New here - hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North East, UK
Posts: 11
New here - hello!
Hi all
Im new to these forums and just wanted to introduce myself and let you know a little about why I am here.
I'm 35 years old and have decided that drinking is beginning to ruin my life. Maybe it has already done lots of damage - its hard to judge when you cannot see what your life would have been like without the drink.
I have always told myself that I don't have a drink problem...I don't drink every day, I have a job etc etc. However, when I do drink (especially when I drink on my own), I get really drunk and then do not go into work for 2 days afterwards. I only ever do this when my husband is away, in secret.
I did this on Tuesday night this week. I went to the supermarket to get some bits and pieces and was drawn to the drink isle. I picked up a bottle of wine telling myself that I would have it with dinner. Then I picked up another one telling myself that I would not drink it that night.....who am I kidding? I really wanted to not drink it that night, but even as I was buying it I knew I would....and I knew I would end up calling in sick the next day.
This has happened too many times and I really want to stop - I just dont seem to be able to do it on my own.
My husband knows I drink, and often tells me that once I start, I can't stop. He drinks quite a bit too...he always has beer/cider in the house and sometimes I think (and tell him) that he drinks it as though it was lemonade. He often gets very agitated when he drinks too much. Im not sure whether he has a problem or not though - he always goes into work and does seem to be able to stop once he has started.
Anyway, enough of my rambling...it was nice to get it off my chest.
Its hubbys birthday this weekend and we have booked to go out...I have decided that after this birthday weekend, there will be no more drinking for me...If it means that I can never drink, so that I stop binge drinking when I am on my own then so be it.
Thank you so much for listening
Bathsheeba
Im new to these forums and just wanted to introduce myself and let you know a little about why I am here.
I'm 35 years old and have decided that drinking is beginning to ruin my life. Maybe it has already done lots of damage - its hard to judge when you cannot see what your life would have been like without the drink.
I have always told myself that I don't have a drink problem...I don't drink every day, I have a job etc etc. However, when I do drink (especially when I drink on my own), I get really drunk and then do not go into work for 2 days afterwards. I only ever do this when my husband is away, in secret.
I did this on Tuesday night this week. I went to the supermarket to get some bits and pieces and was drawn to the drink isle. I picked up a bottle of wine telling myself that I would have it with dinner. Then I picked up another one telling myself that I would not drink it that night.....who am I kidding? I really wanted to not drink it that night, but even as I was buying it I knew I would....and I knew I would end up calling in sick the next day.
This has happened too many times and I really want to stop - I just dont seem to be able to do it on my own.
My husband knows I drink, and often tells me that once I start, I can't stop. He drinks quite a bit too...he always has beer/cider in the house and sometimes I think (and tell him) that he drinks it as though it was lemonade. He often gets very agitated when he drinks too much. Im not sure whether he has a problem or not though - he always goes into work and does seem to be able to stop once he has started.
Anyway, enough of my rambling...it was nice to get it off my chest.
Its hubbys birthday this weekend and we have booked to go out...I have decided that after this birthday weekend, there will be no more drinking for me...If it means that I can never drink, so that I stop binge drinking when I am on my own then so be it.
Thank you so much for listening
Bathsheeba
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
Welcome bathsheeba!
I know the rationalizations about "I will only drink this with dinner" etc too well. I am only 11 days sober but have tried many many other times to quit and found it so hard. Day 3 or 4 I would be drinking again. This time it feels different. I am not trying to moderate or manage anymore but to quit for good and making that decision has made it much easier! No more worrying if I will be able to stick to only having two or three or only drinking on the weekends.
I wish you the best of luck In your plan to quit. Just worry about yourself right now, you deserve to look after you!
I know the rationalizations about "I will only drink this with dinner" etc too well. I am only 11 days sober but have tried many many other times to quit and found it so hard. Day 3 or 4 I would be drinking again. This time it feels different. I am not trying to moderate or manage anymore but to quit for good and making that decision has made it much easier! No more worrying if I will be able to stick to only having two or three or only drinking on the weekends.
I wish you the best of luck In your plan to quit. Just worry about yourself right now, you deserve to look after you!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR
It too finally sought sobriety at the age of 35. It was a scary decision but the right one for me. What I did that worked for me was find a program of recovery. Here is a list of many of the recovery programs out there: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
The program of AA is the one I chose and has worked for me for 10 years now. I would not trade any of those years for my best day drunk.
Take care and once again glad you found us.
