When Alcohol is All Over Your Home
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 21
When Alcohol is All Over Your Home
I've made a few posts previously about my attempts to quit drinking. I wanted to get some advice on trying to get sober while living with people that drink rather significantly.
Right now, I'm going to college and living with my parents to cut down on costs. Both my parents drink quite a bit and I'd say my mother is a borderline alcoholic; she's definitely an alcohol abuser. She'll start drinking wine at about noon most days. She'll often have a glass of wine, I assume, to curb her anxiety before things like doctors appointments, nail appointments, etc. That means she has a drink and then gets in the car to drive to these appointments. She'll also often take a drink with her in the car; oftentimes while driving my little sister places. There's many things about my mom's alcohol consumption that bother me but that's not what this post is about.
Considering their consumption, there's alcohol all over the house. Everyday when I get home from school, the wine's out, the vodka's out, and they're drinking in front of me. It sucks to deal with but I can handle that part. The hard part is that they leave the alcohol out in the kitchen after they go to bed. I've asked them multiple times to please keep it in their room when they retire for the night. They know about my struggles and I talk to my dad about it from time to time. Maybe it's due to their intoxication that they forget, but it's consistently left out despite my requests.
I'm to the point where I can easily resist going to the store to buy it for myself. However, when it's late at night, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I go down to get some tea, that's when it's hard. I see the alcohol and the crazy thoughts start. I don't want to blame this on them because it's not their fault but have any of you had to deal with this? If so, what can I do to quiet those thoughts, stick to my chamomile, and get my ass to bed without giving in. I'm just frustrated right now. Thanks for reading.
Right now, I'm going to college and living with my parents to cut down on costs. Both my parents drink quite a bit and I'd say my mother is a borderline alcoholic; she's definitely an alcohol abuser. She'll start drinking wine at about noon most days. She'll often have a glass of wine, I assume, to curb her anxiety before things like doctors appointments, nail appointments, etc. That means she has a drink and then gets in the car to drive to these appointments. She'll also often take a drink with her in the car; oftentimes while driving my little sister places. There's many things about my mom's alcohol consumption that bother me but that's not what this post is about.
Considering their consumption, there's alcohol all over the house. Everyday when I get home from school, the wine's out, the vodka's out, and they're drinking in front of me. It sucks to deal with but I can handle that part. The hard part is that they leave the alcohol out in the kitchen after they go to bed. I've asked them multiple times to please keep it in their room when they retire for the night. They know about my struggles and I talk to my dad about it from time to time. Maybe it's due to their intoxication that they forget, but it's consistently left out despite my requests.
I'm to the point where I can easily resist going to the store to buy it for myself. However, when it's late at night, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I go down to get some tea, that's when it's hard. I see the alcohol and the crazy thoughts start. I don't want to blame this on them because it's not their fault but have any of you had to deal with this? If so, what can I do to quiet those thoughts, stick to my chamomile, and get my ass to bed without giving in. I'm just frustrated right now. Thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
It sounds like you've asked your parents to respect your wishes and they won't do that.
I guess your options are to try to find another living arrangement, or to decide to not go downstairs during the night. Maybe you could bring a kettle and tea into your room?
I understand your frustration.
I guess your options are to try to find another living arrangement, or to decide to not go downstairs during the night. Maybe you could bring a kettle and tea into your room?
I understand your frustration.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Personally, I think I would consider changing my surroundings. It sounds to me you've done all the right things so far.
There are Oxford Houses in your area. Self-run Sober Living. I lived in one for about 2 years and it was one of the smartest moves I ever made. Rent is very reasonable. If you'd like to know more send me a message, I'd be happy to talk about my experience.
Here is a link to Houston Oxford Houses.
There are Oxford Houses in your area. Self-run Sober Living. I lived in one for about 2 years and it was one of the smartest moves I ever made. Rent is very reasonable. If you'd like to know more send me a message, I'd be happy to talk about my experience.
Here is a link to Houston Oxford Houses.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I totally understand the frustration. I constantly asked my hubby to move his wine glass so it wasn't on the countertop next to me when I was cooking. I wasn't craving it, but was worried that I would reach out and drink it, purely out of habit.
He constantly forgot and it made me really, really frustrated. I'd grab the glass and the bottle and put them on the dining table so they were as far away as possible. Then I'd make sure I'd have my glass of sparkling water RIGHT THERE for that reflex hand.
If you can't sleep, I'd recommend you fix up a hot flask of chamomile tea, take up a mug and keep it in your room so you can have that tea without having to venture downstairs when you are feeling vulnerable. That way it's not staring you in the face.
I feel for you, because I know how annoying it is living with other problem drinkers. It adds more to your hard work, but it does get easier the longer you are sober. I don't even really notice it any more (after six months). You CAN do this!!
