Feeling Hopeless
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by CeeFarro 
I really am grateful for all of the kind words and advice..I actually feel a twinge of hope for the first time in a long time..I am thinking about my alcoholism in a way that I haven't let myself before, possibly because I didn't want to really stop..But I do feel differently about it today and I am glad I found this forum..Baby steps..(I'm still scared sh*&tless)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I just reread what I posted yesterday and I can't believe how honest I was being..I haven't told anyone any of that stuff..I feel very grateful that something inside of me was able to do that..I have tears in my eyes right now and looking forward to day 2..
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: somewhere PA
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Adisa1101
i think thats a good start. i drank last night after months of staying sober. i know the depression and guilt that it brings. and somehow ive managed to make the same mistakes way more than twice. but i agree with you. i want to feel that i have worth. that i deserve good things. im learning that drinking will never bring me them. hang in there. youre in good company.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: somewhere PA
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by RegretfulDrunk
I too was sober for a long time but relatively recently started going to bars for lunch. I don't eat with anyone else at work, so have been sitting sort of anonymously alone in bars getting buzzed. Last week I went to an afternoon meeting drunk and made an ass out of myself. My boss was obviously disturbed by my behavior, and has mentioned it since, but stops shy of asking me if I was under the influence. Just is "everything is alright" etc. I f*cking hate myself right now. I have not drank during lunch for the last two days which is a start. If I don't stop I will get fired and have 2 kids. Yikes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I know how you feel..I never "intend" to get out of control, but it almost always happens.Then the remorse and guilt come in. It is a horrible feeling. I feel like alcohol is stronger than I am, that there is no hope.. and making future plans is futile because I cannot trust myself..Several people have told me they are worried about me and I have just became defensive and retreated more..Today I feel the only hope that I have to be try and be as honest with myself and others about everything..I cannot lie to myself anymore and there is no way in hell that I can ever drink normally..believe me I have tried..
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mountains of W.N.C.
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by CeeFarro
I cannot lie to myself anymore and there is no way in hell that I can ever drink normally..believe me I have tried..
In many ways that was the most difficult issue I had admitting to myself.
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