Vesna

Citylights, you mentioned in another thread that you might have to put down your beloved 21-year-old kitty today. I didn't want to hijack that thread, but I wanted to express my deepest sympathies if you did in fact have to do that. I had a 20-year-old kitty with cancer that had to be put down a few years back, along with a 16-year-old dog with severe arthritis more recently.

These two experiences were among the most wrenching of my life, and I drank my heaviest after my dog's death, switching from wine to hard liquor briefly. Please don't do this...it didn't help at all and in fact made it worse. I still get very emotional thinking about that time, but it does get better. Pets are our family members, especially when they have been with us so long, and you need to allow yourself time to grieve and mourn. Be kind to yourself.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and I hope that if you did have to put the kitty down, I hope you are ok.

qpapq

I just wanted to echo Vesna's words, I have been looking out for you today..

I hope that you got the news you wanted today, and that what ever the outcome is you find the strength to deal with it in a positive way.

I know you dont know me, but as I said before, I am here if you need me

*hugs*

Hevyn

My thoughts are with you, too CityLights.

qpapq

Hey City,
Just checking in on you Hun' I know that today is going to be rough, and I just wanted you to know that I got your back..

When your ready, maybe not today.. I have a link you might like, following your vet visit..

Rainbows Bridge Poem

Take care of yourself..
Be Well.

Belle. XX

citylights

I just saw this post now, how incredibly kind of you Vesna, Canter, and Hevyn. I feel your support and it's helping me through this.

I slept with the poor little guy next to me (he couldn't move any more anyway) and was up most of the night just being with him, and then this morning took him in a cab to the vet. And he dies in my arms on the way to the vet--he just slipped away. I think he knew where he wanted to be when he died. And it was entirely peaceful. I've been with him for so long, and I have this constant dialogue with him in my home that it seems to dead without him. But I had a plan for not drinking and went with a friend and made it home.

But now I have to go to Chicago where my dad has been put back into the ICU with severe DT's and withdrawal. This disease is absolutely deadly, and horrible in every way, and I am just praying that he makes it through this stage, which is life threatening. He's getting a lot of treatment at a good hospital.

I can assure you of one thing--I will not drink today. I will cry and be sad and angry and post a lot, but I'm not going to drink.

Love and hugs to you for reaching out.

1undone

Hope your dad gets through that hell. This is surely a family disease! Sorry about your kitty! I love my animals and I know how it feels.

citylights

Thanks iundone.

And Vespa, I didn't send along how much it means to me that you told me about your post animal companion drinking because i know the danger there, especially since I live alone--the perfect storm for the kind of drinking I like. But I also trust you that it makes everything worse and doesn't let you feel the grief in a real way. I am so glad that I was not hungover or drunk when he was with me, that we got to spend some sober time together. And I am glad that I can see my dad without any alcohol in my system and deal with it head onl.

And Canter, how are u, been thinking about you too, hug

Smile123

Citylights,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dee74

Thinking of you too citylights

D

Opivotal

Citylights...my thoughts and prayers are with you! I know what its like to lose your beloved friend. I had to put my Jip down from cancer. I spent the night much like yours. Just spent his last moments telling him what a blessing he was in my life.

Please take care of yourself and I'm praying for your Dad's recovery as well.


Best Wishes To You! :ghug3

Vesna

Citylights, your strength has helped me tonight more than you can know...I was in a shaky/dangerous place today emotionally. For the first time in 60+ days I was really thinking about drinking...but I read your post, and knowing what you are going through and that you're strong enough to do it without alcohol...I too can stay sober to deal with my issues that seem so tiny in comparison. Thank you. Saying a prayer for your dad. ****{Hugs.}}}

citylights

Thanks to everyone who held my hand through this today--Hevyn, 3steeds, Cocabella, opivotal, Vesna, Dee, 1undone, and of course Cantor.

I am so honored that my story had some resonance with you Vesna--especially because I am so new!It's odd, but I felt that my cat really did get to say goodbye and was talking to me and telling me that everything was going to be OK. And I have a feeling that, with the love you have had for your animal family members was honored and celebrated, nothing to drink about, but certainly something to feel sad about.

On the Dad front, it is very bad, I have never seen someone in the throes of deadly DT's and is is very sad and frightening. This is not the person I grew up with, this is an entirely different person who barely recognizes me. It was so hard to spend time with him and see what this disease does to people. I have had to hold it together for my family, but I have to say, a few more days of this is going to be really hard. Can I ask for some help?

Impurrfect

(((Citylights))) - I'm so sorry about your cat, but it sounds as if he was peaceful and knew he was in the arms that loved him.

I'm also sorry for what you're going through with your dad. Any time I've gone through something really tough, I depend on SR and the friend's I've made here. I've had quite a bit go on, in recovery, but have never found a time when someone wasn't hear to hold my hand, or say something I needed to hear.

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers,

Amy

citylights

Thank you impurffect (one of the great handles). I am with you, I am throwing myself into the arms of SR right--and I have to say, the generosity and selflessness of the posts and willingness to help has been so helpful.

I'll let you know guys know if my dad comes through the night OK--weird that we're detoxing at exactly the same time, but I don't ever want to get to that scary point, where it really is truly life and death.

But on a lighter note, you guys are amazing and I think you so much, hug, City

newwings

Citylights..your bravery and courage astounds me. You sound such an incredibly grounded person, and despite some really, really tough things going on for you right now, just unbelievably calm. Inspirational.

I don't have many words to express how much your posts have moved me, so I am sending you a big hug ((((( )))))

citylights

Thanks so much for writing newwings--I so appreciate it. And I need the big hug! It's been some week, but for whatever reason, it's all happening now, while I am detoxing and getting sober and learning to deal with things without alcohol. It's hard being in the house where I learned to drink, but then again, look at what it leads to. So many emotions--I don't know if I am as calm as you think! But I am calm during a storm because it takes me out of myself--the disease of alcoholism is so self centered, so if I am thinking about you, I am not thinking about myself, which in its own way has been a relief.

I swear I am going to post something fun and light soon Hugs and love to all who have reached out.

1undone

I seriously hope you have some time to take a walk and take care of yourself. This isn't the same but my dad recently had major surgery and he was out of his mind. He thought people were in our yard, etc. While in his hospital bed and kept calling for me.... It's not easy seeing a once strong care taker/parent in another world and in so much pain and anguish. I have no idea how old your dad is but for some reason seeing a grown man (dad) in such bad shape is really hard to deal with. I guess for me I'm still in that old school of thinking the dad is the strong one and you never see them cry or break. No matter how old I get I have a hard time seeing my dad vulnerable. My heart goes out to you City. HUGS!

citylights

Hi 1undone--today is Day Three, and I definitely need some time to myself. It's beautiful here--a beach across the street, I am able to walk downtown, and I will take advantage of the beautiful day in between hospital visits.

I am sorry about your dad, and how hard it has been. Yes, it it painful when your father doesn't recognize you or is hallucinating. Shows you how illness is illness, whether cancer or alcoholism--they are both deadly if not treated. And yes, to see you father reverted back to a small child, so painful, but we'll get through it together. HUG, City