Nervous First-Timer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Nervous First-Timer
I am new here and really nervous about committing to quit drinking. I have had a problem with alcohol since I was a thirteen and am now about to turn 32. I have been trying to quit on my own for a couple of years now....obviously not working. Anyway, I feel nervous like I am breaking up with someone. Like, how will I live without it? I want to quit and be healthy so bad but when I think of not being able to drink it freaks me out. Literally, makes me feel like coming out of my skin. Anyway, I am not really great at asking for help but thought that if maybe anyone else has had or if currently having this same problem, maybe I would feel more normal....cause it doesn't feel normal. Thanks for listening. 
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by whatchagonnado 
I have been trying to quit on my own for a couple of years now....obviously not working. Anyway, I feel nervous like I am breaking up with someone. Like, how will I live without it? I want to quit and be healthy so bad but when I think of not being able to drink it freaks me out. Literally, makes me feel like coming out of my skin.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 85
I know what you are saying. I also had NO IDEA what I would do with my life if I wasn't drinking. I literally felt empty when considering giving it up. I was terrified of that empty feeling. I was at a complete loss.
Amazingly, the longer I was sober, the more came into my life. I am absolutely astounded how much has happened, how much I have gained in the eight months I have been sober. It is literally like magic. Just to give you a heads up: there are brilliant things that happen. Sometimes they seem small, but you will know them as blessings.
It is also really hard. You have to learn, slowly, to be a new person. You need the support of others. You need to completely surrender to the idea that you are powerless over alcohol: that alcohol has won. But it is not giving up. As you surrender, you change; and as you change, the world around you changes too. Seriously, you will be amazed. Give it a try. Give 90 days a try. Pay attention. Take it one day at a time. And be open to receive the magic of it.
Amazingly, the longer I was sober, the more came into my life. I am absolutely astounded how much has happened, how much I have gained in the eight months I have been sober. It is literally like magic. Just to give you a heads up: there are brilliant things that happen. Sometimes they seem small, but you will know them as blessings.
It is also really hard. You have to learn, slowly, to be a new person. You need the support of others. You need to completely surrender to the idea that you are powerless over alcohol: that alcohol has won. But it is not giving up. As you surrender, you change; and as you change, the world around you changes too. Seriously, you will be amazed. Give it a try. Give 90 days a try. Pay attention. Take it one day at a time. And be open to receive the magic of it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
What you're feeling is totally normal. I think most of us had those fears prior to quitting. What will I do at parties? What will I do during holidays? What about stressful days? What if my friends pressure me to drink? And on and on and on...
For me, the easiest way to get around that was to focus on the small picture, like not drinking for one day, and giving myself enough time without alcohol to see how that affected my life. No big long-term commitments, just focusing on not drinking for the moment. It helped me a lot.
One last thing regarding the breakup: in my early days here I read something along the lines of, "if you had a friend who made you feel like crap, stole your money, and encouraged you to do stupid things, would you hang out with them for very long?"
Good luck, if you really want to quit you can do it and the board is a great resource. Welcome.
For me, the easiest way to get around that was to focus on the small picture, like not drinking for one day, and giving myself enough time without alcohol to see how that affected my life. No big long-term commitments, just focusing on not drinking for the moment. It helped me a lot.
One last thing regarding the breakup: in my early days here I read something along the lines of, "if you had a friend who made you feel like crap, stole your money, and encouraged you to do stupid things, would you hang out with them for very long?"
Good luck, if you really want to quit you can do it and the board is a great resource. Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Awesome, thanks a lot. I wasn't always a drinker, so I know there is life without it, it was just so long ago that it was like something I watched on TV or something. Anyway, I do feel hopeful. Thanks everyone.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I can totally relate. It's like losing a friend—a friend who came over to listen to music with me, watch a movie, help me wash the car, mop the floors, even tuck me in and read me bedtime stories at night, lol.
And it was terrifying to contemplate quitting. But you know what—that friend was no friend. It was all a lie. I don't need him at all. It took a while to adjust, but music sounds better than ever, movies are just as entertaining, and the chores get done faster. Sleeping normally took a bit longer, but now I sleep like a baby, and wake up feeling great.
