Has Any Alcoholic relapsed and became a Normal Drinker Again?
polyaddicted cocanut
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Dixie
Posts: 781
interesting thought... not trying to hijack this thread but I was wondering; the alcoholic can't stop after a drink... well I'm a drug addict, never did much drinking.... could I control my drinking? like someone above said though, I think the fact that it concerns me is enough for me to realize that I'm not normal... the person who can control it could careless... I on the other hand tend to obsess... thoughts like "why can't I drink?".. "I wish I could drink...." the non addicted person probably isn't concerned about whether or not they can drink...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Most of us have already complicated ourselves by drinking. When I quit, I was a total mess inside, even though I still had the job, the car, the house, the credit rating, the absence of criminal history (not even a dui). I felt desperate, unable to take care of myself or anything else. My life was, in a word, unmanageable.
You don't just decide to quit drinking and *poof* everything is as it should be. Even if you never pick up another drink, it takes time, and work, to get yourself back the way you should be. Most of us used drinking as a way to compensate for what we would rather not deal with--social anxiety, depression, worry, stress. So if you just take away the booze, you also have taken away what made us feel like we could function without going crazy. Gotta get something in your life to take the place of what booze did for you.
THAT'S why it's complicated. But it's also simple, if you have the right tools. AA's program can give you those tools. There are other ways to recover for some people to recover, but AA does work.
You don't just decide to quit drinking and *poof* everything is as it should be. Even if you never pick up another drink, it takes time, and work, to get yourself back the way you should be. Most of us used drinking as a way to compensate for what we would rather not deal with--social anxiety, depression, worry, stress. So if you just take away the booze, you also have taken away what made us feel like we could function without going crazy. Gotta get something in your life to take the place of what booze did for you.
THAT'S why it's complicated. But it's also simple, if you have the right tools. AA's program can give you those tools. There are other ways to recover for some people to recover, but AA does work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Germany, Berlin
Posts: 54
Hey Snakes37,
I am sure some odd person out there has relapsed and ended up being a "moderate" drinker. I however don't think it's worth trying it out as chances seem rather slim that you or I manage to do the same. I know how tempting it is though, I've had the same thought over and over again in the past and I often gave in. I don't know how many times I have "quit" for some days (usually three, not sure why I often ended up giving in after three days...) and relapsed hoping it'll be different... It has never been all that different.
I like that! For me, the doubts and problems come up when I think about the "what if" and "when" for various situations in the future. As long as I keep it simple with "I just don't drink alcohol anymore and I'll deal with everything else as it happens", it definitely takes the me out of stupid loops of thoughts. It's still early days for me, so I am trying not to overwhelm myself.
I am sure some odd person out there has relapsed and ended up being a "moderate" drinker. I however don't think it's worth trying it out as chances seem rather slim that you or I manage to do the same. I know how tempting it is though, I've had the same thought over and over again in the past and I often gave in. I don't know how many times I have "quit" for some days (usually three, not sure why I often ended up giving in after three days...) and relapsed hoping it'll be different... It has never been all that different.
Originally Posted by GettingStronger2 
It isn't. We complicate it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southeast Arizona
Posts: 31
Snakes37, here is my experience. I quit drinking a long time ago and was a teetotaler for over thirty years. About two years ago, I started having thoughts similar to yours and ultimately started drinking again but only two drinks of wine a day and not every day. It soon escalated into drinking every day, then to three drinks a day, then four and then almost a whole bottle a day. I quit again ten days ago.
I pride myself on having quite a bit of will power, I quit smoking cold-turkey and never again touched tobacco. But, against alcohol, I don't seem to have any will power at all. If I drink anything, alcohol controls my behavior; I don't seem to be able to. For me, the only way is complete, lifelong abstinence.
