How to get through my first party?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Well if you're determined to go then my suggestion would be to make sure you have a tonic water w/lime or something that looks like a drink in hand at all times.
Most people probably won't even notice you're having a non-alcoholic drink. And don't worry about other people so much. In my experience very few of them care whether you're drinking or not.
And if someone asks just have an excuse at the ready. I wouldn't pretend I'm drinking alcohol but you could say you're not drinking for health-related reasons. Anyone with any manners will stop asking right there. The one I always use is great for me because it's true: I've stopped drinking to see what would happen.
Most people probably won't even notice you're having a non-alcoholic drink. And don't worry about other people so much. In my experience very few of them care whether you're drinking or not.
And if someone asks just have an excuse at the ready. I wouldn't pretend I'm drinking alcohol but you could say you're not drinking for health-related reasons. Anyone with any manners will stop asking right there. The one I always use is great for me because it's true: I've stopped drinking to see what would happen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
My two cents: if you absolutely have to go for business reasons, then so be it. But since you also mentioned wanting to go to meet new people, you're single, etc....
I'll just say that I had a lot of Day 1s until I finally made sobriety my No. 1 priority.
Even if this is all about business, what would you do if you came down with the flu? Would it be such a big deal if you stayed home sick?
Of course, we're not dealing with the flu. We're dealing with something far more serious....
I'll just say that I had a lot of Day 1s until I finally made sobriety my No. 1 priority.
Even if this is all about business, what would you do if you came down with the flu? Would it be such a big deal if you stayed home sick?
Of course, we're not dealing with the flu. We're dealing with something far more serious....
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Healthyfood, Sounds as if you have already made your mind up. Why bother getting advice? I love to listen to music but will not go anywhere that has a bar. I relapsed after 60 days last time. All it took was one beer and I hate beer. Drank for one month and had the worst withdraws I have ever had. I would rather be alone right now then risk my sobriety. Your choice. Good luck
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
You can not escape living life without exposure to drinking. You must make the urge to live sober much stronger than the urge to get loaded. Even if you skip this event, there will be another one to follow sooner or later. I for one refuse to stay away from drinking and drinkers. I just KNOW that alcohol is not for me. It was not always that way, but I value sober living and consider sobriety a "way of life".
Work on your resolve. Work on your determination. Work whatever program you have decided to follow. This event will come to pass, try to see beyond it and focus your mind on a sober future.
Work on your resolve. Work on your determination. Work whatever program you have decided to follow. This event will come to pass, try to see beyond it and focus your mind on a sober future.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by tomdecel 
Life is life, drinking is drinking. You can not escape living life without exposure to drinking. You must make the urge to live sober much stronger than the urge to get loaded. Even if you skip this event, there will be another one to follow sooner or later.
I for one refuse to stay away from drinking and drinkers. I just KNOW that alcohol is not for me. It was not always that way, but I value sober living and consider sobriety a "way of life". Work on your resolve. Work on your determination. Work whatever program you have decided to follow and try to see beyond this event and focus on a sober future.
I for one refuse to stay away from drinking and drinkers. I just KNOW that alcohol is not for me. It was not always that way, but I value sober living and consider sobriety a "way of life". Work on your resolve. Work on your determination. Work whatever program you have decided to follow and try to see beyond this event and focus on a sober future.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
I see these kinds of threads pop up from time to time here, and being completely honest they never cease to amaze me. Pretty sure that most folks newly sober that end up on this board have come from a sickly, horrid place where drinking had complete control and their lives were forfeit - fraught with all sorts of agony and suffering. Here's why I mention that:
So soon after getting VERY little sober time these same folks who have just crawled from the gutters now want advice on how to go straight back and wade through them again without getting muddy in the process. Here's a tricky idea that works every time... stay the hell out of gutters. It's funny how a person gets far less trash on them once they stop dumpster diving. Just sayin'.