He constantly forgot and it made me really, really frustrated. I'd grab the glass and the bottle and put them on the dining table so they were as far away as possible. Then I'd make sure I'd have my glass of sparkling water RIGHT THERE for that reflex hand.
If you can't sleep, I'd recommend you fix up a hot flask of chamomile tea, take up a mug and keep it in your room so you can have that tea without having to venture downstairs when you are feeling vulnerable. That way it's not staring you in the face.
I feel for you, because I know how annoying it is living with other problem drinkers. It adds more to your hard work, but it does get easier the longer you are sober. I don't even really notice it any more (after six months). You CAN do this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 21
A Sincere Thank You
I really appreciate these helpful comments.
Moving out to my own apartment is very high on my priority list. It's so important to me that I'm planning on staying out of school next semester to step up my work hours and accomplish the goal. It's very hard dealing with the feeling that they just don't care enough to put the alcohol somewhere else in the house. Maybe it's true; maybe it's not. Who knows.
I also like the suggestion of bringing the heated tea kettle up to my room for the night. I'll incorporate that this evening along with bringing up my box of Celestial Seasoning's Chamomile.
/end shameless plug for over-hyped commercial tea manufacturers
Moving out to my own apartment is very high on my priority list. It's so important to me that I'm planning on staying out of school next semester to step up my work hours and accomplish the goal. It's very hard dealing with the feeling that they just don't care enough to put the alcohol somewhere else in the house. Maybe it's true; maybe it's not. Who knows.
I also like the suggestion of bringing the heated tea kettle up to my room for the night. I'll incorporate that this evening along with bringing up my box of Celestial Seasoning's Chamomile.
/end shameless plug for over-hyped commercial tea manufacturers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 21
PaperDolls,
Thanks for the suggestion on a sober living house. I have thought about that option before. I knew that they existed but I haven't looked into it as much as I should. I'll check out that link in a bit.
As my frustrations rise, I've actually considered a lot of different options because I know now I need some outside help. I've looked into individual counseling with folks in the area, speaking to the counselors available at my university, and even joining an intensive outpatient program. Most of my options are restricted due to cost but I know the university counseling and AA are good choices since they're both free.
NewWings,
Thanks for relating to my predicament. I know that a lot of people have to deal with this in getting sober. We don't all get the ideal situation of everyone agreeing to stop drinking around us just because we have a problem.
That said, I can relate to your saying it gets easier with time. I had over two years sober from drugs and alcohol not that long ago while staying with my folks and their drinking habits. I accomplished so much in that time, including getting straight A's in college and getting accepted to my engineering program. I think that those accomplishments led to the feeling that I could resume a state of "normal" drinking, which sadly wasn't the case.
After a while, I had no trouble being around their drinking or cleaning up the glasses of wine they left laying out. When doing the dishes, I'd pour out the leftover alcohol without a second thought and look past the wine and liquor bottles everywhere. I guess in early sobriety, those mental blocks seem insurmountable but I do know from experience that I can get back to where I was with that.
Sorry for being long-winded. It's just good to know that the information to stay quit is here. I'm very appreciative for the suggestions an this site.
Thanks for the suggestion on a sober living house. I have thought about that option before. I knew that they existed but I haven't looked into it as much as I should. I'll check out that link in a bit.
As my frustrations rise, I've actually considered a lot of different options because I know now I need some outside help. I've looked into individual counseling with folks in the area, speaking to the counselors available at my university, and even joining an intensive outpatient program. Most of my options are restricted due to cost but I know the university counseling and AA are good choices since they're both free.
NewWings,
Thanks for relating to my predicament. I know that a lot of people have to deal with this in getting sober. We don't all get the ideal situation of everyone agreeing to stop drinking around us just because we have a problem.
That said, I can relate to your saying it gets easier with time. I had over two years sober from drugs and alcohol not that long ago while staying with my folks and their drinking habits. I accomplished so much in that time, including getting straight A's in college and getting accepted to my engineering program. I think that those accomplishments led to the feeling that I could resume a state of "normal" drinking, which sadly wasn't the case.
After a while, I had no trouble being around their drinking or cleaning up the glasses of wine they left laying out. When doing the dishes, I'd pour out the leftover alcohol without a second thought and look past the wine and liquor bottles everywhere. I guess in early sobriety, those mental blocks seem insurmountable but I do know from experience that I can get back to where I was with that.
Sorry for being long-winded. It's just good to know that the information to stay quit is here. I'm very appreciative for the suggestions an this site.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Boy I know what you mean. I lived with a couple of guys that drink before going into rehab and I tried to get sober for about a year and half living there but always failed. They were very kind and supportive but it was just too hard for me to get sober with booze all over the house.
The only solution I could come up with was to move out. Ironically enough, I moved into my parents house, since they don't drink.