This site has been an enormous help for me. My first couple weeks I was on here 24/7, reading inspirational stories and sad ones alike.
It isn't easy to quit, but it is so worth it.
And it was terrifying to contemplate quitting. But you know what—that friend was no friend. It was all a lie. I don't need him at all. It took a while to adjust, but music sounds better than ever, movies are just as entertaining, and the chores get done faster. Sleeping normally took a bit longer, but now I sleep like a baby, and wake up feeling great.
This site has been an enormous help for me. My first couple weeks I was on here 24/7, reading inspirational stories and sad ones alike.
It isn't easy to quit, but it is so worth it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome whatchagonnado
it's very normal to feel that way - I drank for 20 years - I did everything with a drink, and drinking did everything for me - I used to calm me down, pep me up, to sleep, to wake up, to try and make me happy, try and stop me being stressed or angry...the list was endless.
Even tho I ended up hating my drinking, it was very scary to think of a life without it.
The support I found here was invaluable - and the life I have - 4 years on- is the one I used to dream about.
I'm free now, and that's still an amazing feeling
Do give it a try - you're not alone
D
it's very normal to feel that way - I drank for 20 years - I did everything with a drink, and drinking did everything for me - I used to calm me down, pep me up, to sleep, to wake up, to try and make me happy, try and stop me being stressed or angry...the list was endless.
Even tho I ended up hating my drinking, it was very scary to think of a life without it.
The support I found here was invaluable - and the life I have - 4 years on- is the one I used to dream about.
I'm free now, and that's still an amazing feeling
Do give it a try - you're not alone
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by whatchagonnado
I am new here and really nervous about committing to quit drinking...I feel nervous like I am breaking up with someone. Like, how will I live without it?
Might be worth a read.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Hi whatchagonnado and welcome to SR So glad to have you here.
Oh, how that is a VERY familiar feeling. As I've struggled with addiction for the past 11 years, it is all I have ever known - drugs and alcohol, not picky as I have switched from one thing to another, as long as it was a mind altering substance. Trying to escape reality...the pain/hate I've held inside my entire life is what led to me self medicating. Although towards the end of the past 11 years I despised my using. I hated myself and the person I was. I had never got to know myself without drugs/alcohol. Now is the time to finally begin to live life free of the vicious, destructive cycle of addiction. To be honest, I am NOT happy, in fact I am miserable...I am still in a state of deep, deep depression (as I have numerous mental disorders and chronic pain conditions that contribute to this) BUT I would be worse off using/drinking again. I hope to one day find that peace inside myself that I've searched and longed for my entire life. Being clean/sober is my very best chance at doing so
I'm sorry that I've rambled on here so much, I guess I needed to get that out, lol
I am new in my recovery myself and still struggle with the thought of never drinking..or using ever again. But if I were to continue down that same path I will die and not only will I lose my life, I will take myself away from my daughter and that is absolutely unacceptable and out of the question.
One day at a time, stay strong and stay true to yourself/your recovery. It has to get better from here on out, right? It seems like an impossible task at times but it's possible. We can and do recover!
Best of luck to you my friend, hope you stick around!
-Jess
So glad to have you here.Oh, how that is a VERY familiar feeling. As I've struggled with addiction for the past 11 years, it is all I have ever known - drugs and alcohol, not picky as I have switched from one thing to another, as long as it was a mind altering substance. Trying to escape reality...the pain/hate I've held inside my entire life is what led to me self medicating. Although towards the end of the past 11 years I despised my using. I hated myself and the person I was. I had never got to know myself without drugs/alcohol. Now is the time to finally begin to live life free of the vicious, destructive cycle of addiction. To be honest, I am NOT happy, in fact I am miserable...I am still in a state of deep, deep depression (as I have numerous mental disorders and chronic pain conditions that contribute to this) BUT I would be worse off using/drinking again. I hope to one day find that peace inside myself that I've searched and longed for my entire life. Being clean/sober is my very best chance at doing so
I'm sorry that I've rambled on here so much, I guess I needed to get that out, lol
I am new in my recovery myself and still struggle with the thought of never drinking..or using ever again. But if I were to continue down that same path I will die and not only will I lose my life, I will take myself away from my daughter and that is absolutely unacceptable and out of the question.
