Hi, looking for support
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Snarf 
I decided not to tell her about it, for 2 reasons. 1) I didn't want to look foolish if I went back to drinking very quickly. 2) I wanted her to SEE the changes in me, not HEAR me TALK about them. So I began going to AA meetings at all times of the day and posting on this site at every random hour.
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I did the same thing. Took me a lot longer to actually talk about it with her but not telling anyone about it worked for me.
And I'm not sure how to put this tactfully, hope, but once you get on the other side of this problem, you might be surprised to learn how people perceived you. You'll probably be surprised by your new perceptions of the rest of your community, town, whatever. That's why they call them facades.
Anyway, welcome and stick around!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi Hope and Welcome!
Your post struck home with me because I felt like my neighbors and friends were all perfect too. I felt like I was the only one who couldn't cope and so I put on a face that was perfect too. In recovery, I began to see that everyone has a story, not just the addicts, but everyone has a back-story and no one is perfect.
And, my husband made it clear that stopping drinking was entirely my problem. Of course, he wanted me to get better, but had no interest in how that happened. I didn't tell him when I stopped drinking because I had tried many times and failed. I just did it. And, I found a strength that I had no idea was there and it saved me. You can do it too.
Your post struck home with me because I felt like my neighbors and friends were all perfect too. I felt like I was the only one who couldn't cope and so I put on a face that was perfect too. In recovery, I began to see that everyone has a story, not just the addicts, but everyone has a back-story and no one is perfect.
And, my husband made it clear that stopping drinking was entirely my problem. Of course, he wanted me to get better, but had no interest in how that happened. I didn't tell him when I stopped drinking because I had tried many times and failed. I just did it. And, I found a strength that I had no idea was there and it saved me. You can do it too.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,962
Welcome to the participation side of SR.
Yes you can. There many ways to do it too. I find having recovery tools, support and a good old fashioned deterministic attitude, an alcohol free life is always close at hand.
Originally Posted by Hope
I just need somebody to let me know that I can stop it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
I didn't get through the day like planned. I called my husband at work yesterday, I broke down crying asking him to help me, and he told me we would talk when he got home.
I made it through the day, did not buy any wine. Late last night, I am sober as can be (the first time in years, except for when I was pregnant) and he starts complaining about my family, and then lays into me that he wants a glass of wine, but he can't keep any bottles in the house because I will drink it. He said many other things, but the wine part was what stuck with me. I know I deserved it, but was last night, the night I was actually sober, the time to bring it up? I got upset, and told him that he is the reason I drink. Like he forces wine down my throat. I am the one that pours the glass and drinks it. He might aggravate, me, but it is my choice to drink.
Well, I am not proud of what I did, but I had a beer. I hate beer, but I drank it! As bad as I feel, having only one beer is the least I have drank in one evening in a very long time. I can't believe I stopped at one, but I knew it was wrong to continue to drink, and I am actually proud of myself for stopping.
I am just going to keep trying, that is all I can do. I am going to go to the doctor, because I am having what I think would be called panic attacks, just from the thought of not being able to drink again. That is why i called him at work, I thought I was about to have a heart attack, the way my heart was pounding. It is not just in my head, but physical as well.
Thank you so much for all of your support. This is going to be so much harder than I realized. I used to look at addicts when I was a kid, and judge them, wondering why they just don't stop? Now unfortunately, I understand.
I made it through the day, did not buy any wine. Late last night, I am sober as can be (the first time in years, except for when I was pregnant) and he starts complaining about my family, and then lays into me that he wants a glass of wine, but he can't keep any bottles in the house because I will drink it. He said many other things, but the wine part was what stuck with me. I know I deserved it, but was last night, the night I was actually sober, the time to bring it up? I got upset, and told him that he is the reason I drink. Like he forces wine down my throat. I am the one that pours the glass and drinks it. He might aggravate, me, but it is my choice to drink.
