Pandie

Hello, I'm Pandie. I am addicted to lortab. I've been on it for over 10yrs for various ailments. My doctor prescribes it for me, 30 tabs a month. I have a history of blood clots and have been on anticoagulant therapy for almost 20yrs and due to that am unable to take any NSAIDS such as Ibuprofen. Anytime I need something stronger than tylenol, I take lortab. Problem is, I don't think I can distinguish between real, physical pain and emotional pain. I had surgery 6 weeks ago and was on Percocet for a couple of weeks, then back down to lortab. I've never obtained the meds in any other way besides from my doctor, but they write for 30 which is supposed to last me one month, and they usually do not last one WEEK. I will normally binge and take about 10/day until they are gone then wait for a month to get them again. For a while, my doctor was writing for more and I took more. I know if they wrote for 20/day, I'd take 20/day and I know this can't be "normal". I've been without them for four days but I'm counting down the days until I can get them filled again. I am so sick of this but feel like I cannot stop. I feel like if I don't get the pills once a month, I have nothing to look forward to. I'm tired of waking up crying over this and just need someone to talk to. I see a therapist and they know about the lortab use/abuse. I've looked in to treatment, but my insurance does not cover rehab. I called a hospital in my city that has a detox unit and they said I'm not sick enough to be in there. I've tried NA meetings, but never felt like I fit in. I do go to some AA and OA meetings and am familiar with the 12 steps but have never actually WORKED the steps. Just feeling miserable and tired.

Impurrfect

(((Pandie))) - welcome to SR!! I totally understand about the anticoagulation issue. My mom was on them my whole life and couldn't take anything but Tylenol, though she never had many pain issues.

I was abusing opiates, got clean and then got hooked on crack. I found AA meetings fit more for me, though I just used "pick up" instead of taking pills. There were a lot of people in the group who were either addicts and alcoholics, as well as just addicts.

It sounds, to me, like you are using the pills to numb yourself..been there, done that. I'm glad you have a therapist, but is it helping you? Sometimes, people need to change therapists.

I can tell you SR has been a huge part of my recovery. When I first got here, I read a lot of threads and realized I wasn't alone. You may also want to check out the substance abuse forum and the one for pain management.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tracy210T

Pandy, im new here too and though im struggling with an alcohol addiction and not pills, I feel your pain. I have no advice but lots of hugs I hope that you find the solution and peace you need.

lookinforward

Welcome Pandie! Your title grabbed my attention. That is exactly the way that I felt the day that I found SR or it found me. I had attempted to quit alcohol multiple times with no success. This place has been the missing piece of the puzzle for me. Share your thoughts, feelings and listen to the advice given. No matter the addiction, we are all in search of the common goal of Sobriety. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
Welcome Tracy! Keep up the good work. It is well worth the effort.
Peace Love and Happiness
Dave

artsoul

Hi Pandie - I'm glad you're here. I think we can all relate to being unable to stop using/drinking. I broke promises to myself all the time.

Here's the link to our section on substance abuse if you haven't found it already.......Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Keep reading/posting - none of us can do this alone.....

sugarbear1

I feel your pain. Can you taper down? If the detox says you aren't ill enough, slow down your usage by a few a day, maintain for a few days, lower your dosage repeat. Tapers are slow so your body doesn't go into shock (which is why cold turkey is dangerous for any substance) and discuss with your doctor.

Get back to those 12 step meetings and listen hard! Find a sponsor. Don't attempt to go past step 3 until you are totally sober/drug free. You can stay stopped, but there's no magic way until you stay stopped. Then WORK those steps with a sponsor. Prayers to you!

sugarbear1

Not medical advice. See doctor first.

Body shock shows in many changes- neurons create seizures, blood pressure creates heart attacks, all kinds of problems. Talk to doctor about Appropriate Tapering.

Keep coming back!

