I'm not sure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Chicago, il
Posts: 1
I'm not sure
Hello all. I'm a 29 yr old female who thinks I might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I love my wine and drink a bottle of wine probably 4-5 days a week. It settle my brain and my thoughts and allows me to relax, have some fun and get a good nights rest. The reason I'm not sure is because I have not lost anything, have a great job that I excel at, a beautiful home, and when I hear about all the things that usually happen to an alcoholic I question if my behavior is an issue at all. My mother is a raging alcoholic that I tried to save my entire childhood. It would be my worst nightmare to end up like her. Today is 5 days for me but even seeing a glass of wine on tv makes me really want to run to the store for a bottle of my fav. My biggest struggle is not no drinking, it's thinking 'why not'? It's a short life and I should have fun. Any thoughts??
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
You pretty much know better than any of us whether it's a problem.
The one thing I would say is that if you decide to continue drinking, just be on guard. I used to drink a few beers 4-5 nights a week in my mid 20's, and at 42 was drinking half a bottle of bourbon and half a bottle of wine every night. I fell into the abyss without realizing it.
The one thing I would say is that if you decide to continue drinking, just be on guard. I used to drink a few beers 4-5 nights a week in my mid 20's, and at 42 was drinking half a bottle of bourbon and half a bottle of wine every night. I fell into the abyss without realizing it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Do you have a problem, I don't no. The fact you're posting may indicate you have some doubts about your relationship with the bottle. I once was a drinking person (wine), professionally success, good marraige and home, etc. But for me that was just a snapshot in time. I kept drinking, more and more to get the same effect, eventually turned from wine to vofka for effiency sake. Eventually I wasn't any of those things I was before. It crept up on me and took over, kind of like the pods in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The fact that you're looking at your drinking and asking questions is great. Thanks for posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 20
Hi NotSure,
First I would have to say that if you're concerned enough to discuss it on a sober recovery webside instead of just not drinking, it might be a hint.
I have to tell you that I've crossed the very same road that you are at now. My father's an alchoholic and I knew that I never wanted to grow up to be like him. And I believe that children of alchoholics have a huge chance of themselves becoming dependent. However, alchohol used to help me to relax, make friends, and sleep through the night so I thought it helped me more than hurt. However, it got worse and started to kill all emotions and feelings that I needed to experience. On the outside it sometimes feels like it makes your life better, but it's usually at the expense of the inside. I hope you figure it out and welcome here.
First I would have to say that if you're concerned enough to discuss it on a sober recovery webside instead of just not drinking, it might be a hint.
I have to tell you that I've crossed the very same road that you are at now. My father's an alchoholic and I knew that I never wanted to grow up to be like him. And I believe that children of alchoholics have a huge chance of themselves becoming dependent. However, alchohol used to help me to relax, make friends, and sleep through the night so I thought it helped me more than hurt. However, it got worse and started to kill all emotions and feelings that I needed to experience. On the outside it sometimes feels like it makes your life better, but it's usually at the expense of the inside. I hope you figure it out and welcome here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Whatever you figure out, your awareness that it could become a problem is amazing. I was one of those people who didn't realize it was a problem until I had a life threatening emergency happen.
Welcome. I'm glad you are here.
Welcome. I'm glad you are here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome I'mnotsure 
Although a bottle of wine a day is (significantly) over the recommended intake, only you can decide if it's a problem for you really...
Something must have bought you here to SR though - concerns, problems stemming from drinking, consequences of drinking?
D
Although a bottle of wine a day is (significantly) over the recommended intake, only you can decide if it's a problem for you really...
Something must have bought you here to SR though - concerns, problems stemming from drinking, consequences of drinking?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Hi, Imnotsure. Congrats on recognizing a problem early! You sound like me two years ago. Half a bottle to a bottle of wine a night, good times all around. Then the drinking slowly became everything I looked forward to and my crutch in life. My marriage suffered and came near to divorce. I never got as bad as many alcoholics (no DUIs, arrests, damaged property, etc) but it was still a problem for me. Like you I had an alcoholic mother. I think that alone should have clued us in that drinking wasn't the smartest idea. I can't tell you what to do, but I would recommend sobriety. I think of it as people with a strong family history of breast cancer going ahead and having elective mastectomies... drastic, but when you've seen the damage a disease can cause to your nearest and dearest, you should go to any lengths to prevent it in yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
The reason I'm not sure is because I have not lost anything,
YET
(YET = You're Eligible Too)
Drinking a bottle of fine 5 days a week is a lot, especially for a female. Alcoholism is progressive disease, and you have a genetic history. Good luck.
YET
(YET = You're Eligible Too)
Drinking a bottle of fine 5 days a week is a lot, especially for a female. Alcoholism is progressive disease, and you have a genetic history. Good luck.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Imnotsure... have you tried controlling or moderating? Did it work? If you're concerned that you may not be able to control it, then you are looking at a problem. Honesty with yourself about this is crucial. I tried moderating for a few years and it didn't work for me. I also had an alcoholic mother who's now passed away. Just remember, you aren't your mother. You're you. And whatever problem you may have with drinking, YOU must be responsible for.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
Oh My GOD!