HF, what I mean is this; taking a drinking problem/alcoholism seriously is extremely important to have any chance at beating it. If that means temporary "sacrifices" - aka not attending functions where alcohol + triggers are present - well, really mate, I gotta ask what's the hard part about that math? Seems like 2 + 2 to me. This kind of lifestyle adjustment is a requirement for becoming sober and beating this dis-ease, at least in the beginning, at least for so many of us. When you have a program you know works, qualified by some sober time under your belt, then by all means fill your boots. When you are comfortable and reasonably safe from relapse, attending any function is not much of a big deal at all. But this soon? With a history of relapsing? Sorry. In your shoes brother I wouldn't go unless someone was holding me at gunpoint. Yet here you are saying you want to go. Boggles the mind.
Also HF, no offense meant here, but that "it's for business" line is a load of bullocks, and one many an alcoholic has used to set up a nice and tidy relapse scenario. You're effectively bu!!s******g yourself as much as us with that one. I've played that setup to death myself over the years. See, my business is the music business, where changing a frikin guitar string is call for a shot of whiskey, and where an above average drum solo is reason enough for an important "Industry Insiders Party". Yet somehow when I first got sober I managed to stay away from any and all alcohol related events. Go figure, I haven't lost any new business because I wasn't sitting with, or getting $h!tfaced drunk with colleagues and acting like a knucklehead. The opposite was true, the business I lost was solely due to my alcoholism. Funny about how my phone rings now and I get as much - if not more job offers even though I seem to be missing all those "Insider Industry Required Attendance Events".
I dunno bro, IMO when one becomes willing to go to any lengths for health and sobriety, just entertaining the thought of a party/celebration so soon after getting clean makes no sense to me, let alone adding alcohol to the celebration in question. I really get dumbfounded that it's even an option on the table for you. Actually scratch dumbfounded, this line of thinking would make perfect sense to me if I was still active in my alcoholism.
HF, you can dance along the edge of this cliff all you want, but as you can see by the responses, don't expect us not to scream "Yo man, the fall can kill you!!". The bottom line is that this whole sober thing is on you, not us. But as you've mentioned before, you can't even string more than a few sober days together. But even now, on your latest sobriety attempt, you're mulling over an upcoming booze soaked party? If that's the case I only say good luck with that, because being honest, it just doesn't seem like getting sober is high on your priority list. Please don't get that statement wrong, it's not a judgment, just an observation meant to hopefully cause you some deeper, more critical thought into what is important to you, and what brought you to NEED sobriety in the first place. Like I said, in the end it's on you.
I'll shut up now and sit quietly, pulling for you to do what you know is best.
So soon after getting VERY little sober time these same folks who have just crawled from the gutters now want advice on how to go straight back and wade through them again without getting muddy in the process. Here's a tricky idea that works every time... stay the hell out of gutters. It's funny how a person gets far less trash on them once they stop dumpster diving. Just sayin'.
HF, what I mean is this; taking a drinking problem/alcoholism seriously is extremely important to have any chance at beating it. If that means temporary "sacrifices" - aka not attending functions where alcohol + triggers are present - well, really mate, I gotta ask what's the hard part about that math? Seems like 2 + 2 to me. This kind of lifestyle adjustment is a requirement for becoming sober and beating this dis-ease, at least in the beginning, at least for so many of us. When you have a program you know works, qualified by some sober time under your belt, then by all means fill your boots. When you are comfortable and reasonably safe from relapse, attending any function is not much of a big deal at all. But this soon? With a history of relapsing? Sorry. In your shoes brother I wouldn't go unless someone was holding me at gunpoint. Yet here you are saying you want to go. Boggles the mind.
