Day 30, and I start classes today
polyaddicted cocanut
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Dixie
Posts: 781
Day 30, and I start classes today
Hello everyone, I'm just on here to sort of "tell on myself" and get these thoughts out of my head. I'm starting summer classes at tech today (30 days clean!) after dropping out at the beginning of last semester to go to treatment. My morning ritual (when I went to school) always consisted of waking up, smoking some pot, eating some benzos, doing a line, and then grabbing my morning cigarette with coffee. This morning when I woke up I was subconsciously looking for my morning "pick me up" without even thinking about it. No big deal, everyone gets cravings. I then went and smoked my cigarette and just felt like I was "missing something", and started romanticizing how good that cigarette used to be after using my DOC. Well, here I am, just putting that out there because if I left it in my head it would drive me crazy, I already feel so much better just writing it out and realizing it's normal and that I don't have to use over it. I also have to remind myself that my morning drug use was only a trap, and most of the time when it came time for me to actually leave and go to class I'd just skip so I could continue using without having to come down (funny how that works).
So here I am going back to school, and the important thing is that I'm not using, because when I did use, I didn't give a **** about anything else, and my grades reflected that. I relapsed 30 days ago and it all started with me entertaining the thoughts like the ones I had this morning instead of diverting my mind and using those mental defenses like "playing the tape" and what-not.
This time I'm doing better at avoiding my triggers (music is a big one for me, I ended up deleting half my iPod this time) but sometimes just being in my own skin is a trigger haha. Anyways thanks for letting me share, like I said it just helps me to get this out there.
So here I am going back to school, and the important thing is that I'm not using, because when I did use, I didn't give a **** about anything else, and my grades reflected that. I relapsed 30 days ago and it all started with me entertaining the thoughts like the ones I had this morning instead of diverting my mind and using those mental defenses like "playing the tape" and what-not.
This time I'm doing better at avoiding my triggers (music is a big one for me, I ended up deleting half my iPod this time) but sometimes just being in my own skin is a trigger haha. Anyways thanks for letting me share, like I said it just helps me to get this out there.
Sobriety date April 19th 2011
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Salem, VA
Posts: 157
congrats on the 30 days and going back to school !
Double grats on resisting that temptation of morning ritual in the mornings. Perhaps you can find a new morning ritual to do during the same time frame ?
Double grats on resisting that temptation of morning ritual in the mornings. Perhaps you can find a new morning ritual to do during the same time frame ?
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Way to go on your 30 days and welcome to the forum! Once you get a new routine going, it will be easier. It's always hard the first time we do something sober that we used to do while drinking/using.
When you're feeing an urge, just jump on here and talk about it - as you've already found out, it really helps! Good luck in class!!
When you're feeing an urge, just jump on here and talk about it - as you've already found out, it really helps! Good luck in class!!
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