TommyJ

My birthday was on wednesday. I turned 19. I've been struggling with a drug problem since i was 15. The first time i did anything was drink in the bahamas at the age of 13. I new that i loved it but it wasn't the spark of my addiction. My first actual drug was probably my worst; in the ninth grade i snorted an 80mg oxycontin that a friend gave away at my school. My mom found me in the tub passed out, about to drown in my own filth. i don't know why i did it. I've had chronic pain my entire life and have always blamed it on that, the drugs and drinking being a substitute for happiness that i couldn't find in sobriety. I just didn't -and don't- want to be in pain anymore. The bars in my back, the neuropathy in my shoulder, and nerve damage can be too much to bare at times. Over my high school years i smoked a lot of weed, popped pills occasionally, did shrooms, did acid, did coke, and did ecstasy. Those were a problem for me too, but the underlying issue was always alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, and so was his father. I've always been told that "i just have the gene," though i've convinced myself that i am the worst of any person i have met and ever will meet. I drink alone, i steal my roommate's alcohol, i drink myself mad, i have hangovers that last all day, and i've lost the simple, guilt-free joy i used to experience when having just a few drinks. Also i cannot seem to bring myself to do ANYTHING without the effects of drinking. On top of that, there's not much i can enjoy anymore... every feeling i have i compare to being buzzed. I just want this to go away man... my life is such a bitch right now. If anyone has some advice, i'd appreciate it. It also just helps to express the feelings i always keep to myself.

Thanks, Tom

goalofsobriety

I'm sorry your struggling so much. I'm glad that you realized that you need a change so early on...you still have so much time to live a wonderful sober life. Have you looked into any Young Persons AA meetings in your area? I go to one where I live in CA. Also, have you considered therapy? If you need help figuring out how to get a therapist I can help you...my dad is a psychologist and I know a lot about getting into different types of therapy.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I know that chronic pain can be so hard to live with. Have you talked to your dr about ways to deal with your pain or looked for a pain clinic? You might be able to find ways to help alleviate your pain.

It's an overwhelming feeling to know that alcohol has taken over your life. But, there are many of us here who have won the battle and are living sober and happy lives. Take a look around our message boards and you will find lots of support and information.

Tuesday24

Welcome to SR You will find lots of support here. Keep reading and posting.

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find a lot of support here.

Dee74

Welcome Tom

I agree with Anna that there are far better ways to deal with chronic pain than drinking/self medicating. See a Dr or visit a pain clinic

Coming here is a great start - you'll find a lot of support here, but have you thought of real life support to help you deal with your drinking Tom - AA? SMART? rehab?

D

Hevyn

Tom, I also turn into a different person when drinking. I've done many things I'm ashamed of. It doesn't make you a bad person - you're an alcoholic. It's time to find the real you - to do that, you need a clear head. Staying numb with drugs & alcohol distorts our personalities & makes it impossible to move forward in life.

It's great you came here. You aren't alone with your problems any longer. As you said, it helps to express the feelings you usually keep buried inside. That's what we're here for. I hope you'll keep reading & posting - we care about you.

TommyJ

Thanks for all the positive reinforcement guys. I just emailed my counselor at UCF and i guess when i go in they'll do an evaluation and see what kind of help i need. I just need to be honest, even though your darkest secrets are hard to talk about. I'm sober right now, though i have the shakes, cold sweats, and anxiety because of it. Does anyone know of easy remedies to diminish these side effects?

Thanks again for all the input
Tom

sissy07

Tommy,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Sounds like you have had a hard life. Please see a doctor and be totally honest (bring a copy of your post and hand it to him - that may be easier than talking - I have done that before). You really need serious help - counseling, young people's AA or maybe rehab. If you start feeling worse detoxing you had better get some help - ER or a clinic? I wish I could think of something profound to say....just do everything possible to get help. I could feel your pain....you don't have to live that way, you really don't (take it from someone that has been to hell and back). Take care.