Also HF, no offense meant here, but that "it's for business" line is a load of bullocks, and one many an alcoholic has used to set up a nice and tidy relapse scenario. You're effectively bu!!s******g yourself as much as us with that one. I've played that setup to death myself over the years. See, my business is the music business, where changing a frikin guitar string is call for a shot of whiskey, and where an above average drum solo is reason enough for an important "Industry Insiders Party". Yet somehow when I first got sober I managed to stay away from any and all alcohol related events. Go figure, I haven't lost any new business because I wasn't sitting with, or getting $h!tfaced drunk with colleagues and acting like a knucklehead. The opposite was true, the business I lost was solely due to my alcoholism. Funny about how my phone rings now and I get as much - if not more job offers even though I seem to be missing all those "Insider Industry Required Attendance Events".
I dunno bro, IMO when one becomes willing to go to any lengths for health and sobriety, just entertaining the thought of a party/celebration so soon after getting clean makes no sense to me, let alone adding alcohol to the celebration in question. I really get dumbfounded that it's even an option on the table for you. Actually scratch dumbfounded, this line of thinking would make perfect sense to me if I was still active in my alcoholism.
HF, you can dance along the edge of this cliff all you want, but as you can see by the responses, don't expect us not to scream "Yo man, the fall can kill you!!". The bottom line is that this whole sober thing is on you, not us. But as you've mentioned before, you can't even string more than a few sober days together. But even now, on your latest sobriety attempt, you're mulling over an upcoming booze soaked party? If that's the case I only say good luck with that, because being honest, it just doesn't seem like getting sober is high on your priority list. Please don't get that statement wrong, it's not a judgment, just an observation meant to hopefully cause you some deeper, more critical thought into what is important to you, and what brought you to NEED sobriety in the first place. Like I said, in the end it's on you.
I'll shut up now and sit quietly, pulling for you to do what you know is best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
I want to say something and hope you take it as intended. It sounds to me that you are making an excuse, perhaps to even drink. you first said you had to go to meet people. After sticking with that for a bit you added the business related reason. It seems as if that was added to justify going. In your original post, you say the people drink like crazy, then you changed it to some don't drink very much. These all sound like excuses to go, and with 18 days, most likely to drink.
When you first posted about making today your sobriety date, you were not sure if it was forever or until the next party. I think you have made that decision.
When you first posted about making today your sobriety date, you were not sure if it was forever or until the next party. I think you have made that decision.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
No offense to anyone...but I relapsed many a time on what I call the 'sobriety - bring it!!!!' method....
The last time I entered recovery, I took myself completely out of my former life - I worked hard on myself...I went back out into the world when I was ready to face it.
I was a vastly different person with vastly different attitudes with 90+ days than I was on day one.
I consider those months I took off a great investment - and part of the reason why I'm still sober today.
Alcohol is everywhere, sure...which is precisely why I needed to take the time to learn how to handle being around it...putting myself in old situations, with old friends, no life boats and only a dim idea of recovery was a recipe for disaster for me.
best of luck HF, but going to the party is not a choice I'd make.
D
The last time I entered recovery, I took myself completely out of my former life - I worked hard on myself...I went back out into the world when I was ready to face it.
I was a vastly different person with vastly different attitudes with 90+ days than I was on day one.
I consider those months I took off a great investment - and part of the reason why I'm still sober today.
Alcohol is everywhere, sure...which is precisely why I needed to take the time to learn how to handle being around it...putting myself in old situations, with old friends, no life boats and only a dim idea of recovery was a recipe for disaster for me.
best of luck HF, but going to the party is not a choice I'd make.
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by binderdonedat
I see these kinds of threads pop up from time to time here, and being completely honest they never cease to amaze me. Pretty sure that most folks newly sober that end up on this board have come from a sickly, horrid place where drinking had complete control and their lives were forfeit - fraught with all sorts of agony and suffering. Here's why I mention that:
So soon after getting VERY little sober time these same folks who have just crawled from the gutters now want advice on how to go straight back and wade through them again without getting muddy in the process. Here's a tricky idea that works every time... stay the hell out of gutters. It's funny how a person gets far less trash on them once they stop dumpster diving. Just sayin'.