One day at a time, stay strong and stay true to yourself/your recovery. It has to get better from here on out, right? It seems like an impossible task at times but it's possible. We can and do recover!
Best of luck to you my friend, hope you stick around!
-Jess
Last edited by iliveforyou; 05-03-2011 at 02:01 PM. Reason: spelling mistake
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome! It really is scary to think about a life without alcohol. But thinking about never quitting (and just getting worse and worse) is pretty scary, too.
I'm going through the same fear right now with cigarettes....... it can almost feel like a panic attack coming on when I think about quitting. And maybe that is the problem: that we sit around and think about it, rather than just jumping in and trying.
Like ReadyandAble, I spent hours and hours on this site during the first days - none of us can do this on our own. You should give yourself a pat on the back - you admitted your problem and reached out for help. That's a big first step!
I'm going through the same fear right now with cigarettes....... it can almost feel like a panic attack coming on when I think about quitting. And maybe that is the problem: that we sit around and think about it, rather than just jumping in and trying.
Like ReadyandAble, I spent hours and hours on this site during the first days - none of us can do this on our own. You should give yourself a pat on the back - you admitted your problem and reached out for help. That's a big first step!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
I plan to go to AA and I see a therapist that specializes in addiction. I think my biggest problem in the past is thinking I can quit on my own and not tell anyone that I have a problem. I have also been being more honest about the extent of my problem to myself and the people closest to me. I have been so busy hiding it that I actually broke up with my fiance just so I could be alone to drink and he wouldn't be there to judge me or try and talk me out of it. Luckily, he still loves me and is a big source of support for me. I have tried medications to help me quit in the past and they made me really depressed or made me feel crazy. I have a lot of past trauma to deal with and getting sober is my first step to trying to work through all that and get to a place where I feel safe in my own skin. I am a very private person so getting on here is a huge step for me. And seeing how responsive and kind people are is really making me hopeful that I can do this and do it on my terms.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Somebody posted a quote the other day, which really struck a chord with me. I'm sorry, I can't remember who to credit for it, but it was SO good I wrote it down, and also sent it to a pal of mine who has just been diagnosed with Hep C and cirrhosis of the liver at the age of 38. She's a mom of two young boys, and she STILL won't quit. Well I STILL won't quit telling her she CAN quit, like me, and with me. Anyhow, sorry, I digress.
The quote was:
'If the thought of going without alcohol for the rest of your life makes you feel as if you're losing your best friend, then it is probably your worst enemy.'
Wow. That says it all. Good luck - glad you are here! Keep pushin' on, my friend.
The quote was:
'If the thought of going without alcohol for the rest of your life makes you feel as if you're losing your best friend, then it is probably your worst enemy.'
Wow. That says it all. Good luck - glad you are here! Keep pushin' on, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
Wow great thread and I sure relate in terms of how to handle situation and life without a drink....scary but a few good bouts of very discomforting withdrawal and yet again visiting the doc for meds ( she is non judgmental and really helpful actually) has reinforced life with it is hell so the only option is for life without it...and when I am clean I notice life is full of richness and reward that gets overlooked as I sneak away to the dark lair inside mewith the bottle...confined and trapped in its cold grip....very ugly place and I am powerless , totally and completely powerless over it
I am no tsure what your path might be but if you are an alcoholic , and only you can tell, that path can be devastating ...i am lucky , with help i did not lose it all but i lost enough to know those 4 horsemen await anytime I put that stuff in me Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair....
Just look at the next 24 or even the next minute , it all we have/might have ....its a big adjustment after all the years but the rewards can be just as big even just a few weeks or months off.
I couldn't rid myself of the trauma of my past by drowning it ....I doubt anyone can. Now I can face it , and remove its power over me , clean , sober. It can be a new life and source of strength ....sounds like you have a good plan in place. Isolation is the drinks friend , not yours so get help. I tried many times all my self will ...never lasted and wow , how draining...let go and surrender and get connected saved my life.
I am no tsure what your path might be but if you are an alcoholic , and only you can tell, that path can be devastating ...i am lucky , with help i did not lose it all but i lost enough to know those 4 horsemen await anytime I put that stuff in me Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair....
Just look at the next 24 or even the next minute , it all we have/might have ....its a big adjustment after all the years but the rewards can be just as big even just a few weeks or months off.