It sounds like you have a really solid head on your shoulders, so I'm sure that you'll find the right solution, but if you're anything like me then you may have to focus on getting that apartment.
Best wishes to you in your recovery!
The only solution I could come up with was to move out. Ironically enough, I moved into my parents house, since they don't drink.
It sounds like you have a really solid head on your shoulders, so I'm sure that you'll find the right solution, but if you're anything like me then you may have to focus on getting that apartment.
Best wishes to you in your recovery!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: n.e. WI
Posts: 22
That is a tough situation you describe. You have a great amount of will power if you have been able to cope with it up to this point! The only suggestions I can think of is, if the alcohol is out be strong and put it away out of sight and then out of mind.
I've turned back to tea I use to be a fanatical tea drinker and now I am returning to that. Since you don't drink alcohol you should treat yourself to some real tea I bet you would enjoy it a lot. I have a small teapot with a lid and strainer for loose tea cost $8. I get my tea from Adagio tea there are many varieties it is fun to try different kinds. The pot holds 2-3 cups and after the tea is brewed you can use a tea cozy which is just a little blanket which goes over the pot. Keeps it hot for a long time. Lately I have been on a chamomile kick too, but it is real chamomile from egypt. Very cheap but good!
I've turned back to tea I use to be a fanatical tea drinker and now I am returning to that. Since you don't drink alcohol you should treat yourself to some real tea I bet you would enjoy it a lot. I have a small teapot with a lid and strainer for loose tea cost $8. I get my tea from Adagio tea there are many varieties it is fun to try different kinds. The pot holds 2-3 cups and after the tea is brewed you can use a tea cozy which is just a little blanket which goes over the pot. Keeps it hot for a long time. Lately I have been on a chamomile kick too, but it is real chamomile from egypt. Very cheap but good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 21
Thank you eJoshua and NorthWoods for your responses.
It does feel very challenging to be around the everyday drinking while trying to quit. The important part of my progress is two-fold: First, I know that I do have a problem with drinking and second, I know that I need some outside help. I've known I've had a problem for a while now but I've just recently acknowledged that I need some help.
eJoshua,
Yes, I think it just makes the struggle that much harder when being around the drinking. I can't imagine your struggle while living with peers. That peer pressure thing is very real and is very difficult to deal with in early sobriety. Right after high school, my buddies and I who lived together fueled each other's fire with the pot smoking and drinking. That was a bad situation. This one isn't nearly as bad but it's not good either.
It does feel like my parents want to help but they struggle a bit with their own consumption. I can't fault them for that. I will be moving out as soon as possible but that leap would seem much less daunting if I had some sober time under my belt. Moving out and taking on the responsibility of paying bills would be suicide with my alcohol abuse in full swing.
NorthWoods,
I'm also a big tea fan. I've never ordered any of the good stuff online but that would be a nice, healthy option to replace alcohol and my nightly drinking habit. I have tried a few loose teas and that seems to be a little more traditional. Plus, the preparation is kind of fun. I'll look into getting some of the things you mention. I like to start the day with some good English Breakfast, have a midday cup of green, and settle in to bed with some Chamomile. Yum!
Thank you all for your help and kindness. We can all knock this vice out of our lives. Hoping the best for all of you.
It does feel very challenging to be around the everyday drinking while trying to quit. The important part of my progress is two-fold: First, I know that I do have a problem with drinking and second, I know that I need some outside help. I've known I've had a problem for a while now but I've just recently acknowledged that I need some help.
eJoshua,
Yes, I think it just makes the struggle that much harder when being around the drinking. I can't imagine your struggle while living with peers. That peer pressure thing is very real and is very difficult to deal with in early sobriety. Right after high school, my buddies and I who lived together fueled each other's fire with the pot smoking and drinking. That was a bad situation. This one isn't nearly as bad but it's not good either.
It does feel like my parents want to help but they struggle a bit with their own consumption. I can't fault them for that. I will be moving out as soon as possible but that leap would seem much less daunting if I had some sober time under my belt. Moving out and taking on the responsibility of paying bills would be suicide with my alcohol abuse in full swing.
NorthWoods,
I'm also a big tea fan. I've never ordered any of the good stuff online but that would be a nice, healthy option to replace alcohol and my nightly drinking habit. I have tried a few loose teas and that seems to be a little more traditional. Plus, the preparation is kind of fun. I'll look into getting some of the things you mention. I like to start the day with some good English Breakfast, have a midday cup of green, and settle in to bed with some Chamomile. Yum!
