Fight
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Saphira, I don't think you should push your husband to do anything regarding your addiction. He knows what is available to help him and he knows he can ask you questions if he wants to, but you might have to accept that he isn't interested. I know how really hard that can be to accept because I had to accept that, and yes, my marriage survived. It's a different relationship now, but not necessarily better or worse. In fact, I began to look at the relationship in a much more spiritual way than I had before.
A big part of recovery is accepting what you can't control. And, you can't control your husbands interest in addiction.
A big part of recovery is accepting what you can't control. And, you can't control your husbands interest in addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Saphira,
I'm not married and I met my GF three months before I admitted myself into rehab so our relationship was very different than most subjected to alcoholism.
My recovery is something that I take seriously, I attend at least three meetings a week, work with my sponsor, have a sponsee, etc. My girlfriend cannot really help me in my recovery as that is my work to do, but for sure she has the power to hurt my recovery by her actions and words. It may well be due solely to ignorance and not malice, but I think your husbands actions and words are a problem for your relationship and your recovery. He need not become a card carrying 12-stepper but if he values your marriage he does need to appreciate and support your recovery. It reminds me of the old saw "if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem."
I guess what irks me about your description of the situation is the sense that he is making you wrong for being an alcoholic. You are his wife, who happens to be a recovering alcoholic. Can he ever truly understand what it is like to walk in your shoes? I certainly hope he never has to find out. But that does not give him license to throw around statements like the "manifest" one above.
I think you should look into finding a marriage counselor who specializes in addiction/recovery. Good luck, Saphira, and above all else - always remember it aint worth drinking over.
I'm not married and I met my GF three months before I admitted myself into rehab so our relationship was very different than most subjected to alcoholism.
My recovery is something that I take seriously, I attend at least three meetings a week, work with my sponsor, have a sponsee, etc. My girlfriend cannot really help me in my recovery as that is my work to do, but for sure she has the power to hurt my recovery by her actions and words. It may well be due solely to ignorance and not malice, but I think your husbands actions and words are a problem for your relationship and your recovery. He need not become a card carrying 12-stepper but if he values your marriage he does need to appreciate and support your recovery. It reminds me of the old saw "if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem."
I guess what irks me about your description of the situation is the sense that he is making you wrong for being an alcoholic. You are his wife, who happens to be a recovering alcoholic. Can he ever truly understand what it is like to walk in your shoes? I certainly hope he never has to find out. But that does not give him license to throw around statements like the "manifest" one above.
I think you should look into finding a marriage counselor who specializes in addiction/recovery. Good luck, Saphira, and above all else - always remember it aint worth drinking over.
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