meangirl66

i slipped; and then i drank four more days. i hate the feeling of self loathing; and shame. i thought i could just have a few; i did and then two days later i wanted a few and that;s how it happened. 24 days of not drinking and now i ruined it all. my husband doesn;t even want to be around me; and i feel so terrible today. i;m anxious, irritable; want to sleep but my thoughts are racing as i know i can;t ever, ever do it again...and i was feeling so good; not having any urges, working out, running, eating better, dressing better and now i feel like a failure; a failure that lies to her husband when she slips, he knows; he knew last night and then i get that sense of dread in the a.m. and the intense feeling of shame.....i know tommorow i will feel better; i loved waking up without feeling this way; without wondering if i repeated myself a million times or what i did the night before...i just feel so alone and i can;t stand myself. thanks for listening.
kate

Pachystima

It is remarkable how insidious alcohol can be and how easy it is for one to make a slip. For a month or two before I finally quit, I was quitting every morning and starting again every afternoon. I really got tired of myself when I was on that road.

The only thing I can say to you is don't be too hard on yourself. You are a good person fighting one hell of a battle, one you will only loose if you give up. Just follow the advice in the old Frank Sinatra song and "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again".

You may not be able to stand yourself, but there are a lot of people here who can stand you and are pulling for you.

recoverywfaith

Thank you for sharing. Have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as another recovery tool as well? The forum alcoholism has alot of good reading and links such as information on AA.

Missy7

I'm sorry this happened. I know that pattern though--when I imagine I can have one or two drinks and I can too. Then two days later I assume it's over. I can handle it--but I can't. So just start again but don't think of 24 days. Think of today. And today. And today. Sort of Groundhogish, isn't it?

Hang in there.

sobermax

I'm really sorry MG, and know just how you are feeling. I'm just coming back to myself after a pretty dreadful relapse and hope has seemed like a distant memory this week. But it will get better for us both and quickly too, if we don't surrender and keep working.

Anna

I'm sorry you feel bad, and I hope that you can use this experience in a positive way. What happened that made you decide to drink? Hopefully you can avoid that in the future. I'm glad you're here and posting!

EmeraldRose

Live and learn....don't make the same mistake again! :ghug3

lushly

[QUOTE=meangirl66;3019215i know tommorow i will feel better; i loved waking up without feeling this way; without wondering if i repeated myself a million times or what i did the night before...i just feel so alone and i can;t stand myself. thanks for listening.[/QUOTE]

Kate you are alone when you are in your Dis ease. Reach out to people if you can. Go to an AA meeting. You have hope I read it in your post and quoted it here in my post. I could not do it alone. I had to reach out for some sort of recovery. If you are opposed to AA/ then get a program of recovery of some sort. I have 60 days today and I have been where you are at many times. I refused to ask for help. I believed I could do it alone. I could not. You are in too much pain to be objective right now. You need help. I wish for you a moment of clarity. (())s the Lush

bblackbirdflyy

Just create A new Kate!
Booze makes us mutate and leaves us frustrate.
Don't hate on Kate! Kate is great!
Drinking is not your fate! We can relate!
Say sorry to your mate! take him out on a date!
Don't fixate! drink water to hydrate!

Ran out of stuff that rhymes w/ Kate. written partially for my benefit (my name is kate too)

I know it sucks now but it'll get better. Sorry you are feeling down. I screwed up on monday and drank. It takes time to change. You are only human. I look at it this way, my sober day:drunk day ratio has been waaaay better this month than all previous months. And next month will be even better than that....

1undone

I understand!!!!

AcceptingChange

Congrats on 24 days! You can compare day 15-20 with the day after you stopped drinking. Which was less pain-filled?
You tried an experiment: "Does drinking still cause more pain than happiness?"

Focus on the next 24 days+. Don't focus on the slip, build strength from the days leading up to the slip.
And thanks for sharing your results. I was a bit curious if drinking still had the same results, and you just confirmed it for me. I owe you one