HF, what I mean is this; taking a drinking problem/alcoholism seriously is extremely important to have any chance at beating it. If that means temporary "sacrifices" - aka not attending functions where alcohol + triggers are present - well, really mate, I gotta ask what's the hard part about that math? Seems like 2 + 2 to me. This kind of lifestyle adjustment is a requirement for becoming sober and beating this dis-ease, at least in the beginning, at least for so many of us. When you have a program you know works, qualified by some sober time under your belt, then by all means fill your boots. When you are comfortable and reasonably safe from relapse, attending any function is not much of a big deal at all. But this soon? With a history of relapsing? Sorry. In your shoes brother I wouldn't go unless someone was holding me at gunpoint. Yet here you are saying you want to go. Boggles the mind.
Also HF, no offense meant here, but that "it's for business" line is a load of bullocks, and one many an alcoholic has used to set up a nice and tidy relapse scenario. You're effectively bu!!s******g yourself as much as us with that one. I've played that setup to death myself over the years. See, my business is the music business, where changing a frikin guitar string is call for a shot of whiskey, and where an above average drum solo is reason enough for an important "Industry Insiders Party". Yet somehow when I first got sober I managed to stay away from any and all alcohol related events. Go figure, I haven't lost any new business because I wasn't sitting with, or getting $h!tfaced drunk with colleagues and acting like a knucklehead. The opposite was true, the business I lost was solely due to my alcoholism. Funny about how my phone rings now and I get as much - if not more job offers even though I seem to be missing all those "Insider Industry Required Attendance Events".
I dunno bro, IMO when one becomes willing to go to any lengths for health and sobriety, just entertaining the thought of a party/celebration so soon after getting clean makes no sense to me, let alone adding alcohol to the celebration in question. I really get dumbfounded that it's even an option on the table for you. Actually scratch dumbfounded, this line of thinking would make perfect sense to me if I was still active in my alcoholism.
HF, you can dance along the edge of this cliff all you want, but as you can see by the responses, don't expect us not to scream "Yo man, the fall can kill you!!". The bottom line is that this whole sober thing is on you, not us. But as you've mentioned before, you can't even string more than a few sober days together. But even now, on your latest sobriety attempt, you're mulling over an upcoming booze soaked party? If that's the case I only say good luck with that, because being honest, it just doesn't seem like getting sober is high on your priority list. Please don't get that statement wrong, it's not a judgment, just an observation meant to hopefully cause you some deeper, more critical thought into what is important to you, and what brought you to NEED sobriety in the first place. Like I said, in the end it's on you.
I'll shut up now and sit quietly, pulling for you to do what you know is best.
So soon after getting VERY little sober time these same folks who have just crawled from the gutters now want advice on how to go straight back and wade through them again without getting muddy in the process. Here's a tricky idea that works every time... stay the hell out of gutters. It's funny how a person gets far less trash on them once they stop dumpster diving. Just sayin'.
HF, what I mean is this; taking a drinking problem/alcoholism seriously is extremely important to have any chance at beating it. If that means temporary "sacrifices" - aka not attending functions where alcohol + triggers are present - well, really mate, I gotta ask what's the hard part about that math? Seems like 2 + 2 to me. This kind of lifestyle adjustment is a requirement for becoming sober and beating this dis-ease, at least in the beginning, at least for so many of us. When you have a program you know works, qualified by some sober time under your belt, then by all means fill your boots. When you are comfortable and reasonably safe from relapse, attending any function is not much of a big deal at all. But this soon? With a history of relapsing? Sorry. In your shoes brother I wouldn't go unless someone was holding me at gunpoint. Yet here you are saying you want to go. Boggles the mind.