It too finally sought sobriety at the age of 35. It was a scary decision but the right one for me. What I did that worked for me was find a program of recovery. Here is a list of many of the recovery programs out there: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
The program of AA is the one I chose and has worked for me for 10 years now. I would not trade any of those years for my best day drunk.
Take care and once again glad you found us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North East, UK
Posts: 11
Thank you both for your replies
Cerberus - well done on your 11 days. Thats fantastic!!
I cant remember the last time I've been without a drink for that long. Im glad for you that you have made a break in the cycle - I can imagine thats really hard to do.
Nandm - thank you so much for the links. I will have a good rifle through there. 10 years! wow thats great. Its so encouraging to hear that you wouldn't trade any of those days.
I am going to break the news that Im going to give up drinking to my husband tomorrow - somehow telling him will make it more 'real' for me, as has joining this forum.
Take care
Bathsheeba
Cerberus - well done on your 11 days. Thats fantastic!!
I cant remember the last time I've been without a drink for that long. Im glad for you that you have made a break in the cycle - I can imagine thats really hard to do.Nandm - thank you so much for the links. I will have a good rifle through there. 10 years! wow thats great. Its so encouraging to hear that you wouldn't trade any of those days.
I am going to break the news that Im going to give up drinking to my husband tomorrow - somehow telling him will make it more 'real' for me, as has joining this forum.
Take care
Bathsheeba
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR Bathsheeba. You've come to the right place -- there is a lot of support here. Quitting isn't easy and most people can't do it on their own. I could relate to a lot of what you said. Congratulations on taking the first step to recovery.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Welcome. Be aware of your thoughts and actions. It is so easy for us to tell ourselves stories we're anxious to believe. All pick up this bottle but not drink it tonight, I'll celebrate this occasion but then thats it. W set up rules that we make for breaking. I was only going to drink on special occasions, but guess what, everything and every day became special. I think for the sake of sobriety you can't just wade around in the shallows you need to jump in and swim. All my best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North East, UK
Posts: 11
You know MyCoolFitz, I think you are probably right.
I thought as I was typing that 'I am going to wait until after the birthday celebrations' was a bit of a cop-out.....that Im just making yet another excuse...yet another reason to have that one last drink.
Thats a very good point and thank you - need to be honest with myself.
Does anyone else have any advice on this? Did you pick a day when you were going to stop and stick to it? Or did you say you were doing it from NOW.
Thanks for reading
Bathsheeba x
I thought as I was typing that 'I am going to wait until after the birthday celebrations' was a bit of a cop-out.....that Im just making yet another excuse...yet another reason to have that one last drink.
Thats a very good point and thank you - need to be honest with myself.
Does anyone else have any advice on this? Did you pick a day when you were going to stop and stick to it? Or did you say you were doing it from NOW.
Thanks for reading
Bathsheeba x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Why not now?
Originally Posted by Bathsheeba 
I have decided that after this birthday weekend, there will be no more drinking for me...If it means that I can never drink, so that I stop binge drinking when I am on my own then so be it.
I don't often post here, but I do when something catches my eye.
First off, WELCOME to this forum. There is so much support here. I, too, encourage you to get involved with a support group locally like AA, because when you are accountable only to yourself, it is much harder to stop drinking. I wouldn't wait until next week. You can start now, even though you haven't quit yet.
I see nothing wrong with your plan, but I did want to toss in my bit of advice. I made that EXACT SAME PLAN many, many, many times over the course of probably ten years, before I realized that I was setting myself up to fail.
I was never "quite ready" after the planned celebration, and I did find like the other poster pointed out that many things became "celebrations" and the exceptions soon became the rule.
I put forth this idea: If you truly mean to quit, why not give your husband the gift of your sobriety for his birthday, instead of waiting until after you have drunk that night, feel sick the next day, and maybe reach for "hair of the dog" afterwards. That's what I always called my day-after-drinking, and I did it so often that my shopping list often had the initials "HOD" -- and I never failed to know what that meant.
Good luck! Keep coming back here for web support. And find those local support folks who will also help you so much.
FT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I can too relate with everything that you said..It's funny how I used to tell myself that
the wine I bought was to have with dinner, when I most likely would end up not eating
at all and downing several bottles.
I told myself those same lies for years and years..Nothing ever changed and I never had
just one drink..It only became worse.
Welcome! You are in the right place
the wine I bought was to have with dinner, when I most likely would end up not eating
at all and downing several bottles.
I told myself those same lies for years and years..Nothing ever changed and I never had
just one drink..It only became worse.
