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alcoholic/addict...trying again

Old 10-05-2011, 06:59 PM
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alcoholic/addict...trying again

I am on my second serious attempt to stop drinking after two years of drinking 100 proof vodka every night. I am also on suboxone and have been abusing stimulants over the past year.

I lost my mother six months ago, due to drug abuse. (They were prescribed but to an addict that is just a death sentence, she was also an alcoholic and substituted the drink with drugs) I am tired of waking up and not remembering what I did the night before. I work fulltime, and when I am honest with myself, I know that I have let my life go to crap!

I want to get to meetings, I used to go years ago, but instead of "Taking what I need and leave the rest", I found myself being critical of people and not really feeling like I belonged because I was recovering from a pill addiction at that time, and these were alcoholics! (LOL, at the time it made sense)...never mind the fact that I had a history of binge drinking and black outs! I guess I had to make sure I qualify for AA, because I ended up taking up the drinking! How sick is that?

I am just looking for support. I am alone, my fiance' is only home 1 to 2 days a week, both my kids have recently moved out and are on their own. I have no interests any longer. I have no more vodka (I have refused to buy any for 2 days now) and I took my last adderall. I have all my literature from rehab and when I was into the recovery thing. I am looking forward to this journey but at the same time I am very scared. I have severe fatigue, headache and just went to Dr. today because of a kidney infection. (She has no idea that I have been drinking/drugging, she thinks I am sober).

Thanks for any suggestions or insights. Sorry for such a long post. I hope to find some people who have been there and done that and are enjoying life now.
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:12 PM
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Welcome! I hope you became honest with doc so you can be treated properly. It's difficult, but you're worth it!
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:14 PM
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Welcome dawn...... I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. You can break the cycle, though. You're taking the first step just making the decision to get clean/sober.

Lots of support here and people who know what you're going through. Hang in there and if things get rough, maybe an honest talk with your doctor can help.
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:14 PM
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you are right, I know I have to be COMPLETELY HONEST in order for this to work. I am planning on telling her at my next appt. I had labwork done in nov. and liver enzymes off the chart. I was supposed to have rechecked, but have not done so yet.
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:21 PM
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Welcome

Its not how you begin its how you finish that matters..
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:36 PM
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Hi,I've been an alcoholic for 23yrs and a drug addict for about 8 yrs.I can relate to what you posted because 20 days ago my only interests were alcohol and adderall.I hardly ate;hardly slept and my life consisted of only beer and damn adderall.I felt like I was in hell and I couldn't get out.

With alot of encouragement from the great people on this site I told my dr everything.I was really scared to tell her but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be;it was a huge relief.I also went to a rehab and it is amazing how good I feel mentally and physically.
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Old 10-05-2011, 08:43 PM
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Welcome Dawn

I'm glad you see it's in your best interests to be honest with your Dr
I hope you'll follow through next time

D
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Old 10-05-2011, 08:48 PM
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Actually, I probably won't be able to tell her d/t the relationship I have with her. I am in the same profession and she has threatened to report me if I have a relapse. I have wanted to tell her for the past 2 years but am too afraid. I don't know if she would follow through, but I am not able to take that risk. I really need to find a new Dr., one I can be honest with. I know if the lying continues, I will never be clean.
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Old 10-05-2011, 08:59 PM
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I think it sounds like it would be best to find a new Dr.
Whatever you decide to do though - do something

You can't change your life without making changes - please do keep the momentum going, Dawn - take some action

D
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:09 PM
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Dawn,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I only have 11 days sober and am also still suffering from horrible fatigue and heaches. However, even those symptoms are better than the physical, mental and spiritual agony of a hangover. One day at a time has worked for me. Reading the posts has helped me. Having faith that it will get better has helped me. Realizing what lays down the road for me (further progression and further hell) has helped me. Certainly, reaching out has helped me. Having a sense of pride in trying each day has helped me. Support is here
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