Facade
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 8
Facade
Hey,
Hi am Lila and completely new to support forums and particularly ever having talk about my drinking so sorry if am not doing this right. For the past three years i have depended on alcohol more and more without even realizing it at first until i started waking up and all i could think about was it too soon to have a drink, every single day. No one knows, i hide away from the world when i can, i feel done with people and done with being hurt so i hide.
I don't even know how to stop this or were to turn to i don't even think i could talk to someone in real life anymore without a drink in my system. I occasionally self harm as well, just to get by. But i don't want to feel this way anymore, i don't want this to be it for me this isn't how i dreamt my life, its killing me. I just feel so lost, confused, unlovable and alone. With alcohol i can be anyone inside my head, but i don't want to live inside my head anymore, i don't want to be afraid to leave the house and i don't want to panic if i don't have a drink on stand by.
I want to quit and find a way to be happy i deal with things i have refused to for three years. Am just looking for a friend really, someone to talk too someone that understands and doesn't think am the most pathetic person ever to walk the planet. I really need to know i still have a chance because i feel like the walls are closing in.
Lila x
Hi am Lila and completely new to support forums and particularly ever having talk about my drinking so sorry if am not doing this right. For the past three years i have depended on alcohol more and more without even realizing it at first until i started waking up and all i could think about was it too soon to have a drink, every single day. No one knows, i hide away from the world when i can, i feel done with people and done with being hurt so i hide.
I don't even know how to stop this or were to turn to i don't even think i could talk to someone in real life anymore without a drink in my system. I occasionally self harm as well, just to get by. But i don't want to feel this way anymore, i don't want this to be it for me this isn't how i dreamt my life, its killing me. I just feel so lost, confused, unlovable and alone. With alcohol i can be anyone inside my head, but i don't want to live inside my head anymore, i don't want to be afraid to leave the house and i don't want to panic if i don't have a drink on stand by.
I want to quit and find a way to be happy i deal with things i have refused to for three years. Am just looking for a friend really, someone to talk too someone that understands and doesn't think am the most pathetic person ever to walk the planet. I really need to know i still have a chance because i feel like the walls are closing in.
Lila x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
Welcome xLilax,
You are certainly not alone, there is a whole group of people on Sober Recovery who have felt the same way a one point or another. I'm glad you found us, there is lots of great information and support available here.
You are certainly not alone, there is a whole group of people on Sober Recovery who have felt the same way a one point or another. I'm glad you found us, there is lots of great information and support available here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
Welcome!
You have found a place where there is support and understanding.
Alcohol robs us of everything, including contact with other people, so we do understand how hard this is.
You have found a place where there is support and understanding.
Alcohol robs us of everything, including contact with other people, so we do understand how hard this is.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
New to this too.
I feel for you! I need a friend too! I feel so demoralized and stupid. You must have serious anxiety issues. I do. I have Panic disorder and I think I've been self medicating with alcohol. I'm going to my first meeting tonight so I'm am pretty freaked out but I have to. It's that or die. I also have to do this for my son and husband. It's like every time I go to the doctor I have more and more medical issues. I hope you find the courage to help yourself you're worth it. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,633
Lila - you are certainly not alone. I felt the same way once. I drank my entire adult life, and what started out as a way to overcome shyness almost killed me in the end. I was drinking around the clock, and it was never enough.
When I joined SR I felt a huge relief right away. The burden I'd been carrying began to leave me - there were others who understood exactly how I felt! I didn't have that in my life. I know you feel isolated now, but as you get well and the fog clears, you'll become stronger and find your way back into life. Be kind to yourself and reach for that new day, filled with hope. Welcome to SR.
(Hello to you, too, 1undone - glad you found us)
When I joined SR I felt a huge relief right away. The burden I'd been carrying began to leave me - there were others who understood exactly how I felt! I didn't have that in my life. I know you feel isolated now, but as you get well and the fog clears, you'll become stronger and find your way back into life. Be kind to yourself and reach for that new day, filled with hope. Welcome to SR.
(Hello to you, too, 1undone - glad you found us)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 8
Hi,
Thanks for your kind replies, it really means a lot to be welcomed in such a short time, i actually convinced myself no one would bother reply or would all look at at it tell me am pathetic and ask me to leave.