I pride myself on having quite a bit of will power, I quit smoking cold-turkey and never again touched tobacco. But, against alcohol, I don't seem to have any will power at all. If I drink anything, alcohol controls my behavior; I don't seem to be able to. For me, the only way is complete, lifelong abstinence.
polyaddicted cocanut
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Dixie
Posts: 781
I remember my sponsor telling me that it's every alcoholic/addict's obsession/dream that one day they will be able to drink "normally" again; the cold truth is that the alcoholic or addict may soon think they have it beat and give it another go, only to find themselves back where they were
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
A group of people who successfully recovered from alcoholism made the following observation from their own experience and the experience of those around them. They also made the observation that "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
They might be wrong. Then again, having these thoughts after a few months of not drinking, might just make you one of the 'many'. The first pages of Chapter 3 contains these observations if you're interested.
They might be wrong. Then again, having these thoughts after a few months of not drinking, might just make you one of the 'many'. The first pages of Chapter 3 contains these observations if you're interested.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.
By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.
By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
I quit drinking for a year and a half and then CONVINCED myself that I could become a "normal" social drinker.
It started out with a couple of good nights.....or what I thought were good night. Needless to say it didn't work out.
But here is what I realized when I was trying to be "normal".....
1. I went out MORE often, because going out was now an excuse to drink socially.
2. I kept trying to sip slowly so as not to drink too fast.
3. I would try to match other people beer for beer so as not to seem like I was drinking more ("Are they going for another beer? Okay, I can finally go grab another beer.)
4. I ended up standing around with an empty beer in my hands anxiously waiting for other people to finish theirs so I could appear "normal" and grab another.
5. I would offer to buy other people's drinks so that I had an excuse to go back over to the bar.
5. How I was doing and how I was behaving consumed my every thought.
6. When it was time to leave, I always felt unsatisfied.
Now is that REALLY a good night?!?!?
I couldn't just relax. Trying to drink "normally" was taking so much effort. People who do not have an issue with alcohol do not think about the same things I did when I was out. They go out, have a few drinks, be social.....their experience revolves around the social setting, NOT the alcohol. It's the opposite for alcoholics and always will be.
If you have to put that much thought into drinking, it's not fun anyway.
It started out with a couple of good nights.....or what I thought were good night. Needless to say it didn't work out.
But here is what I realized when I was trying to be "normal".....
1. I went out MORE often, because going out was now an excuse to drink socially.
2. I kept trying to sip slowly so as not to drink too fast.
3. I would try to match other people beer for beer so as not to seem like I was drinking more ("Are they going for another beer? Okay, I can finally go grab another beer.)
4. I ended up standing around with an empty beer in my hands anxiously waiting for other people to finish theirs so I could appear "normal" and grab another.
5. I would offer to buy other people's drinks so that I had an excuse to go back over to the bar.
5. How I was doing and how I was behaving consumed my every thought.
6. When it was time to leave, I always felt unsatisfied.
Now is that REALLY a good night?!?!?
I couldn't just relax. Trying to drink "normally" was taking so much effort. People who do not have an issue with alcohol do not think about the same things I did when I was out. They go out, have a few drinks, be social.....their experience revolves around the social setting, NOT the alcohol. It's the opposite for alcoholics and always will be.
If you have to put that much thought into drinking, it's not fun anyway.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 111
Snakes, are you doing a twelve-step program? I keep hearing about how people are "dry" as opposed to "sober" - if we are truly "sober" and in touch with spirituality, we can be happy in sobriety. If we are just not drinking ("dry") and not doing work on ourselves, we will likely be miserable. I'm 30, and I have the moderate-drinking dream too at times... but when I really delve into it and get honest with myself... what I really want is to be able to get DRUNK occasionally. That's not moderate drinking... sure 7 drinks a week is moderate, but not if they are all in one day.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic... but at 23, you've likely not had many of the health consequences, and maybe legal consequences, that a 50 year old alcoholic has. Why put ourselves through those things? Any older alcoholic would say it's not worth it to keep testing yourself. Not drinking is not the end of a social life... it's just a change. Just my two cents.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic... but at 23, you've likely not had many of the health consequences, and maybe legal consequences, that a 50 year old alcoholic has. Why put ourselves through those things? Any older alcoholic would say it's not worth it to keep testing yourself. Not drinking is not the end of a social life... it's just a change. Just my two cents.