Thank you all for your help and kindness. We can all knock this vice out of our lives. Hoping the best for all of you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: St. Peters MO
Posts: 21
I understand everything you are saying. I have 70 days sober, my wife still drinks wine every evening in front of me, I do not say anything to her but it does cause me to have those "crazy thoughts". There have been fleeting moments as well when I am alone to take a sip. 1) I do not want to throw all away that I have accomplished, I think of that. 2) I read something about recovery to remind me of my sickness. 3) I go to websites like this and get involved and try to maybe help someone else. 4) I try to stay very busy. 5) I remember how miserable that I was just 70 days ago, I drink and I will for sure know that misery again. Hope this helps. Keep-on-keepin-on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 21
Roscoe100,
Thank you so much for that. That post is short, sweet, and full of wisdom. I think your plan is a great idea and I'm going to mirror that. Each point you make is perfect: remembering you have a problem, reminding yourself of the misery, staying busy, and helping someone else struggling are all wonderful mental tools. I sincerely appreciate your post. You guys are helping me fill up my toolbox. Best wishes to all.
P.S. Congrats Roscoe on your 70 days sober! That's a great accomplishment and I wish you strength in continuing. It's all mental at this point. Good luck on your journey. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Thank you so much for that. That post is short, sweet, and full of wisdom. I think your plan is a great idea and I'm going to mirror that. Each point you make is perfect: remembering you have a problem, reminding yourself of the misery, staying busy, and helping someone else struggling are all wonderful mental tools. I sincerely appreciate your post. You guys are helping me fill up my toolbox. Best wishes to all.
P.S. Congrats Roscoe on your 70 days sober! That's a great accomplishment and I wish you strength in continuing. It's all mental at this point. Good luck on your journey. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Last edited by ForLove; 10-10-2011 at 03:05 PM. Reason: congratulating roscoe
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey ForLove ----
This is (or may be) one of the reasons for working AA's Program in a speedy fashion. AA promises that if one works it's program, he/she should have what they call a 'spiritual awakening' or a 'psychic change' as the result of working through his/her 9th Step (or at least mostly through), and getting into the maintenance steps.
This spiritual awakening/experience...psychic change results in................:
"...And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If
tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality--safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition..." (BB 1st ed pg 97)
At least that's what AA's Big Book says. In no way am I saying you should go to AA, but your chances improve with support from a 'real life' support team, and some type of program that will get you to the point where alcohol will no longer be an issue. Sometimes life hits us 'right-between-the-eyes' and we have no control (especially of others actions), but we do have control of our actions.
Unfortunately, at the present, you're in not-so-good living space, but it does have it's positives. I spent most of my first 2 1/2 months away from my home group, AA center, sponsor, support group.....and was some 1600 miles from home, back living with my mother (a drinker); she'd been in an accident [not due to her drinking (surprise, surprise), being hit by a car with an un-insured driver (of course); actually being thrown through the air some 60 feet (quite a trip). She was getting out of the hospital and needed me there to help with household chores and financial/bill paying paperwork]. Lemme tellya; her home was a veritable liquor store/bar, and I was the bartender and the manager who kept the shelves stocked. .........and of course we had all the typical mother/daughter stuff too.....
It appears that you're in a similar situation. Obviously, this is their house, therefore their rules apply. You CAN make it through this. Honest, one's sobriety is NOT dependant on anybody else or the surrounding situations and circumstances; it's all up to us......AND it CAN be done.....
So.............here's to lots and lots of positive energy coming atcha...........
(o:
NoelleR
This is (or may be) one of the reasons for working AA's Program in a speedy fashion. AA promises that if one works it's program, he/she should have what they call a 'spiritual awakening' or a 'psychic change' as the result of working through his/her 9th Step (or at least mostly through), and getting into the maintenance steps.
This spiritual awakening/experience...psychic change results in................:
"...And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If
tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality--safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition..." (BB 1st ed pg 97)
At least that's what AA's Big Book says. In no way am I saying you should go to AA, but your chances improve with support from a 'real life' support team, and some type of program that will get you to the point where alcohol will no longer be an issue. Sometimes life hits us 'right-between-the-eyes' and we have no control (especially of others actions), but we do have control of our actions.
Unfortunately, at the present, you're in not-so-good living space, but it does have it's positives. I spent most of my first 2 1/2 months away from my home group, AA center, sponsor, support group.....and was some 1600 miles from home, back living with my mother (a drinker); she'd been in an accident [not due to her drinking (surprise, surprise), being hit by a car with an un-insured driver (of course); actually being thrown through the air some 60 feet (quite a trip). She was getting out of the hospital and needed me there to help with household chores and financial/bill paying paperwork]. Lemme tellya; her home was a veritable liquor store/bar, and I was the bartender and the manager who kept the shelves stocked. .........and of course we had all the typical mother/daughter stuff too.....
It appears that you're in a similar situation. Obviously, this is their house, therefore their rules apply. You CAN make it through this. Honest, one's sobriety is NOT dependant on anybody else or the surrounding situations and circumstances; it's all up to us......AND it CAN be done.....
So.............here's to lots and lots of positive energy coming atcha...........
(o:
NoelleR
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