1undone, i do have some major anxiety issues making it increasingly difficult to leave my house because of this most of my relationships with friends and family have broke down and working has become very difficult. I didn't want this but i realize a lot of what has happened now i did to myself because i never dealt with things, with painful feelings and memories, i hid behind alcohol and pretended to the world and me i was ok.If you ever need someone to talk to message me and maybe we can help each other?
And thank you Hevyn am glad your doing a lot better it takes a strong person to manage that.
Thanks
Lila x
Thanks for your kind replies, it really means a lot to be welcomed in such a short time, i actually convinced myself no one would bother reply or would all look at at it tell me am pathetic and ask me to leave.
1undone, i do have some major anxiety issues making it increasingly difficult to leave my house because of this most of my relationships with friends and family have broke down and working has become very difficult. I didn't want this but i realize a lot of what has happened now i did to myself because i never dealt with things, with painful feelings and memories, i hid behind alcohol and pretended to the world and me i was ok.If you ever need someone to talk to message me and maybe we can help each other?
And thank you Hevyn am glad your doing a lot better it takes a strong person to manage that.
Thanks
Lila x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I was surprised at the support here too. But I am learning that it is helping each other that really counts. So say online and talk to people. Things get better. And there are people here who really understand all of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi and welcome to SR, Lila.
This group has really helped change my life. You are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Lots of us have been where you are, and have found a way out. Hope you get as much out of these forums as I do.
This group has really helped change my life. You are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Lots of us have been where you are, and have found a way out. Hope you get as much out of these forums as I do.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Lila! I used alcohol to cope with depression and anxiety - everything, really. It stopped working, though, and created even more mental and emotional issues. I was very surprised when I first got sober to find that my ability to handle things really improved, as did my image of myself.
I hope you stick around and keep reading/posting. Lots of good folks here!:ghug3
I hope you stick around and keep reading/posting. Lots of good folks here!:ghug3
..Welcome
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Welcome L.
We all understand. There is so much wisdom with the experience here from people I have emailed and read.
Im only pretty new myself and hope that you hang around . Build some forum type relationships. It is quite cool really .
All the best to you
L
We all understand. There is so much wisdom with the experience here from people I have emailed and read.
Im only pretty new myself and hope that you hang around . Build some forum type relationships. It is quite cool really .
All the best to you
L
SoberDreams
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 42
Lila, every good drunk with anxiety problems has been where you are. Get sober and rational thinking should return. If not you may need some anti anxiety meds. My psychiatrist prescribed me a couple when I got sober. Made me a zombi for a while, but I could at least function without thinking everyone was out to get me...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 8
i am trying to do sober minute by minute, i just feel so overwhelmed i just want to dissapear from the world for a while, whilst i work this through. i just feel crushed under so many things.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Lila, sorry to hear your feeling so down right now but the alcohol will only make things much worse. Whenever you drink alcohol you get an initial sedative effect which quickly wears off then your brain goes into a state of hypervigilance. Anxiety, racing thoughts, depression, all of that will only get worse.
Don't be fooled by the brief period of relief that alcohol provides because it all gets thrown into reverse as soon as it wears off. Believe me from my own experience, the alcohol merry-go-round is a ride you don't want to get on.
Sure while your drunk you can go inside your head like you said but that's the grand delusion of alcohol. It lures you into it's web then delivers nothing but misery.
See a Doctor, anxiety and depression are very common problems, those things can be treated. Stay strong Lila, I know that anxiety and depression are hard to deal with but alcohol is not the answer.
Don't be fooled by the brief period of relief that alcohol provides because it all gets thrown into reverse as soon as it wears off. Believe me from my own experience, the alcohol merry-go-round is a ride you don't want to get on.
Sure while your drunk you can go inside your head like you said but that's the grand delusion of alcohol. It lures you into it's web then delivers nothing but misery.
See a Doctor, anxiety and depression are very common problems, those things can be treated. Stay strong Lila, I know that anxiety and depression are hard to deal with but alcohol is not the answer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Welcome to SR. I am only on day 6 after relapsing but def can relate with never dealing with things. I used alcohol all day everyday in order to numb myself and not have to deal and after relapsing I can def say any day sober is better then locking myself in my room drinking by myself.
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