CeeFarro

I am making an attempt to quit drinking and I am scared to death..Mainly because I don't trust myself or my own thoughts. I think I am fooling everyone because I appear healthy and active..but I am a drunk..I'm 39 and I binge drink, the next day I always feel ashamed and depressed but I keep doing it..Last night I actually drove drunk and I could never live with myself if I hurt another person..I am tired of lying to my family and friends..I feel like this is impossible though..I always feel remorseful and end up drinking again in a couple days..I absolutely hate feeling this way..I know if others can do it, I can too..I want to feel like I am worth having a good life..so here I am

Elphaba

Wow....I could have wrote your post word for word!

susanlauren

You are not alone. There are lots of people who have similar stories and experiences. I would encourage you to look in your phone or get on line and search for your local AA office. Find a meeting close by and go. You do not have to tackle this by yourself. Susan

Adisa1101

i think thats a good start. i drank last night after months of staying sober. i know the depression and guilt that it brings. and somehow ive managed to make the same mistakes way more than twice. but i agree with you. i want to feel that i have worth. that i deserve good things. im learning that drinking will never bring me them. hang in there. youre in good company.

least

Welcome to the family. :ghug3 Muster up a little hope cause living sober is worth the effort. I'm at 18 months now and haven't felt better in my life. I think you'll be glad you came here cause there's so much support here.

lushly

Where you are at is where I was 50 days ago. I felt so hopeless that I tried to kill myself. I surrendered to the Sh#$t and knew it had me beat. When I was released from the hospital the universe found me at an AA meeting. I have been deciding on sobriety for about 30 years. Like I had a choice. LOL.. No choice to it, if a person wants a life.

scared1

I know it is hard but try to stay sober for at least 24 hours. waking up sober and opening your eyes, not hating the world or regretting your actions... feels so wonderful.
I only have a few days under my belt but this feeling is keeping me going.
Take it one minute/hour at a time.
Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

CeeFarro

Thank you everyone..I went and picked up AA's big book and am reading it until I can get to a meeting..I can't go on fooling myself anymore...

Missy7

How ya doing CeeFarro? Have you told anyone in your life that you are doing this?

CeeFarro

Not yet..I'm afraid they won't take me seriously...Right now I'm taking it one minute at a time and trying to not get ahead of myself..Should I tell people?..My friends are all pretty normal, no one drinks like me that I know of....and I'm scared of failing..

Anna

That's a personal choice. I didn't tell anyone because I had messed up quite a few times already. I just wanted to do it and it allowed my family to see the changes in me, rather than me telling them I was going to change.

There's lots of support here, Cee, so keep posting.

Dee74

Welcome CeeFarro

Good to have you with us
I know it's scary but you're not alone - there's a ton of support & ideas here

I'm glad you won't be driving drunk anymore either

D

susanlauren

Cee,
If you are reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I would encourage you to read from the beginning of the book (including all the roman numeral pages). There is some really important information, especially in the Doctor's Opinion, where it talks about allergy to alcohol and the phenomenon of craving.
Susan

CeeFarro

I really am grateful for all of the kind words and advice..I actually feel a twinge of hope for the first time in a long time..I am thinking about my alcoholism in a way that I haven't let myself before, possibly because I didn't want to really stop..But I do feel differently about it today and I am glad I found this forum..Baby steps..(I'm still scared sh*&tless)

Itchy

Cee,
As far as telling people, I found it really no issue, but I did get my wife, doc, and immediate family involved in the pre detox planning two weeks before I checked in as I was making sure nothing went South while I was gone.. It would be a bit hard to hide the fact that I was going to be gone for 7 days in hospital detox and then for 28 days of rehab after, which I chose not to complete after a couple of days there.

SR here was a major pillar in my recovery. I also used AA for the first three months, several counselors, and relied on my friends, drinking and not, for understanding.

In other words use everything you can, and make it because of that. I am convinced more folks would make it if they only built up both local face to face support as well as SR for daily information and the feedback of others in the same boat.

It is probably best not to go running out and shouting from the rooftops as I only included the key personnel in my life because I knew I would likely be a bit incoherent for a few weeks after.

Enlist all the help you can gather around you and you may be surprised at what you can do.

Stay well!

wellwisher

Hi Cee:

Don't be frightened!

Try to replace that feeling with HOPE and a belief that sobriety is possible; because it is.

There are many here that can attest to that, and many who will walk the path alongside you.

Welcome.

Abbzi

Cee

I can totally relate

".I want to feel like I am worth having a good life..so here I am"

For me while I drink, it totally sucks all that feeling out of me..makes me feel I have no self worth.. thats B/s for me...I agree with others.. get as much support as u can from anyone in early days...

but I also cling to the saying Easy does it....just get through the day hun.. and the hows and whys will fall in later

instant

hi Cee
There is a way forward- you will feel so much better.

Now I look back 37 days ago. I wonder what was worse, the way I felt physically or the fact that I felt like a fraud

welcome to the club

SSIL75

That was the toughest part of quitting for me. I really got a lot out of Rational Recovery's AVRT technique (you can google). It helped me to identify which thoughts were real and which were the alcoholic.

Welcome and good luck!

Tuesday24

I also could have written your story. I know how you feel. Know that you are not alone in this. Keep coming back to SR, it is a great supportive community. I have 3 days in now. I haven't had 3 days in almost 8 years. I am learning to have hope. Something I never even knew existed for me. Good Luck