Also HF, no offense meant here, but that "it's for business" line is a load of bullocks, and one many an alcoholic has used to set up a nice and tidy relapse scenario. You're effectively bu!!s******g yourself as much as us with that one. I've played that setup to death myself over the years. See, my business is the music business, where changing a frikin guitar string is call for a shot of whiskey, and where an above average drum solo is reason enough for an important "Industry Insiders Party". Yet somehow when I first got sober I managed to stay away from any and all alcohol related events. Go figure, I haven't lost any new business because I wasn't sitting with, or getting $h!tfaced drunk with colleagues and acting like a knucklehead. The opposite was true, the business I lost was solely due to my alcoholism. Funny about how my phone rings now and I get as much - if not more job offers even though I seem to be missing all those "Insider Industry Required Attendance Events".
I dunno bro, IMO when one becomes willing to go to any lengths for health and sobriety, just entertaining the thought of a party/celebration so soon after getting clean makes no sense to me, let alone adding alcohol to the celebration in question. I really get dumbfounded that it's even an option on the table for you. Actually scratch dumbfounded, this line of thinking would make perfect sense to me if I was still active in my alcoholism.
HF, you can dance along the edge of this cliff all you want, but as you can see by the responses, don't expect us not to scream "Yo man, the fall can kill you!!". The bottom line is that this whole sober thing is on you, not us. But as you've mentioned before, you can't even string more than a few sober days together. But even now, on your latest sobriety attempt, you're mulling over an upcoming booze soaked party? If that's the case I only say good luck with that, because being honest, it just doesn't seem like getting sober is high on your priority list. Please don't get that statement wrong, it's not a judgment, just an observation meant to hopefully cause you some deeper, more critical thought into what is important to you, and what brought you to NEED sobriety in the first place. Like I said, in the end it's on you.
I'll shut up now and sit quietly, pulling for you to do what you know is best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
binderdonedat makes a very valid point...when I first read your posts this morning you were saying that it was your FIRSTDAY sober...and that you had a HANGOVER?????
so from this hangover to thinking about a drinking cocktail party with all your props and obsession?...it just doesn't sound like you are serious about stopping, it sounds like the side-step 2-faced step.
to quote others..."just sayin'"....you are planning your next day of drinking and counting the days to do it.
and if that's what it is, you should say so....because I think that if you can actually get 18 sober days you might change your mind about so-called "business function"
so from this hangover to thinking about a drinking cocktail party with all your props and obsession?...it just doesn't sound like you are serious about stopping, it sounds like the side-step 2-faced step.
to quote others..."just sayin'"....you are planning your next day of drinking and counting the days to do it.
and if that's what it is, you should say so....because I think that if you can actually get 18 sober days you might change your mind about so-called "business function"
Beating this demon for GOOD
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 143
Ditto what everyone else said, I am only on day 13 and there is NO WAY I want to be at functions or anywhere near alcohol right now. Maybe eventually with some solid sobriety/time but certainly not now. Truth be told I have stopped watching football, which I love, but every other commercial is a beer commercial, and I can't even handle that right now.
I definitely would forego this altogether and instead make plans to get out with a friend or family member for a sober fun activity, going to a movie, a good workout, shopping, hitting a shop for a coffee and a pastry anything that does NOT involve drinking.
Blessings and best of luck, I hope you choose NOT to go, it's very shaky ground this early on.
I definitely would forego this altogether and instead make plans to get out with a friend or family member for a sober fun activity, going to a movie, a good workout, shopping, hitting a shop for a coffee and a pastry anything that does NOT involve drinking.
Blessings and best of luck, I hope you choose NOT to go, it's very shaky ground this early on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3
I'm on day 15 and start my bowling league tomorrow. It will be tough, but i will be with my wife and have to work the next morning. I will be using the dd role as my reason for not drinking and to make myself accountable for not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
its a bit ironic. At my meeting today, this was the topic. I know not all of you are in AA, but i will just briefly tell you what we discussed. It comes from pp. 100-101 in the big book, the chapter Working with Others. Basically, once we have recovered, we can be around alcohol and places where alcohol is served and used. However, it is suggested that you ask yourself if you have a legitimate reason for being there before you go. Even if you have years of sobriety, the thought is make sure you have a good reason to be there, that you must be there and that you are not using it as an excuse to be around alcohol. Without a solid reason, perhaps you would just be placing yourself in the situation to drink. It happens to those with 18 days and 18 years.