Last edited by theatredork; 06-15-2011 at 08:25 AM. Reason: added in a little
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by Snakes37
wow, why does alcoholism and being an alcoholic have to be so freakin complicated?!?!??!
Like so many others, I also tried to go back to "normal" drinking. It even worked for a week or two but I inevitably went back to buying that bottle of vodka on my way home and hiding it so I could look normal while sneaking my buzz shots. I also ended up drinking more. Guess I felt like I had to make up for lost time! So sad and insane.
I wonder why it is so important to us to be able to drink normally? Honestly, is 2 drinks a day really so important? If I'm honest with myself, I know it isn't 2 drinks a day that I'm after....it's the buzz or the escape that requires many more than 2 so moderation isn't really appealing to me. That is a scary fact to realize. I probably need to focus more on why the buzz or escape is so imporant and deal with that.
Just my $0.02 worth. All the best to you.
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by Happier
I wonder why it is so important to us to be able to drink normally? Honestly, is 2 drinks a day really so important? If I'm honest with myself, I know it isn't 2 drinks a day that I'm after....it's the buzz or the escape that requires many more than 2 so moderation isn't really appealing to me. That is a scary fact to realize. I probably need to focus more on why the buzz or escape is so imporant and deal with that.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Snakes...thanks for this thread; it's been very helpful to me. For the last 25 or more years, I have consistently struggled with that question, and failed the test each time. I originally stopped in rehab at age 23. It lasted a year and a half. I was in college, a party school, and it was lonely. But, I have the most memories of those years, and I became a genuine person. Then, I started pot again, and that led to drinking, and all the rest. I've "quit" for at least 30 days, and when I started again, often had a couple weeks of controlled drinking, only to end up where I started, or worse. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. Then, I began giving it up as my Lenten sacrifice. I last did this this past Lent, and only lasted 30 days; Lent is usually 40 or more days. I am now up to half a fifth, a bottle of wine or two and/or a few beers a day. My life is a mess again, and I am failing myself and all around me. How could a sane person play this rollercoaster game for over half of their life? I only wish I knew. I now have a very stressed relationship with my family, have earned almost nothing this year, but by some miracle, have not lost it all; but, I have lost all my self respect, and am now stuck in selfish loathing, and sometimes feel that death would be superior to this miserable existence I keep creating for myself. Sober, I am a bright, witty, positive, energetic, and intelligent guy. But I am not sober. Right now, I am a miserable POS. The business I've spent 5 years developing myself for is failing, and I seem to be unemployable. At your age, I beg you not to be on the treadmill I've hopped on. Say goodbye to alcohol and embrace life. I can't tell you how I regret my last 25 years, including today. Today is my bottom. I had two final interviews with two different companies in the last weeks and found out Friday and today that I didn't get either of them. Had them in the bag, I thought. I'm 48. Not sure how many guys my age, with my history are employable, but I'm not among them.
My ONLY hope in life is to stop today. I have not had a drink, and I don't plan to. This is it. If not, I am far too close to providing for my family with my life insurance benefit. Snakes, don't reach my level of despair to make the right choice. Choose life.
My ONLY hope in life is to stop today. I have not had a drink, and I don't plan to. This is it. If not, I am far too close to providing for my family with my life insurance benefit. Snakes, don't reach my level of despair to make the right choice. Choose life.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 58
Snakes: Also look up "Kindling in Alcohol Withdrawal" (NIH website). This article was one of the main ones (As well as the book Under the Influence - thank you SR community!) that scared me from going back to attempting to drink "normally."
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