Theanimalinme

I am almost one week sober. I've been smoking oxys for a year and half n recently started smoking heroin(maybe for just a month if that). The immodium helps my stomach, n have been sleeping fine with help of xanax(small dose). I have a lot going on right now, loss of a loved one, job descisons, relocating, ect. My point is I feel so helpless, alone, and empty and just want to cry all the time. I feel lethargic and don't want to do anything it's like I'm dragging myself when I'm walking. I get these INTENSE cravings for a pill but refused to pay the price for it even though I use to pay WHATEVER it cost when I "needed" it. I'm past the irritability and lashing out at people, but I can't take the feeling of being alone and empty and crying.

How long is this going to last? I feel it is SOOOO stupid to pay $30 for one little pill and that's a good sign bc if I think of all the money I have spent from feb 2010 to oct 2011 on this crap it makes me SICK. But I just wanna throw a tantrum put my head through a wall and just cry. The feeling is so intense one minute that $30 for ONE would be a life saver but then it passes; but I still feel depressed and empty. How long is this going to last for? any advice would help

suki44883

You might start by checking out detox facilities. They can help you get over the withdrawals.

Anna

Have you talked to your dr? Is the xanax you're taking prescribed by your dr?

I think it would be a good idea to get some medical advice, and try to be patient with yourself and your recovery. It takes time.

Dee74

Hi Theanimalinme

I think early recovery is always rough - no matter what our drugs of choice was.
Supports very important so I'm glad you've found us. You're not alone here

You may also want to check out our Substance Abuse forum as well?
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You'll find a lot of support there as well

D

Theanimalinme

Yes I have been on a small dose of anxiety meds since having a panic attack while driving years ago. Only take as needed, not to get high. I never had an addicting personality,but oxys n H like feeds the animal in me, I curse the day I EVER took that hit.

Could it be what's going on in my life adding to the withdrawals? I'm not aching so bad, my stomach hurts but immodium helps. Hot n cold flashes are bearable. Now I'm fine and feel somewhat normal. Not as lethargic but still wouldnt wanna go out to a club ya know? Or be around new people. I feel anti social. But at points I get so emotional and would do anything for a hit but never follow through and I'm proud of myself for that bc I paid $50 for one pill once in the past. When I wanted it money was NEVER an issue when I wanted my pill. It comes in waves and when I feel empty I get the most intense cravings like one pills gonna really gonna make a difference(it's not, n just a waste of money) I just wanna know how long this will last.

I've wasted my money, lost friends n family, and want to start living normal again. How long will these waves come n go of feeling depressed n having cravings.

Theanimalinme

If I posted in the wrong place can it be moved? Sorry if I did

least

This isn't the 'wrong' place. Newcomers forum is usually where newcomers start out.

Liberty47

I thought oxy's were no longer smokeable? I only asked because that was my DOC and I was so relieved that they made oxycontin nonabuseable because that drug has killed so many and led so many to heroin- myself included!! I'm not clear from your post but I'm so sorry for what you are going through- are you detoxing or still using?

Liberty47

Oh!! my bad. Congrats on one week sober. Are you sober off the heroin alone or a buprenorphine taper? In my experience it took me about two weeks to feel mentally better after detoxing off of pills and heroin, and a month to feel better physically. When I did suboxone tapers it was a bit longer.

Dee74

It's not the wrong place - just letting you know of other forums you might like to check out as well

D

sugarbear1

Go to NA & work the steps!

wpainterw

The interesting thing about this is that you seem to sense the problem, namely the "animal in [yourself]" Quite true. This is the primitive part of your brain, sometimes called the "lizard" brain. It still wants you to give it that $30 "pill" it got so used to in the past. Right now it has a lot of power over your conscious mind. But you can deal with that in time. In time if you have the help of an experienced doctor, a wise counselor and some others who have greater time in recovery, the power of the primitive brain will grow less and less. But right now you're in a very precarious position. Seek all the help you can get and, above all, don't ever give in and go for that $30 pill. At most it might give you only a few hours of relief and then hell starts all over again, only worse! Good luck.

W.

Lily

it took me about 2 to 3 weeks for the depression to lift. I remember still feeling nauseaous at day 13, but I took my son to a church carnival that night anyway. It really did get better from there, but the shame made me depressed.

You can get through this, the suggestions mentioned here are good ones, meetings, steps, some other people in recovery. Take good care of yourself. Eat right, take a multivitamin and find an NA meeting. I promise if you do not pick up (which is majorily only prolonging your recovery) you will find the depression lifting and soon! You are almost there!!!

Lily

Theanimalinme

Right, OCs turned to OPs but that still leaves Opana's(hextagon shape), and oxycodone(Roxie's). Those can all be crushed n smoked. Plus, H is always around n let's be honest $30 of H will get u more "bang for ur buck". So basically making OCs "non abusable" just made everyone raise price for Roxie's or turned everyone to H. From feb 2010-Oct 2011 I was smoking oxys/roxys then recently started smoking H.

I took at quarter of a sub Monday bc my stomach was killing me. Then threw it out bc I don't want to replace one drug with another; plus I heard suboxone withdrawl is worse. I'm achy, depressed, hot n cold flashes, goosebumps, had irritablity but thats gone. Surprisingly no vomiting(why is that?)Immodium helps with stomach.