Welcome! You are in the right place
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
I didn't have much choice in the timing (which was good; left to my own devices, I'd probably still be making excuses for why I can't quit today). There's always going to be "special occasions" and like MyCoolFitz said, I could make any and every day "special". ("Yay! The sun came up this morning!" chug, chug, chug). My advice on this is to quit NOW. Get your husband on board with it if you can; if you can't, quit anyways. Now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
Welcome Bathsheeba welcome to SR. I relate to calling in sick to work. ( knowing I would the night before.) because my H was out of town and I was going to drink as much as I wanted, without going to my hidden wine bottle in the closet the entire evening. I could sit on the couch and drink. Not that my H was fooled by my alcoholic behavior. He just simple knew that I would drink no matter what. I am sorry I have gotten off track here. Just something about dinking and calling in sick really resonated with me. I hope you will keep posting, and think about healing from the self distructive behaviors. Let us know how your hubby's Bday went.
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by Bathsheeba
You know MyCoolFitz, I think you are probably right.
I thought as I was typing that 'I am going to wait until after the birthday celebrations' was a bit of a cop-out.....that Im just making yet another excuse...yet another reason to have that one last drink.
Thats a very good point and thank you - need to be honest with myself.
Does anyone else have any advice on this? Did you pick a day when you were going to stop and stick to it? Or did you say you were doing it from NOW.
Thanks for reading
Bathsheeba x
I thought as I was typing that 'I am going to wait until after the birthday celebrations' was a bit of a cop-out.....that Im just making yet another excuse...yet another reason to have that one last drink.
Thats a very good point and thank you - need to be honest with myself.
Does anyone else have any advice on this? Did you pick a day when you were going to stop and stick to it? Or did you say you were doing it from NOW.
Thanks for reading
Bathsheeba x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North East, UK
Posts: 11
Thank you everyone - I am amazed by your kind responses. It is so good to know that I am not alone, although that said, I would never wish this on anyone.
CeeFarro - I too never get around to actually eating the dinner with the 'wine to have with dinner'.
Thanks failedtaper for your words of advice. I am hearing you loud and clear. I can see that the after effects of the birthday 'celebrations' will be either HOD on the shopping list or a few days of dark depression which in turn will lead to more drinking in the long run....as is always the case with this vicious circle I (and many others Im sure) find myself in.
I am definately going to go with yours and Fenris' advice and give hubby my sobriety for his birthday
lushly -the calling in sick is something which seems far too easy for me to do and I hate myself for it. I studied for years as a mature student to get my dream job and now that I have it (well, am certianly on my way to getting it - at least Im in the right field), I seem to be throwing it all away. Just cant be doing this to myself anymore. Hope all is well for you and hubby now x
Again thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read and post
Bathsheeba
x
CeeFarro - I too never get around to actually eating the dinner with the 'wine to have with dinner'.
Thanks failedtaper for your words of advice. I am hearing you loud and clear. I can see that the after effects of the birthday 'celebrations' will be either HOD on the shopping list or a few days of dark depression which in turn will lead to more drinking in the long run....as is always the case with this vicious circle I (and many others Im sure) find myself in.
I am definately going to go with yours and Fenris' advice and give hubby my sobriety for his birthday
lushly -the calling in sick is something which seems far too easy for me to do and I hate myself for it. I studied for years as a mature student to get my dream job and now that I have it (well, am certianly on my way to getting it - at least Im in the right field), I seem to be throwing it all away. Just cant be doing this to myself anymore. Hope all is well for you and hubby now x
Again thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read and post
Bathsheeba
x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
You know the quiting point and method is different for everybody. One day I was just drinking my vodka like I did everyday. Didn't seem to have a thought in my mind when all of a sudden with glass raised to lip I thought "No More". I poured in out along with all the booze in the place. That was 54 daze ago and haven't had a drop or a craving since. Go figure?
to SR.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome Bathsheeba! I'm around your age and just quit drinking myself. You sound just like me... getting the first bottle for "dinner" then going back for the second bottle... saving it for "later" knowing full well you're going to drink it in the same night! Just exactly what I did!
So glad you found SR... it's a pretty diverse group embracing different viewpoints, philosophies and recovery methods. You're sure to find people here you can relate to and who've been where you are.
Again, welcome and check out all the great threads and articles in the forum as well as chat
So glad you found SR... it's a pretty diverse group embracing different viewpoints, philosophies and recovery methods. You're sure to find people here you can relate to and who've been where you are.
Again, welcome and check out all the great threads and articles in the forum as well as chat
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