So, healthy, ask yourself, is the being single meeting people/business related reasons really legititmate. Do you really have to be there, or are you just thinking, here on day one, of a way to be around alcohol on day 18?
I wish you the best in your sobriety.
So, healthy, ask yourself, is the being single meeting people/business related reasons really legititmate. Do you really have to be there, or are you just thinking, here on day one, of a way to be around alcohol on day 18?
I wish you the best in your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 8
Antibiotics!
I thought I'd add a quick answer here.
I'm just into my 6th month and have had a lot of experience with this.
I'm also at a bit of a crisis time with my sobriety but I figure I'll share something positive here with you and maybe it will help and at least that's positive??
Ok so it looks like you're mind is made up and you are going to go.
I can understand that. But you dont have to arrive on time. If you can be a half hour late then perfect. Do that. Get a drink that looks like alcohol. You can bluff it for a while but you'll find at the beginning EVERYONE that drinks HEAVILY and KNOWS you to be a party animal or a heavy drinker will want to know WHY you are not drinking. You have to tell a white lie here, tell them you are on anti-biotics and have been warned by your Docter that if you drink you'll end up in the hospital. This works, people just get on with their drinking usually and if it doesnt work and they are still at you then you seriously have to wonder why you would be around them in the 1st place. You are going to seriously learn a lot about your FRIENDS and discover that some of these FRIENDS were just drinking buddies.
I always found the first drink the hardest and after 2 or 3 it got easier.
But most importantly, what you dont know is how good you are going to feel when you wake up and realise you DIDNT take a drink and you FEEL ok and have no hangover.
For me it was always ' I AM GOING TO MISS SOMETHING ' and the more I look back, I missed nothing. NOTHING. Nothing at all. And thats whats actually kept me sober in the last month to be honest, I look back and ask myself ' Did I miss out? ' it's always a NO.
Because after 11pm or when its gets near 12pm or so, then it all turns into that movie ' Dusk till Dawn ' .
There gets a point for me now where its not about the company present or the conversation, the whole thing turns into ' Dusk till Dawn ' and I know its not long till I have to go!!! lol
Just think of the next morning when you wake up, the feeling is great when you realise you made it, and each step will make you stronger.
I really hope this helps.
John.
I'm just into my 6th month and have had a lot of experience with this.
I'm also at a bit of a crisis time with my sobriety but I figure I'll share something positive here with you and maybe it will help and at least that's positive??
Ok so it looks like you're mind is made up and you are going to go.
I can understand that. But you dont have to arrive on time. If you can be a half hour late then perfect. Do that. Get a drink that looks like alcohol. You can bluff it for a while but you'll find at the beginning EVERYONE that drinks HEAVILY and KNOWS you to be a party animal or a heavy drinker will want to know WHY you are not drinking. You have to tell a white lie here, tell them you are on anti-biotics and have been warned by your Docter that if you drink you'll end up in the hospital. This works, people just get on with their drinking usually and if it doesnt work and they are still at you then you seriously have to wonder why you would be around them in the 1st place. You are going to seriously learn a lot about your FRIENDS and discover that some of these FRIENDS were just drinking buddies.
I always found the first drink the hardest and after 2 or 3 it got easier.
But most importantly, what you dont know is how good you are going to feel when you wake up and realise you DIDNT take a drink and you FEEL ok and have no hangover.
For me it was always ' I AM GOING TO MISS SOMETHING ' and the more I look back, I missed nothing. NOTHING. Nothing at all. And thats whats actually kept me sober in the last month to be honest, I look back and ask myself ' Did I miss out? ' it's always a NO.
