RyanRed

In in my 90 day sober post, someone asked how my anxiety was. It actually is 10x better. It was happening almost on a daily basis, but now it seems pretty far and inbetween. So I can honestly say it seems to be vanishing with time. While its not completely gone, looking back 3-4 weeks ago it has absolutely gotten better. It almost seems that it's vanishing as fast as it seemed to show up. Strange really... The minds a weird thing sometimes . (but Im pretty sure it had to do with that PAWS garbage).

I am slowly relearning to live sober, and I now know anxiety was inevitable. Dealing with stress isnt always easy. Since I dont drink anymore, I no longer supress it, and this is a good thing! But learning to deal with it sober is a whole other story .

Over the past 3 months of being sober, I've started to realize so many different things. I'm starting to learn alcohol wasnt my problem. Don't get me wrong here because I am an alcoholic, and drinking controlled my life for many years. But I was using alcohol to cover up my "problems". I used alcohol to hide from all things thats disturbed me, but ultimately I never was actually fixing any of it. I used alcohol as a void filler if you will. Since this void is now empty again, I need to find something to fill this void. Clearly that cant be alcohol lol. But I do need to fill it with something. Be it something spiritually I dont know. But I do know it needs to be filled. I banished drinking from my life because I knew I was on a destructive path that would end in my death if I didnt. But since I took away alcohol, I can't just leave that space in my life empty. While I havent figured out WHAT that space will be filled with yet, I know it needs to be filled, or I will revert back to drinking in the long run.

So, anxiety I believe is all part of relearning to live sober. The anxiety seemed very weird and scarey at first, and hell it still does. But I will get past it . But without a doubt, living sober is far easier than living drunk. I love who I am becoming, and I love the way I feel. Yeah its not always a pleasent feeling, but it by far superseeds the black abyss of what I used to call living. In fact, that wasnt even living I was doing before. That was... ... I dont know what that was, but it sure wasnt living!!

So if any one newly sober is reading this, dont give up. I can't stress enough how much better living sober is. Yes there will be bumps in the road, but none of them are worth drinking over!! If your newly sober, and feel weird, stressed, anxiety, a sense of unreality, out of place, different from everyone, or just plane crazy don't worry! All those feelings are normal I'm finding out. They will pass as long as you dont drink again! Always remember you quit for a reason! So why go back now? I dont know about you, but I dont ever wanna detox again. Even if your 1 week, 2 weeks, a month, whatever sober, you have come a long way already!!! Dont give into that demon, and have to restart this all over again. Its simply not worth it. If you keep moving forward, I promise you you wont regret it.

Stay strong people! And thanks for listening!

-Ryan

ForwardMotion

Thank you for your perspective at 90 days, I too, suffer from a lot of anxiety. So it's nice getting your point of view. I totally agree with you on the uncomfortableness factor, any bad day sober is far better than a good day drunk.

Thanks for taking the time to write this well put post.

RaiseAnchor

This is a great post. After I had quit drinking I guess I never really had anxiety, I was just very tense. And angry. But the fact that I wasn't drinking really made me just wallow in my emotions. I would just lay there complaining, being a jerk. Hating on myself, hating on others, hating on the world because poor me.

My void with alcohol is that I would drink some beer to make time pass. When I wasn't drinking things seemed boring and I would feel tense.

It took me some time to realize that I needed to just get up and do something productive whenever this feeling had overcome me rather than drinking. Running has really been a way to focus my negative feelings, and it actually makes the work outs a lot better sometimes when I have some negative energy to expel. So far though I'm not tense at all times like I used to be, sometimes a little bit of it is a kick in the pants to do something. My mind is much more clear. I guess that is filling my void. I have a whole lot of good to wake up to everyday, and it's a responsibility to use it constructively.

MycoolFitz

Thanks for your great post and update. Funny, years ago I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, medicated and shrinkified. Nothing seemed to help much--until I got sober and worked on my recovery. No more booze, changed to a nutrition-rich diet with daily exercise, renewed my Buddhist dharma practices and amazingly my anxiety had virtually disappeared--occassional flareups especially in certain social situations, My severe allergies also cleared up. Incredible what living a real life can do for a person. Glad you're doing so well. I know how great it feels.

bigguyslimm

Ryan thanks for the update. I'm at day 44 today. My anxiety has gotten better, but still pops up when it wants. I think the thing I hate most right now is I get upset stomach some days. It comes and goes, but when it does happen I feel like I need to be away from everyone. Hopefully it will get better as the days go on. Some days are better than others.

@ MycoolFits Hey I noticed my sinus and allergies got real bad when I stopped drinking. I read that it could do that, but when I asked other people everyone didn't know what I was talking about. How long have you been sober, and how long till the sinus cleared up?

UrbanCowgirl1

Thanks for the post Ryan!!! It was like you were talking directly to me!

BTW... I agree. I NEVER want to detox again!!