Pandie

Thanks for all of the advice and encouragement. I go to see my therapist today, and I definitely believe she is helping me. I was so sick of her talking about the lortab issues that a couple of weeks ago, I emailed her and told her I wanted to take a break but later wised up realizing I still need to work with her. I know that the pills are just a symptom of the underlying issues. I used to binge and purge and ended up weighing over 300#. I had gastric bypass surgery and have lost 116# in the past year. It's funny how I used to think all would be ok if only I was thinner, but here I am, now under 200# and ALL of the same issues are there. Because I am limited in what I can eat, and basically have very little desire to eat at all, I've turned to other things. I was using lortab b/f the surgery, but it's definitely gotten more out of control since the surgery.

Another really bad habit I picked up after surgery was chewing the pills up. For 6 wks after the surgery, I had to crush ALL of my meds, and by doing that, I realized that chewing them up got them into my system quicker. I'm doing better on making myself swallow them whole now, but it's a slow process. I've also noticed other behaviors such as shopping becoming more compulsive.

Today makes day 5 of no lortab and I'm happy about that, but still find myself obsessing about when I can get the pills again and how I will handle that.

I've talked to my doctor about it and believe he knows I have a problem. He actually writes on the prescription that the 30 pills MUST last one month. Now that I've lost the weight, I do not need it as much as I did when I was 300#. I wish I could just tell him to not give me anymore, but I'm afraid that he will put a note in my chart and if I ever need something stronger than tylenol, he and other docs will think I'm just med-seeking.

I wish I could "fix it" on my own, I think that's my problem.

Thanks again everyone!!

Pandie

Good morning all. I went to see my therapist today and we had a good session. I told her about something I was doing in place of the lortab and she told me I needed to get rid of those pills as well. I was taking Lomotil, which is prescribed to me for diarrhea. It is an opiate, a baby opiate, but an opiate just the same. I came home and flushed the rest of the bottle before my "stinkin thinkin" could talk me out of it.

Still undecided about if I will get the lortab again when I'm able to, but at least I believe I've made a good decision about today. That's all we really have anyway, right?

doggonecarl

And do what, Pandie? Take them as prescribed? Is that possible? If you are addicted to lortab (and those are your words, not mine) what makes you think you won't continue to abuse them. I would caution you about heeding any advice you give yourself about lortab...because its your addictive voice doing everything in its power to ensure you continue to feed the beast.

Good luck, I know what you are going through is not easy.

Pandie

Thanks doggonecarl, I hear you. I asked my therapist today if she thought I could take the lortab as prescribed and not abuse it, and she said she didn't know anymore... she said before that she would have thought that was a good plan to work on, but now, she didn't know. It's this damn fear that keeps me stuck. Fear that if I tell my doctor to stop writing for it and something happens to where I need lortab for real pain, they will think I'm lying or med-seeking. My therapist always says, "Discipline yourself or others will do it for you"... I don't want to get to that point.

I can't get the meds again til October, so for now I'll keep coming in here and going to meetings and take it one day at a time. If I HAD to make a decision today, I would have the doctor call them in and just leave them at the pharmacy until I need them, and only then pick up just a few at a time.

I've also started keeping a journal of my pain, physical pain. This way, I hope to see how often (or rarely) I need something stronger than tylenol for my pain.

Thanks everyone here @ SR!! I'm open to all suggestions, so keep 'em coming.

Pandie

Hey everyone. Yesterday, I slipped and drank a couple of glasses of wine. Got really drunk, almost passed out, but it passed quickly. I poured the rest of the bottle down the drain and today I start back at Day 1. I'm here b/c of opiate abuse, but it's funny how "an addict will find something, anything to escape their feelings"... .

Just needing encouragement. Thanks everyone, hope yall are having a great week so far!

EmeraldRose

Welcome Pandie!

doggonecarl

Good of you to recognize that. After ten years of "illegal" drug use. I quit. But it took 25 more years of drinking before I realized that I was using alcohol same reasons I used pot, coke, meth, or tranquizers...

...Addiction

Dee74

That was a valuable lesson for me too Pandie - I'm really glad you're back with us though

D

Pandie

Thanks yall. I was talking to a friend who is in a 12-step program (OA) today and telling her if I don't get lortab again in October, I feel like I don't have ANYTHING to look forward to ... she assured me that once I decide to quit using the pills, I will be able to see lots of things to look forward to. I don't believe it, but I'm trying to!