to 17 months with no formal program (I do SR and have had therapy for non-alcohol issues). I don't actually recommend the no program approach but it can be done.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. You and your family are in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Hi and welcome - yes it's hard drinking and I agree with you it's really hard coming to terms with the fact that you have an issue when you're not "that" bad of a drinker. I have to keep in mind that every drinker thinks they're not "that bad" of a drinker.
Nice to have you hanging out with us. Nice group of supportive folks here on SR.
Nice to have you hanging out with us. Nice group of supportive folks here on SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 10
Thank you for the warm welcome!
LaFemme, the loss of our baby certainly did accelerate my drinking - I wanted to be numb, and it did the trick. Very scary stuff - I actually had a pretty embarassing black out incident on New Years with some friends .. that was one of my "uh oh, this is a problem" moments, but it didn't stop me.
Tigger41, I don't know .. I felt pretty shady hiding a bottle of wine in the cabinet each night and chugging red wine while I cooked dinner. I'm not sure how my husband didn't know (he might have...) but while I wasn't at rock bottom, I could see I was headed there eventually.
It's pretty tough to admit to my sick mind that I will never drink again. I've been struggling with that since I quit back in August. My husband and I had some great times going out drinking - sports bars as our dates, etc ... my problem is that it does not end there, I start drinking during the week. Plus even on our dates sometimes I would overdo it and embarass him. I have a problem, that's what happens. He would always say 'Why can't you just pace yourself!?" - because that's not how I drink. Sorry.
I'm really glad to be here, thanks again for the welcome. I figure if I can get through December without drinking (which I will, I'm pregnant!) then I can do anything. This is a super hard month as it was when our baby was back in the hospital for the final time and we had to make very difficult decisions that were in his best interest, but that no parent should have to make for their child. He died in our arms December 19th. I'm struggling emotionally right now (although no desire to drink) ... so I appreciate the support, so much.
LaFemme, the loss of our baby certainly did accelerate my drinking - I wanted to be numb, and it did the trick. Very scary stuff - I actually had a pretty embarassing black out incident on New Years with some friends .. that was one of my "uh oh, this is a problem" moments, but it didn't stop me.
Tigger41, I don't know .. I felt pretty shady hiding a bottle of wine in the cabinet each night and chugging red wine while I cooked dinner. I'm not sure how my husband didn't know (he might have...) but while I wasn't at rock bottom, I could see I was headed there eventually.
It's pretty tough to admit to my sick mind that I will never drink again. I've been struggling with that since I quit back in August. My husband and I had some great times going out drinking - sports bars as our dates, etc ... my problem is that it does not end there, I start drinking during the week. Plus even on our dates sometimes I would overdo it and embarass him. I have a problem, that's what happens. He would always say 'Why can't you just pace yourself!?" - because that's not how I drink. Sorry.
I'm really glad to be here, thanks again for the welcome. I figure if I can get through December without drinking (which I will, I'm pregnant!) then I can do anything. This is a super hard month as it was when our baby was back in the hospital for the final time and we had to make very difficult decisions that were in his best interest, but that no parent should have to make for their child. He died in our arms December 19th. I'm struggling emotionally right now (although no desire to drink) ... so I appreciate the support, so much.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, ForReal!
I can't imagine all the emotions you must be having at this time - wow....... :ghug3Being newly sober, our feelings can seem even stronger. Of course, the good news is that we don't have the depression/anxiety that comes from drinking.
It really does help to have lots of support and there's a ton of that here. It's also great that you feel your husband can be a part of that.
One thing that helps me when I'm having a really bad day is stopping to think of everything I have to be grateful for, even the basics like a roof over my head and food to eat. It puts thing in perspective for me.
Keep reading/posting - and welcome to a new, sober journey!
I can't imagine all the emotions you must be having at this time - wow....... :ghug3Being newly sober, our feelings can seem even stronger. Of course, the good news is that we don't have the depression/anxiety that comes from drinking.
It really does help to have lots of support and there's a ton of that here. It's also great that you feel your husband can be a part of that.
One thing that helps me when I'm having a really bad day is stopping to think of everything I have to be grateful for, even the basics like a roof over my head and food to eat. It puts thing in perspective for me.
Keep reading/posting - and welcome to a new, sober journey!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
welcome to SR ForReal
I'm so sorry for your loss - but thrilled for you and your husband that you're expecting again
I came here in 2007 having nearly died from my drinking - even then I wasn't sure what I wanted to do....
I found a lot of support encouragement love and understanding from the people here - a lot of hope too
I know you'll find the same
Looking forward to seeing you around
D
I'm so sorry for your loss - but thrilled for you and your husband that you're expecting again
I came here in 2007 having nearly died from my drinking - even then I wasn't sure what I wanted to do....
I found a lot of support encouragement love and understanding from the people here - a lot of hope too
I know you'll find the same
Looking forward to seeing you around
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by ForReal
I went back to drinking with a vengence. This time I was drinking daily - as well as sometimes during the day, passing out early afternoon for a little nap, and then starting again. It was very sick.
But that is for me...And may not be for you. Recovery is the most important thing for you....No matter how you get it. There is nice little piece out of the back of the Big Book that I got a lot out of. It's in one of the stories. It goes like this....
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake.
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake.
What happened with your child is something nobody wants to hear about. But there is no way you can blame yourself for that. It may have been what got you here. I look back at my drinking past and it was total wreckage...But it made me look into getting help...Hell of a price to pay...But I paid it. However you do decide to get yourself better...I would only hope that you would have some kind of sprituality with it...I am a firm believer that prayer is the most powerful tool we have. Use it. Take care of yourself.
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