Living one day at a time
New to Real Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Living one day at a time
ODAAT is not something that was particularly helpful for me except in real dire moments in early withdrawal. I think for some people it's very comforting and I also imagine there are different interpretations of it.
But yesterday I was talking to my husband about my son starting Kindergarten. I named the different kids we know and who was going to what school. Told him something about the teaching techniques they use. Asked him if he could take off for an upcoming assessment, etc. It was I guess a kind of dull conversation but engaging as these things are when you're in the middle of it.
I was thinking - a year ago there is no way I would have known any of that. I wouldn't have known who was going to what school. And scheduling assessments etc would have been one of those things that ran through my head at 4am as I lay there sick and dehydrated. Hating myself for having gotten drunk again.
My experience has been that 'one day at a time' was more how things were when I was drinking. I literally just was getting through every day. Counting down to when I could drink my awful hangover away again. Filled with all the false hope of being able to moderate it that night or the next day or next monday or whatever.
In sobriety (8 mos now) I feel like I have emerged from the tunnel. I can see all around. I can think of details some months from now. I can organize my thoughts and life in ways that I never could before.
So if you're someone for whom 'ODAAT' is not a comforting concept or it feels dull, boring, daunting, hard....please believe that sobriety is really not like that at all. ODAAT is an awesome message to keep you focused on not drinking that day. But it's not how life is.
Of course, maybe I'm the only person who was confused about that. But I figure I'd share just in case someone is lurking here today thinking that sobriety won't be worth it. It'll be lame and boring and isolating and pure drudgery. Not true! :ghug3
But yesterday I was talking to my husband about my son starting Kindergarten. I named the different kids we know and who was going to what school. Told him something about the teaching techniques they use. Asked him if he could take off for an upcoming assessment, etc. It was I guess a kind of dull conversation but engaging as these things are when you're in the middle of it.
I was thinking - a year ago there is no way I would have known any of that. I wouldn't have known who was going to what school. And scheduling assessments etc would have been one of those things that ran through my head at 4am as I lay there sick and dehydrated. Hating myself for having gotten drunk again.
My experience has been that 'one day at a time' was more how things were when I was drinking. I literally just was getting through every day. Counting down to when I could drink my awful hangover away again. Filled with all the false hope of being able to moderate it that night or the next day or next monday or whatever.
In sobriety (8 mos now) I feel like I have emerged from the tunnel. I can see all around. I can think of details some months from now. I can organize my thoughts and life in ways that I never could before.
So if you're someone for whom 'ODAAT' is not a comforting concept or it feels dull, boring, daunting, hard....please believe that sobriety is really not like that at all. ODAAT is an awesome message to keep you focused on not drinking that day. But it's not how life is.
Of course, maybe I'm the only person who was confused about that. But I figure I'd share just in case someone is lurking here today thinking that sobriety won't be worth it. It'll be lame and boring and isolating and pure drudgery. Not true! :ghug3
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I'll make the assumption that the concept of "one day at a time" was around long before AA started (1930's) but "not drinking one day at a time," sure as heck isn't going to give a real alkie any comfort and.....honestly.....it's not really something an alcoholic of my type could even DO.
The way I learned it was "we live life one day at a time....today...in the present" - by contrast, I tended to try to live in the future (worry) or in the past (mourning, regrets, could-a, should-a, would-a's). By remaining predominantly in the past or the future, we miss the ONLY time we actually have - the NOW.
And guess what, when we miss the NOW, it'll turn into another regret of our past by tomorrow..... and the cycle continues to repeat.
I won't get into the "24 hr program" since this is the newcomers area but, if anyone's interested in what that really means, shoot me a PM.
The way I learned it was "we live life one day at a time....today...in the present" - by contrast, I tended to try to live in the future (worry) or in the past (mourning, regrets, could-a, should-a, would-a's). By remaining predominantly in the past or the future, we miss the ONLY time we actually have - the NOW.
And guess what, when we miss the NOW, it'll turn into another regret of our past by tomorrow..... and the cycle continues to repeat.
I won't get into the "24 hr program" since this is the newcomers area but, if anyone's interested in what that really means, shoot me a PM.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
.......heh........
not to mention, my most-used tool for dealing with "life one day at a time" was always to give it a shot until I just couldn't take it any longer........get wasted.......and give it a fresh shot tomorrow.
......each of those tomorrows turning into another tomorrow and another tomorrow and another tomorrow.
I'd had to get some new power and some new tools to live ODAAT.....and I have to put them to use (lol..... I tried just "getting" the tools but not using them.......didn't work so well).
not to mention, my most-used tool for dealing with "life one day at a time" was always to give it a shot until I just couldn't take it any longer........get wasted.......and give it a fresh shot tomorrow.
......each of those tomorrows turning into another tomorrow and another tomorrow and another tomorrow.
I'd had to get some new power and some new tools to live ODAAT.....and I have to put them to use (lol..... I tried just "getting" the tools but not using them.......didn't work so well).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Great post and great thoughts.
