melancholia

I mean, I think we all feel like crap when first coming here...or at least most of us do, likely.

I suspect the only reason anyone joins this site is to seek help, to admit they have a problem. Like we all do, or we wouldn't be members.

I seriously doubt anyone comes here to brag about the fact that they can't control their drinking, have messed up their lives and the lives of others, and how great is that!...lol.

So, not being a big fan of cruelty, myself, I can't help but ask: How in the name of oven mitts is it helpful to anyone--yourself, existing members or newcomers--to make someone feel even worse? When they are taking their first shaky, scary, tentative steps toward recovery? To tell them they have to join this program or that, to say they are going to die if they don't do as you say?

Yeah, I've been known to be an a-hole when drinking. But no amount of booze could make me that big of one.

Dee74

I have to say I didn't see any of that in your thread magnolia.

I do remember how it was when I first arrived here tho - I was pretty vulnerable and scared - I always try to recall how I felt and reflect that in the posts I write and I think most people here do.

If we're driving people away, we're not really doing our job IMO.

All I saw tho were people taking time out trying to help - some are a little blunter than others sure - but you'll find that everywhere.

There are some very honest straight talkers here - and I'm very thankful there were/are, because some of them saved my life I think.

If you have problems with any particular post (or PM), use the report button on that post/PM and a mod or admin will always check it out

D

JTele

Well, I've been on SR for most of the year now, and while I don't post much anymore, this place has helped me immensely. I won't tell you to find a support program, nor will I tell you that you're going to die if you don't get help. The bottom line is that you have to figure these things out for yourself. In the end, though, it's ultimately your decision as to whether or not you decide to get better, and only you can determine which route to sobriety works best for you. One thing for certain is that we'll all agree that substance abuse of any kind certainly wasn't doing any of us any good.

camedown

I do support and recommend AA, but only because it has been so good to me, I try not to be preachy about it, but my fondness for the program may come across as such.


camedown

GirlFromCO

I agree with Dee - I didn't see anyone trying to make you feel bad about being here. Everyone was encouraging you to go to your meeting and work on getting better. You're smart so I doubt you really expected people to chat about pizza vs. sandwiches after all the other really important stuff you wrote :ghug3

LaFemme

Hi! I didn't see the thread but I know that when I got here I experienced a little of what you are talking about. I was very defensive about how I was approaching things (sans a program) and so when anyone questioned it I got upset.

With time I realize that they were acting in the only way they knew to try and help. Maybe someone giving them a strong opinion was the key that saved them? When you look at it that way you can see it as an act of concern rather than an act of criticism.

I hope that helps!

Anna

I read your previous thread and I think our members were offering their heartfelt advice to you. If someone's posts upset you, then please use the Ignore feature and you won't see any of that person's posts.

Tigger41

Wow for me this site has been a life saver. I'm using it as a place I can go and "speak" to people who have been through this and learn from them. I know many support AA but I know in my heart it's not for me. I have found some good reading material and ideas from folks here who have quit without the use of AA and with it.

I go here a lot to solidify my commitment and to keep myself busy so I don't drink and to reach out when I need support.

Also it's a great place to go and talk about your feelings and what you've been though - to folks who have been there and don't have to be as worried as much about being judged. I mean I'm a Mom of 4 - not many folks are going to give me compassion that I blacked out while putting my kids to bed and understand just how crapy I feel about that.

I hope you find the help you need - I would be lost without this site right now - I'm only 3 weeks in and it's my lifeline.

Gerbosko

When you accept that you have a problem and find a place where others are recovering and there is hundreds of posts a day and all of them get replied to with advice, I think that's pretty amazing. I had some flawed logic when I first joined SR and I was defensive to accept some of the advice posted. You know what? Within my first week here, the advice was actually spot on and it made sense.

We're not trying to make a person feel bad, we're giving advice based on our experience and we're not forcing someone by the arm to take our advice or go into rehab, we're just suggesting it.

Calm down.

Fenris

I thank God every day for the fact that people on here are not afraid to say what they think or feel, and that people who have more sober time than I do come here to give advice that I can use in my daily life. I want what they have and I'm willing to listen and learn. Some people are more blunt than others. I do remember when I first came here, how emotionally raw I was -- feeling my emotions again for the first time in years. I try to keep that in mind when I post. I have yet to come across anyone in the six months I've been on this board whose sole purpose seems to be making others feel bad or has a "my way or death" attitude, and frankly, I think that's f***** amazing. The issues discussed here are truly life or death for many of us, and I would sincerely hope that no one ever holds their tongue for fear of hurting someone's feelings with a little straight talk that could save or change their lives. That's my two cents.

--Fenris.

Programmer27

I took the "no bs" posts in my thread as a sign that there are people here who do truly want to help people recover.

It was a post like that, that most hit home with me, because it was full of truth.