Michelle00

I'm trying to stay sober, the hangovers I get are horrendous. My drink of choice was rum and coke. I would start with a pint, telling myself this is all I will drink. That never happens, I end up going back to the store and getting more (since I lost my drivers license 6 years ago, I spend even more money on a cab) Then I blackout, waking up the next morning trying to figure out what I did the night before. Can't eat anything the next day and the smell of a cigarette is disgusting. I try to drink water, but I just vomit it back up, then nothing in my stomach, so the dry heaves come on, and just end up vomiting the stomach bile/acid. I have made a fool of myself so many times, I was so out of control one time, my own father had to handcuff me until the police got there. I've taken a bunch of pills a couple of times and ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. The hangovers last 2-3 days. People don't want me around, because they are worried I will drink and act up. I am so ashamed, and what bothers me the most is that I feel that my family must be so ashamed and embarrassed to have me in their family. All I can do now is move forward and hopefully stay sober.

Anna

I am glad that you found us and I hope that you're ready to stop drinking and change your life.

bozboz

I am in the same boat. The only thing I can tell you, is that I had to forgive MYSELF for my actions, before I could even attempt to make things right with anyone else. That was a moment I can't even begin to put into words. I am not a horrible person, I am a horrible drunk. I joined this site yesterday, finally (after 17 years) admitting that I am an alcoholic. IT is hard...but hurting myself, and the people I love is harder. I'm starting from scratch. This is my second day sober, an achievement for me. We can do this.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me. There's a lot of support here.

wellwisher

Joining SR is a very good start in the right direction. I know all too well the feelings you describe; I've lived it. I struggled big time with seperating my actions when drunk from the actual person I am. For me, when I was behaving the way I was behaving for years on end, it became almost impossible to differentiate between the real me and the drunk me, because I was drunk most of the time.

The simple truth is that when we drink we are consuming a drug that distorts perception, inhibitions, and filters in such a way that we cannot think straight. It is also a chemical depressant.

I actually did a year in counseling bitching about everything that was wrong in my life but skirted the drinking issue, hoping that if I exorcised my "demons", I would then be able to drink moderately. That was not the case for me; I was fooling no one but myself.

Real change came when I made a commitment to put the bottle down for good.

My experience has been that after I made that commitment, the shame was cancelled out by living well in the present and from that day forward. It is possible for anyone to do that - even if it doesn't feel like it today.

I used the AA program to recover, but there are many ways to get sober. Keep posting and reading; you've found a great resource here. All my best to you. You can do this.

sugarbear1

When you are finished being sick and tired, maybe you'll stop. It just gets worse. AA has a solution when you're willing to go to any lengths to stay sober.

CarolD

Welcome...

When drinking turned me into a depressed woman Idetested...I joined my local AA..
It took me awhile to understand what was being offered....my mind was very
saturated from alcohol...but I stayed there and Yes....I quit...

BoozeFree

Welcome, you found a great site with lots of support!

Animal454

You can do this..Stick around and absorb some stories and posts.

peaceful1

Try not to put so much emphasis on what others think of you and your behavior. I know it's difficult, but it's not helpful to you at all. I love the saying "what other people think of me is none of my business". On the other hand what you think of you couldn't be more important.

You don't drink because your a bad person, and anyone under the influence of alchohol will make bad choices. If you can distance yourself from that negative commentary in the mind, and take one moment at a time you'll find peace. I think that suffering is necessary for alot of us. Then the suffering beomes too great and it brings us to the point where we must make a change...and then you realize that you don't need to suffer anymore. That's a beautiful place to be...keep trying, it's your destiny to be peaceful and free.

LSNP

...for this.

Hevyn

Michelle - I remember being in that exact same place. Drinking wasn't fun or relaxing anymore the way it once was. It brought me nothing but misery. When I found SR I was desperate to make a change in my life - I knew I was facing an early death. The people here helped me see what needed to be done. I got the courage & strength I needed to stop poisoning myself.

I hope you'll find comfort in the fact that you're among friends - people who know exactly what you're going through. We're with you on your journey to sobriety and a new life. You can stop this cycle and begin to heal. Glad you joined the family.

Terminally Unique

This certainly brings back memories. There is only so much punishment the body can take, and the hangovers will only get worse. Eventually, you'll be forcing the rum down on an empty stomach after the dry heaves. The only way out is to put the bottle down.

Dee74

Welcome Michelle and BozBoz

There's a lot of support and ideas here -a lot of hope too. Good to have both of you with us

D

CaiHong

Welcome Michelle,

Yes, it certainly is time for a change. You are going to need a lot of support. AA would be my choice. You can do it if you want it enough and the support is out there if you look for it. You can overcome this disease.

All the best
CaiHong

LittleSparrow

Welcome, Michelle. Not drinking is hard, but everything else you've described sounds harder. You're making a step in the right direction. I hope you can find the support you need. And when you start to forget why you quit drinking, come back to this first post to remind you. You don't need to keep putting yourself through the mess.

ForeverDecember

Welcome!



As you can see I joined this site in 2008. I returned this week, and am currently a couple weeks sober. I can really feel the difference though, because this is the first time I've actually gone into quitting without blaming myself and feeling ashamed of who I am. It's making a huge difference for me. In the past after two weeks I'd be crawling up the walls. Today it's 10.30pm on a Saturday night and I'm here in this community and not out at a bar. I'm proud to be me, and it's been a long time since I've felt that.