You sound like my fraternal twin 15 years ago! Amazing.
Here's your future. Are you ready for it?
A bottle a night of the 750ml yellow tail merlot, chardonnay, etc. turns into the large 1.5 litre bottle just in case you want that extra glass, because it was a "rough day". When you find yourself at the store buying three of these, you realize you want a box of Franzia, because after the first few glasses it just doesn't matter anyways, who cares, life is short right?
Now you're drinking every night and the days of drinking far outweigh the days you haven't drank. But the job is great and the money's pouring in. Life is good.
Jump ahead 5 years. Your hands shake as your body's changing. Your liver enzymes are elevated. You realize the friends you had are no longer around and if you're married, chances are you aren't anymore. And your career? It's plateaued because what you thought you could hide, everyone knew anyways.
Welcome to alcoholism, the first step is to admit that YOU have a problem.
Their is a lot of similar stories here, a lot of heart break and of course, a lot of fine people that can help, if you want it.
Good luck
You sound like my fraternal twin 15 years ago! Amazing.
Here's your future. Are you ready for it?
A bottle a night of the 750ml yellow tail merlot, chardonnay, etc. turns into the large 1.5 litre bottle just in case you want that extra glass, because it was a "rough day". When you find yourself at the store buying three of these, you realize you want a box of Franzia, because after the first few glasses it just doesn't matter anyways, who cares, life is short right?
Now you're drinking every night and the days of drinking far outweigh the days you haven't drank. But the job is great and the money's pouring in. Life is good.
Jump ahead 5 years. Your hands shake as your body's changing. Your liver enzymes are elevated. You realize the friends you had are no longer around and if you're married, chances are you aren't anymore. And your career? It's plateaued because what you thought you could hide, everyone knew anyways.
Welcome to alcoholism, the first step is to admit that YOU have a problem.
Their is a lot of similar stories here, a lot of heart break and of course, a lot of fine people that can help, if you want it.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Jeff is right! Glad you have the guts to question it here. You described me in my mid-20s. I'm 43 today, no DUIs, I have a career still, I am still married BUT I was on my way to losing my life. One bottle of Chardonay a day turned into 1 & 1/2, then the big botte a day then physical problems, high blood pressure, mood disorder, major relationship issues, ETC. I now go to AA 3 - 4 times a week, a Psychiatrist, psychologist, etc..... Plenty of "YETS" still left for me. Wish I could change the past but that's not going to happen. Now I live one day at a time and spend those days redefining my life and me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
Alcoholism is without question a progressive condition. The amounts we drink always increase over the years. Always.
In my 20's I was a "few beers a night" guy 4 or 5 nights a week.
I'm now 44, and at the end of my drinking career. I was going through two handles (1.75 L) of hard liquor a week. Do the math, it's disgusting.
I am an alcoholic. I have no idea if you are an alcoholic or not. Only you can decide that.
But please be aware and take notice if your alcohol consumption increases beyond what it already is.
All the best,
-SD
In my 20's I was a "few beers a night" guy 4 or 5 nights a week.
I'm now 44, and at the end of my drinking career. I was going through two handles (1.75 L) of hard liquor a week. Do the math, it's disgusting.
I am an alcoholic. I have no idea if you are an alcoholic or not. Only you can decide that.
But please be aware and take notice if your alcohol consumption increases beyond what it already is.
All the best,
-SD
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
At the end of my drinking, I was consuming about the same amount you are. There were no real outer consequences and no one knew I had a problem with it. Nonetheless, I'm sure I'm an alcoholic.......
Drinking became the one thing I looked forward to every night - infact it was my motivation for getting through the day. Even if I told myself I'd only have one or two glasses of wine, before I knew it, the bottle was empty. I always wanted more. I started feeling bad in the mornings and swore I'd quit. By that evening I was drinking again. Basically, I was the happiest when everyone would leave me alone and I had a full bottle of wine. I could go on but you get the picture....
That's just my experience and may or may not be anything you can relate to, but I think you're so wise to at least ask yourself some questions. (kudos for doing so!) If you want to test yourself, try cutting down to the recommended healthy amount (1 standard glass of wine per day which is 5 oz./day), or stop for a couple months and see if you can do it.
Just some food for thought....... Glad you're here!
Drinking became the one thing I looked forward to every night - infact it was my motivation for getting through the day. Even if I told myself I'd only have one or two glasses of wine, before I knew it, the bottle was empty. I always wanted more. I started feeling bad in the mornings and swore I'd quit. By that evening I was drinking again. Basically, I was the happiest when everyone would leave me alone and I had a full bottle of wine. I could go on but you get the picture....
