searching

after almost a year of self control or no drinking at all Im back at it. Going on 2 or 3 weeks now a 1/5 th of vodka a day. I tried just cold turkey today and couldnt do it, the shakes, the chest pain was to much. Found a small bottle of vodka and drank it. Ive lost my job, my wife is about done with me and my poor little boy the love of my life is only 6 and doesnt understand why daddy sleeps all the time. I missed taking him trick or treating, his cub scout meetings so much lately and its killing me. I went threw detox at the local hospital before, checked myself in and this is almost worst. I just dont know if I can go through that again. It was like prison, they lock your room at night, take your shoes, theres a lights out time it was terrible just terrible but Im going to need some help cause Im scared to detox on my own. I have even thought about just ending it all cause Im sooo frustrated. I just dont know what to do, just that little bit of vodka helped but its gone and the shakes and stuff will be back soon. I just cry all the time anymore.......

Dee74

I'm sorry you're back in a struggle.

Do seek medical support for your detox - anythings better than ending up dead or whatever else could happen searching.

Have you considered rehab at all?
I believe the Salvation Army offers free services in most parts of the US.

D

doggonecarl

Once the withdrawals are over (and I'm with Dee, seek medical care for this) what's the plan? I've glanced through your previous posts and I didn't see where you were following a recovery program. Forgive me if I missed a reference to one. I did see a post where you were resistant to the idea of AA. Seeing how your sobriety journey has been marked with relapse after relapse, are you willing to reconsider?

Desperation alone doesn't seem to be working as a recovery plan. Good luck, Searching.

searching

right now I just want to get threw this part of my life without dying, I will worry about the rehab after I finally stop throwing up....

least

For heaven's sake, if you're that bad off GO TO THE ER!!! Sounds like serious w/d - don't mess around. Get medical help! NOW!

LoftyIdeals

Least is right, searching. Don't risk further damage to yourself and your family by toughing it out alone. Seek medical help. Your son is counting on you to be there.

Opivotal

((Searching)) Please consider seeing a Doctor about your withdrawal. It can be dangerous and they can help you detox safely.



Best Wishes To You!

Tuesday24

I agree with the other posters searching. Detoxing from alcohol can kill. Please get help.

aasharon90

My 2 little ones were 6 and 4 when family
stepped in with an intervention when I tried
to end what I assumed was a miserable,
hopeless life I was living.

I spent the first night in the physic ward
of the hospital because of my questionable
state of mind. That night I saw many patiants
shuffling across the floor, hugging the walls,
mumbling, and I felt sorry for them, yet
scared to death because I knew i wasnt like
them and didnt want to be like them. It was
just so sad to see them in that state.

The next day i passed all the mental test thrown
at me and the result of my actions was due to
my lack of control in my drinking. Or in other
words, an alcohol problem.

The next 28 days i spent in rehab recieving the
tools and knowledge of my alcoholism and set
on a path of recovery incorperating the steps
and principles of steps provided to us to learn
to live a day at a time without drinking.

Just before i was released I was told If i was
sent home i would surely relapse and they wanted
to send me out of state to a halfway house for
6 months. Well........

I knew i had 2 little ones at home and I didnt
want to be sent away from them any longer than
I had already, so I begged I would do whatever it
took or need to do to stay close to home.....so,
A 6 week outpatiant was suggested in which I
took and went home.

My little ones meant more to me than anything and
staying sober was what i needed to do and did it.

I hung on with dear life, went to meetings, listened,
absorbed and walked the walk a day at a time
staying sober.

That was 21 yrs ago, and my kids are now grown,
healthy, happy, college degreed, married, and no
addiction, that you Higher Power.

It wasnt my time to go back then and my HP
wasnt thru with me yet because I had a big job
to do. That job was to raise 2 of His children
with His help and guidance, and that is exactly
what I did.

What a blessing. What a gift. Thank you HP.

keithj

Hi searching, good to see you back. This is what I posted to you two years ago, when you were in exactly the same hopeless position. It still stands.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, detoxing in a medical institution (or anywhere else) can be a horrible experience, but just quitting drinking at your level of chronic alcoholism has no easy way out no matter the way forward.

Supervised detoxing is the way to go if your also feeling suicidal...

In any case, seek a proper supervised detox. The Salvation Army often provides a more personal detox and after care than is done through a hospital or medical detox center.

After care after detox is vitally important for continued success.

I hope things soon get better for you.

Hevyn

Searching - I'm glad you came back here to tell us about your struggle. We are worried about you and want you to make it through this so you can have the wonderful new life that waits for you. Please be careful.

Once this detox is over, you never have to return to hell again. You can make it - I did, after drinking my whole life. I never thought I'd be able to live without it, but I see now that my fears were for nothing. We don't need to get numb to face things - we can handle things much better when we're clear-headed and not in a fog. You can make it - please don't give up, and keep posting.

Anna

Searching, I hope that you have talked to your dr by now and gotten help for your detox.

Please let us know how you're doing.

wpainterw

When I was in a rehab there was a guy there who said he had been drinking a fifth of vodka a day. I was talking with him and all of a sudden he went into convulsions. He started speaking nonsense and fell on the floor like he was having an epileptic fit. The nurses and doctors got on it in a matter of minutes and brought him back. I'm not a doctor but it looked to me like he would probably have died if he had been trying to detox "at home". Going to a detox is always hard, unpleasant to put it mildly. But the alternatives are much much worse.

W.

steelmagnolia

seriously...you need medical attention. and, when the detox is over, you need to face the fact that your previous methods of sobriety are hogwash. i see your join date is 2004...that's 7 years of wanting to be sober! give it up!! seek help!! get into rehab!! do it right this time!! your child is 6...you have been admittingly intoxicated for 7!! you are moaning and missing the most incredible time of your life. check your shoes in at the door and pray for sanity!!....i did. don't continue to regret your life. good luck and good love....mags

CaiHong

Hi Searching

Nothing more to add that the others posters haven't said. I just want to wish you the best and I hope you make it. A good sobriety is better than you would ever dream of.
Peace of mind, you can have it.

CaiHong

searching

I went to the ER the other night, the said my lab work all came back fine and that I should be safe. I went to my doctor yesterday and he gave me some stuff to help with the withdraws and we have steps in place to move forward. I also have a meeting with my old therapist on Monday, I just hope I can make it to then cause evenwith the stuf he gave the cravings are still there, and god I hate the laying there not being able to sleep, the thinking of all the stupid **** you did, regrete, its almost as bad as the withdraws, not quite as bad but almost. at least we have a plan, not to just stick with it.... thanks for all the responces!!!!!

Dee74

I'm glad you got some professional advice, searching.
I really hope you'll stick it out

D

wpainterw

You should find that the sleeping problem, which is very common, gets much better in a matter of days. Usually I found that I got over that in three days and that after that I was sleeping very soundly. I think that the brain has been starved for REM sleep (the soundest) and when the alcohol gets out of your system your brain starts to make up for lost time. Watch TV (avoid programs with booze in them) and maybe read a boring book. Some books have a way of promoting sleep.I've even written a few myself.

W.

Surlyredhead

For me, when I was truly ready to quit(or die) the pain of (supervised)detox and treatment was so much better than what I was going through it was worth it. Remember, when those cravings hit, REMEMBER what you felt like the day you quit and know that you never have to feel that way again. Take it slow, one day, one minute, one second at a time, each click of the clock sober is a huge accomplishment. Also, as much as you love your family, you MUST do this for YOU....because without you...there is no family. Good luck.

Cathy