Thank you for the warm welcome!
LaFemme, the loss of our baby certainly did accelerate my drinking - I wanted to be numb, and it did the trick. Very scary stuff - I actually had a pretty embarassing black out incident on New Years with some friends .. that was one of my "uh oh, this is a problem" moments, but it didn't stop me.
Tigger41, I don't know .. I felt pretty shady hiding a bottle of wine in the cabinet each night and chugging red wine while I cooked dinner. I'm not sure how my husband didn't know (he might have...) but while I wasn't at rock bottom, I could see I was headed there eventually.
It's pretty tough to admit to my sick mind that I will never drink again. I've been struggling with that since I quit back in August. My husband and I had some great times going out drinking - sports bars as our dates, etc ... my problem is that it does not end there, I start drinking during the week. Plus even on our dates sometimes I would overdo it and embarass him. I have a problem, that's what happens. He would always say 'Why can't you just pace yourself!?" - because that's not how I drink. Sorry.
I'm really glad to be here, thanks again for the welcome. I figure if I can get through December without drinking (which I will, I'm pregnant!) then I can do anything. This is a super hard month as it was when our baby was back in the hospital for the final time and we had to make very difficult decisions that were in his best interest, but that no parent should have to make for their child. He died in our arms December 19th. I'm struggling emotionally right now (although no desire to drink) ... so I appreciate the support, so much.