Well, I am not proud of what I did, but I had a beer. I hate beer, but I drank it! As bad as I feel, having only one beer is the least I have drank in one evening in a very long time. I can't believe I stopped at one, but I knew it was wrong to continue to drink, and I am actually proud of myself for stopping.
I am just going to keep trying, that is all I can do. I am going to go to the doctor, because I am having what I think would be called panic attacks, just from the thought of not being able to drink again. That is why i called him at work, I thought I was about to have a heart attack, the way my heart was pounding. It is not just in my head, but physical as well.
Thank you so much for all of your support. This is going to be so much harder than I realized. I used to look at addicts when I was a kid, and judge them, wondering why they just don't stop? Now unfortunately, I understand.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Originally Posted by Hope727
I made it through the day, did not buy any wine. Late last night, I am sober as can be (the first time in years, except for when I was pregnant) and he starts complaining about my family, and then lays into me that he wants a glass of wine, but he can't keep any bottles in the house because I will drink it. He said many other things, but the wine part was what stuck with me. I know I deserved it, but was last night, the night I was actually sober, the time to bring it up? I got upset, and told him that he is the reason I drink. Like he forces wine down my throat. I am the one that pours the glass and drinks it. He might aggravate, me, but it is my choice to drink.
I don't have any magic solutions for you, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping the best for you. I too think that you may find comfort in the support of a recovery group like AA. I am in therapy and that has helped me out quite a bit, although our life situations sound much different.
I would definitely encourage you to see a doctor regarding your symptoms. Withdrawal from alcohol can be quite deadly, and that's not anything to mess around with.
Best of luck to you,
-Josh
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi Hope,
The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself and stopping drinking. Don't worry about what your husband is drinking or not at this point. Early recovery is really hard and you need to use your energy on yourself.
The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself and stopping drinking. Don't worry about what your husband is drinking or not at this point. Early recovery is really hard and you need to use your energy on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi Hope,
The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself and stopping drinking. Don't worry about what your husband is drinking or not at this point. Early recovery is really hard and you need to use your energy on yourself.
The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself and stopping drinking. Don't worry about what your husband is drinking or not at this point. Early recovery is really hard and you need to use your energy on yourself.
Not sure what the agreement is between you but if it were me I'd tell him to please go ahead. When I quit it was my problem, not my wife's and I had no expectation that she quit drinking just because I needed to stop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Thank you, you are all right about having to focus on myself. I am actually going to call my Doctor tomorrow, because I don't think I can stop drinking cold turkey. The side effects are too intense. When reading other threads, I never thought that those withdrawal symptoms woul be me. But it is me, and I am so scared/ashamed to tell my Dr this.
I just wanted to say that I don't mind if my husband drinks, and he rarely does. I guess it finally dawned on me that he is annoyed that he can't have a nice bottle of wine in the house without hiding it.
I just wanted to say that I don't mind if my husband drinks, and he rarely does. I guess it finally dawned on me that he is annoyed that he can't have a nice bottle of wine in the house without hiding it.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I don't want to get into the issue of giving you advice on your relationship, because that's a very tricky and personal subject, but I do agree with others that your focus right now should be on yourself. I realized there's no way I can be in a healthy relationship if I'm not healthy myself. It may sound selfish to say you need to focus on yourself, but really, you can't be there for other people if you don't do that first.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
I drank when I was happy, sad, disappointed, etc. This is what we do to cope, what we turn to; we are alcoholics.
You need to start doing something different and I think starting will talking with your doctor is a good start, but there is so much more.
Maybe out patient treatment and AA to follow. You need to find others ways to cope and treatment will help you to come up with a plan. you can't do this alone.
Wishing you all the best.
You need to start doing something different and I think starting will talking with your doctor is a good start, but there is so much more.
Maybe out patient treatment and AA to follow. You need to find others ways to cope and treatment will help you to come up with a plan. you can't do this alone.
Wishing you all the best.
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