I couldn't rid myself of the trauma of my past by drowning it ....I doubt anyone can. Now I can face it , and remove its power over me , clean , sober. It can be a new life and source of strength ....sounds like you have a good plan in place. Isolation is the drinks friend , not yours so get help. I tried many times all my self will ...never lasted and wow , how draining...let go and surrender and get connected saved my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
I found a quote the other day from one of my favorite books, it really struck a chord with me since it was taken out of the context of the story and I was able to relate it to being new to recovery as well.
"At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves." -Fight Club, Chapter 6
I took it as alcohol distracted me from the lack of feeling complete as a person and breaking everything to encompass my old habits, losing my relationship and losing my job. I get to start over, I don't see why you can't start over too.
"At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves." -Fight Club, Chapter 6
I took it as alcohol distracted me from the lack of feeling complete as a person and breaking everything to encompass my old habits, losing my relationship and losing my job. I get to start over, I don't see why you can't start over too.
SoberDreams
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 42
"I took it as alcohol distracted me from the lack of feeling complete as a person and breaking everything to encompass my old habits, losing my relationship and losing my job. I get to start over, I don't see why you can't start over too."
I keep praying that is true. I am about to have to start over. Due to alcohol and the constant self sabatoge that came with it, I have damn near ruined everything. It's hard to accept man, damn hard. The guilt is extreme. If you can start over maybe there is hope yet for the hopeless. How was the starting over part?
I keep praying that is true. I am about to have to start over. Due to alcohol and the constant self sabatoge that came with it, I have damn near ruined everything. It's hard to accept man, damn hard. The guilt is extreme. If you can start over maybe there is hope yet for the hopeless. How was the starting over part?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by Seth84
"I took it as alcohol distracted me from the lack of feeling complete as a person and breaking everything to encompass my old habits, losing my relationship and losing my job. I get to start over, I don't see why you can't start over too."
I keep praying that is true. I am about to have to start over. Due to alcohol and the constant self sabatoge that came with it, I have damn near ruined everything. It's hard to accept man, damn hard. The guilt is extreme. If you can start over maybe there is hope yet for the hopeless. How was the starting over part?
I keep praying that is true. I am about to have to start over. Due to alcohol and the constant self sabatoge that came with it, I have damn near ruined everything. It's hard to accept man, damn hard. The guilt is extreme. If you can start over maybe there is hope yet for the hopeless. How was the starting over part?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome! Quitting drinking was scary for me because it was my solution for life. By taking away the booze, I was effectively taking away my survival skills.
I had to find another way. I had to find a way to live in this world, with the crying baby, the broken down car, the nagging wife, the crappy boss, and STILL NOT DRINK.
I have found that solution in AA. You can to. Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit using booze as my solution / filter for life. That doesn't mean that everyday is perfect and I don't have problems. It just allows me to have crappy days, or good days, or average days, and be me 100 percent of the time.
I don't live my life today "in spite" of my alcohol problem. I don't fight alcohol either. It's simply been removed. For me the first step was surrender / acceptance. I had to completely stop fighting the idea that one day I could drink like a "normal drinker". We win, by stopping the fight.
I think it's vital that we all find a program of recovery that works for us. I have found that in AA and this site. Left on my own, I will ALWAYS choose to drink. I had to find another way.
If I can do this, so can you.
Hang in there and best of luck!
I had to find another way. I had to find a way to live in this world, with the crying baby, the broken down car, the nagging wife, the crappy boss, and STILL NOT DRINK.
I have found that solution in AA. You can to. Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit using booze as my solution / filter for life. That doesn't mean that everyday is perfect and I don't have problems. It just allows me to have crappy days, or good days, or average days, and be me 100 percent of the time.
I don't live my life today "in spite" of my alcohol problem. I don't fight alcohol either. It's simply been removed. For me the first step was surrender / acceptance. I had to completely stop fighting the idea that one day I could drink like a "normal drinker". We win, by stopping the fight.
I think it's vital that we all find a program of recovery that works for us. I have found that in AA and this site. Left on my own, I will ALWAYS choose to drink. I had to find another way.
If I can do this, so can you.
Hang in there and best of luck!
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