Because after 11pm or when its gets near 12pm or so, then it all turns into that movie ' Dusk till Dawn ' .
There gets a point for me now where its not about the company present or the conversation, the whole thing turns into ' Dusk till Dawn ' and I know its not long till I have to go!!! lol
Just think of the next morning when you wake up, the feeling is great when you realise you made it, and each step will make you stronger.
I really hope this helps.
John.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
You've obviously made up your mind. I strongly suggest taking a recovering alcoholic with you. I did this in early sobriety when I had to attend a business function where alcohol would be served. You can also leave soon (people really don't notice with others do), make up an excuse of something else you must attend, "just wanted to say hi," etc.
You are putting yourself in a dangerous situation for someone in early recovery. Three things can trigger a relapse: people, places and things.
Good luck!
You are putting yourself in a dangerous situation for someone in early recovery. Three things can trigger a relapse: people, places and things.
Good luck!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I find myself almost amused when people ask for "tips and tricks" to stay sober. If you're truly alcoholic, the only "tip" I have is to concede that to your innermost self and become willing to do anything to get and stay sober, placing sobriety ahead of all else in life. I left a toxic relationship of seven years, moved, went to rehab, got my butt in a seat at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting every night, got a sponsor, and took the steps of the program with that sponsor. And then I learned to live my life by those steps. It's been working well for 3,228 days now.
I read through some of your early threads. The only reason I found that you want to be sober is that your parents are a little concerned about your drinking. Is that the case? If it is, and you care deeply about their opinion of you, AND you're not alcoholic, then by all means, hang on to that and break the habit. But if you are alcoholic, I'd suggest looking a little more deeply into your heart to try to see what alcohol is taking from your life. For alcoholics, drinking solves a feeling and perception problem, something inherently flawed in us (though the steps can repair us). It also takes from us (relationships, jobs, health, self-worth), and at a certain point, it takes more than it gives. That's when a lot of us come to the decision to get sober -- and then take the necessary steps to get sober and stay sober.
I've seen alcoholics give it up with very little external loss, but each of them felt the void on the inside. One woman I work with woke up one morning and realized she'd accomplished nothing on the five-year plan she made in college. She was still going out to the clubs every night, while her former classmates were building careers and families. It wasn't the material loss that shook her, but the feeling that time had moved on without her. Me? I was dying, and I realized I hadn't cared about myself or my role as a mother, a daughter, a partner, or a friend in a very long time.
This party sounds like another planned drink to me. If that's the case, if you find you can't consistently meet your sobriety goals, you might want to look a little deeper for your motivation. Or, keep drinking until the external consequences are painful enough that you have to change.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I read through some of your early threads. The only reason I found that you want to be sober is that your parents are a little concerned about your drinking. Is that the case? If it is, and you care deeply about their opinion of you, AND you're not alcoholic, then by all means, hang on to that and break the habit. But if you are alcoholic, I'd suggest looking a little more deeply into your heart to try to see what alcohol is taking from your life. For alcoholics, drinking solves a feeling and perception problem, something inherently flawed in us (though the steps can repair us). It also takes from us (relationships, jobs, health, self-worth), and at a certain point, it takes more than it gives. That's when a lot of us come to the decision to get sober -- and then take the necessary steps to get sober and stay sober.
I've seen alcoholics give it up with very little external loss, but each of them felt the void on the inside. One woman I work with woke up one morning and realized she'd accomplished nothing on the five-year plan she made in college. She was still going out to the clubs every night, while her former classmates were building careers and families. It wasn't the material loss that shook her, but the feeling that time had moved on without her. Me? I was dying, and I realized I hadn't cared about myself or my role as a mother, a daughter, a partner, or a friend in a very long time.
This party sounds like another planned drink to me. If that's the case, if you find you can't consistently meet your sobriety goals, you might want to look a little deeper for your motivation. Or, keep drinking until the external consequences are painful enough that you have to change.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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