It's just I get these waves of emptiness, loneliness and just wanna cry. That's when the $30 seems like it would be the best $30 spent to have just ONE Roxie. Then I think, $30 for one pill that's gonna last 5 mins n wont even get me high. Not worth it. I'm just gonna want more and be a monster when it's gone. Will these intense feelings of cravings go away? Or am I gonna live the rest of my life like this? The feeling does pass eventually? It's a disgusting habit...all my "friends" including my ex all turned into liars, I wouldn't trust them with ANYTHING or ANYTHING they say. It was like a "jealously" think to know ones getting high n I'm not(or whoever is not included). It sounds stupid but that's what my life turned into. It's a feeling of this drug is all I have to live for, wake up wondering when my dealers gonna come through so I can smoke...so not worth it. I should want to go out n meet new ppl and have FUN sober but I don't want to do anything...

Thanks for all your advice and support I really appreciate it! If you felt better after 2-3 weeks of depression then that gives me more hope bc I'm halfway there...those intense feelings is when I'm scared relapse will happen, like the demons are taking over begging to feed. I read withdrawals can last for months...and that scared the **** out of me bc I was at the point I wasn't getting high to just "escape", it was to not get sick. I'm gonna try no Xanax for insomnia and try on my own to sleep. How long does insomnia last?

Thanks again for all your advice and support, definitely helps!

instant

The emotional aspects of withdrawal are tough, but if you want a better life you can gain strength my embracing the feelings not running from them. I get a sense your chemistry might be all over the place with the various things you are taking. Finding real you is worth it. Is a formal detox an option for you?

Theanimalinme

I lost my grandparent last week, hence why I'm "detoxing" I'm away from all the "bad" influences. So basically I'm. Not drowning my pain in drugs, I'm facing reality for the first time in almost 2 years. I see friends and family members living happy normal lives starting there own families, I want that for myself. My ex was a drug seeker who dr shopped, found loser dealer after dealer then turned from pills to H. He would spend ALL money on drugs, not saying he "stole" my money I would want to buy as well but he at one point forced me to pawn all my jewelry. I have no more jewelry. Not even the engagement ring I begged him not to sell; but I wouldn't marry a loser like that anyway. I don't want a life like that. I feel if I get away from my "old lifestyle" I can do it
On my own, plus I can't face asking for formal help from relatives too ashamed n embarassed to admit it. Of course they would help but I can't put that on them. I have experimented here n there in the past with other things, but nothing was ever like this...EVER. After the "cravings" pass, I feel OK and have a little more energy. But I know tomorrow at some point(it's my bday n ALWAYS hate bdays) I will have some demon trying to break out wanting me to feed it. Just wondering how long the depression n intense cravings will last. It passes but when I'm wanting to feed, lonely, n depressed mode it's unbearable...

XbrenbrenX

the way you are feeling is normal. the cravings will become less intense and less frequent over the next four weeks.

you may want to prepare yourself mentally and spiritually for PAWS though. Post acute withdrawal symptoms. this may include depression, anxiety, cravings etc. this can last for many many months.

sobriety is not solely about abstinence. It's also about getting your mind right and working on some of the compulsive thought patterns that led you to your DOC.

What has been extremely helpful to me was a detox.rehab facility, Cognitive behavioral therapy, and a re connection to spirituality.

the goal is sober AND happy. it takes time, and it ain't easy, but so far for me, SO worth it.

hope that helps

freshstart57

Animal, I agree with painter wholeheartedly. You you have made the same realization that I did the minute I knew this stuff had to stop, and was going to stop, come hell or high water.

That realization is that the urge to chase that dragon comes from the animal part of you that likes to get high. It even tries to convince to that it needs to get high, that it must get high. You know better, you understand that the animal will tell you to use, even at the cost of all that makes a life worth living. Keep getting high, and these things will all go way, and finally you will go away too.

That animal is no longer part of you, Animal. You can hear it using all the tricks it has used in the past, and it will find more in order to convince you to do what it asks. When you have that urge to use, now you know it is not you, but that familiar beast, trying to kill you sure as you are reading this. When you hear that voice, expose it in your mind as the beast. It is not you, and it is weaker than you. You can choose the right thing, over and over, for as long as it takes. You will prevail. You will do this thing, because you can.

wpainterw

Animal: Look at it this way: Each day you manage to stay off the stuff that has enslaved you chemically it's like an investment in your future happiness. Each day your investment builds up and gradually you'll find the depression lifting and sunlight beginning to filter in. Don't blow your investment on a $30 pill that lasts only a few minutes and at best makes you feel "normal". Throw all the pills away but never never throw your investment away. This investment, if you stick with it, will make all your other efforts at happiness look sick, which happens to be a good description, is it not- that is "sick". Stick with it. You'll never regret this if you stick with it. But you'd best get some help from others, doctors, counselors, others in recovery.

W.

artsoul

Wanted to welcome you to the forum, Animal....

So you've got about a week now (?)...... I hope things start improving for you soon. I found that everything got just a little better each day, just as everyone said it would.

It's worth getting through this and someday you'll look back on your day and realize your DOC hadn't entered you mind. One day at a time, you can do this!