That's just my experience and may or may not be anything you can relate to, but I think you're so wise to at least ask yourself some questions. (kudos for doing so!) If you want to test yourself, try cutting down to the recommended healthy amount (1 standard glass of wine per day which is 5 oz./day), or stop for a couple months and see if you can do it.
Just some food for thought....... Glad you're here!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please ask your Mom how she got started on her downward slide. I bet she too started with a few for fun and relaxation...I did.
You are already drinking above what the CDC considers moderate....glad you are looking into what is in your best interest....
I never knew what drink on which day I became an active alcoholic. It's not about the job or anything external.
It's all about how your brain and body processes the toxic liquid...alcohol.
Welcome...
You are already drinking above what the CDC considers moderate....glad you are looking into what is in your best interest....
I never knew what drink on which day I became an active alcoholic. It's not about the job or anything external.
It's all about how your brain and body processes the toxic liquid...alcohol.
Welcome...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 218
Welcome.
I struggled with whether or not I was an alcoholic for a long time, although I had lost a lot (didn't realize at the time that I lost those things because of my drinking).
Someone told me alcoholism is not about the consequences. It is about what happens after we take the first drink. Is one okay? Can you go out and have a drink and be fine with A drink? Or do you crave more after the first?
For me, that answered the question. I was never happy with one drink. When I was enjoying my drinking, I was not in control of how much I drank, and when I was in control of how much I drank, I didn't enjoy it. When I went any length of time without a drink, I thought about it constantly. So it was a physical craving accompanied by a mental obsession.
I struggled with whether or not I was an alcoholic for a long time, although I had lost a lot (didn't realize at the time that I lost those things because of my drinking).
Someone told me alcoholism is not about the consequences. It is about what happens after we take the first drink. Is one okay? Can you go out and have a drink and be fine with A drink? Or do you crave more after the first?
For me, that answered the question. I was never happy with one drink. When I was enjoying my drinking, I was not in control of how much I drank, and when I was in control of how much I drank, I didn't enjoy it. When I went any length of time without a drink, I thought about it constantly. So it was a physical craving accompanied by a mental obsession.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Being the daughter of an alcoholic Mom, and then myself becoming an alcoholic, I noticed a little something about my own alcoholic "evolution" (or spiral, if you will)
In retrospect, I can pinpoint my own cross over from the line of problem drinking into alcohol dependency. While I was going through it, I wasn't so good at it.
At the age of 19, and while working at a youth counseling agency as an administrative assistant, I felt I was pretty savvy on therapeutic issues by osmosis. My alcoholic Mom was miserable, and I went into my own counseling sessions (at a different agency, of course) and joined Al-Anon in the hopes of "saving" my Mom. I got a little pissed when they started asking me about MY drinking, and bailed out of both when I found out Al-Anon couldn't teach me how to cure my mom, and when the counselor started tapping on my door.
So, let us just say I went into my own spiral with my eyes wide open - intellectually, that is.
Bottom line is I spent many years diffentiating myself from my mother because while I acknowledged that I was doing stupid things, I wasn't doing the same stupid things she did.
I spent many wasted years comparing what I did to what my Mother did and found I kept moving my line in the sand. I always rationalized that "at least I don't do that!", and continued along my way.
It was the day I crossed that ever-shifting, imaginary line in the sand between my behavior and my Mother's behavior that I began to scream for help. I wasted a lot of years getting there.
Don't get me wrong; I loved my Mom to pieces. I used to put my small feet into her high heels as a kid and wanted to be just like her. She wasn't always alcohol dependent. I didn't realize, however, that those shoes would come to fit me so well in my own adulthood.
In retrospect, I can pinpoint my own cross over from the line of problem drinking into alcohol dependency. While I was going through it, I wasn't so good at it.
At the age of 19, and while working at a youth counseling agency as an administrative assistant, I felt I was pretty savvy on therapeutic issues by osmosis. My alcoholic Mom was miserable, and I went into my own counseling sessions (at a different agency, of course) and joined Al-Anon in the hopes of "saving" my Mom. I got a little pissed when they started asking me about MY drinking, and bailed out of both when I found out Al-Anon couldn't teach me how to cure my mom, and when the counselor started tapping on my door.
So, let us just say I went into my own spiral with my eyes wide open - intellectually, that is.
Bottom line is I spent many years diffentiating myself from my mother because while I acknowledged that I was doing stupid things, I wasn't doing the same stupid things she did.
I spent many wasted years comparing what I did to what my Mother did and found I kept moving my line in the sand. I always rationalized that "at least I don't do that!", and continued along my way.
It was the day I crossed that ever-shifting, imaginary line in the sand between my behavior and my Mother's behavior that I began to scream for help. I wasted a lot of years getting there.
Don't get me wrong; I loved my Mom to pieces. I used to put my small feet into her high heels as a kid and wanted to be just like her. She wasn't always alcohol dependent. I didn't realize, however, that those shoes would come to fit me so well in my own adulthood.
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