I believe the idea that we "don't drink one day at a time" is a staggeringly obscene perversion of the AA program. It's simply not what the program promises. What it has become, I believe, is a dressed-up motto for white knuckling it. Perpetually recovering, rather than recovered (which is what AA promises).
That it works for people is perfectly fine. That it has become so closely associated with AA is not.
As DayTrader said, living one day at a time-- being fully present, engaged, and alive, without urges and compulsions, free from worry and regret-- is the ideal of recovery in AA.
I believe the idea that we "don't drink one day at a time" is a staggeringly obscene perversion of the AA program. It's simply not what the program promises. What it has become, I believe, is a dressed-up motto for white knuckling it. Perpetually recovering, rather than recovered (which is what AA promises).
That it works for people is perfectly fine. That it has become so closely associated with AA is not.
As DayTrader said, living one day at a time-- being fully present, engaged, and alive, without urges and compulsions, free from worry and regret-- is the ideal of recovery in AA.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
One day at a time is important to me and one of the most valuable things I've learned from AA. But I don't mean I'm white knuckling it from one day to the next.
What I mean by one day at a time, is living in today, the present. AA has taught me how to do that. It sounds so simple, but until I did my 4th step I didn't truly realize how much the past (in the form of resentments) and the future (in the form of worries) affected my life. Now that I'm in a better position to handle my resentments and worries, I can live the one day at a time that I truly have, Today.
What I mean by one day at a time, is living in today, the present. AA has taught me how to do that. It sounds so simple, but until I did my 4th step I didn't truly realize how much the past (in the form of resentments) and the future (in the form of worries) affected my life. Now that I'm in a better position to handle my resentments and worries, I can live the one day at a time that I truly have, Today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I find ODAAT useful for me too, in a lot more ways than just not drinking now.
Like Zebra, living in the present was a revelation for me - and a huge boost for my recovery and the way I live my life now.
For me, it's not about white knuckling, and it's not about being reckless for the future either....it's about realising the very simple, and humbling, fact that the only day I can really do anything about is today...all my fears for tomorrow and regrets for yesterday are baggage I don't need to carry around.
I'm getting there...
D
Like Zebra, living in the present was a revelation for me - and a huge boost for my recovery and the way I live my life now.
For me, it's not about white knuckling, and it's not about being reckless for the future either....it's about realising the very simple, and humbling, fact that the only day I can really do anything about is today...all my fears for tomorrow and regrets for yesterday are baggage I don't need to carry around.
I'm getting there...
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
SSIL- As everyone said, the affirmation "One day at a time" is a metaphor for learning how to live in the moment, and staying present. It means not allowing your thoughts to go too far ahead in the future or stay stuck in the past, so that you can embrace the Now. the word "day" isn't supposed to be taken literally, that'd be silly
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Although I do agree with what everyone has stated about the meaning of "one day at a time", meaning living in the now. But in my early sobriety, the white knuckle period, which I think we all had for the first couple of days of recovery, no matter what program you were starting it was an important concept for me. Kind of like the saying "the journey of a million miles starts with the first step". I needed that ODAAT mindset until I was able to get on firm ground in my program. I do agree that it is no way to live life, trying to battle daily thoughts and cravings, but ODAAT helped me get through the hardest part which was the first couple of weeks. After that I had an epiphany and realized that alcohol didn't have to be part of my life. Basically after having enough "One days", the idea of happiness in sobriety finally stuck.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
"One Day At A Time" was really helpful to me in early sobriety because the thought of not drinking forever was too overwhelming. I knew I could make it through the next hour or several hours, but I couldn't imagine what I'd do when the holidays came. I didn't know if I could make it for a week or a year.... So, I focused on the day instead.
Living one day at a time is something I've adopted with everything in my life (living in the "Now" as much as possible). Instead of worrying and fretting, I do what I can..... today.
Living one day at a time is something I've adopted with everything in my life (living in the "Now" as much as possible). Instead of worrying and fretting, I do what I can..... today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
One day at a time is a tenant of the AA program that goes through something of a metamorphosis as you work the program. In the early days of sobriety one day at a time is something of a party trick to get through a few white knuckle days. However, the AA program is about more than just struggling from moment to moment, this is about quitting for good and all.
Today is one thing that this disease took from me. While drinking, my life was a bitter hostile place to be. The drinking was killing me but the noise in my head was killing me faster. Party tricks would work only for just so long, This had to change for me to stay sober and sane for any significant amount of time.
Once you reach the fourth step 'one day at a time' really blossoms into an anchor point of sobriety. If you look at the first major categories of the 4th step, they are resentment and fear. These things rob me of any peace in my life today as resentment is all about yesterday and fear is almost always about tomorrow. This is a large part of what makes right here right now a horrible place to live.
When I am not at peace with today I can look for these two defects and go to god for help to remove the culprit. When I shake off the chains of yesterday and slip free of the yoke of tomorrow I can finally live my life one day at a time, I can live in today, and when it comes down to it that's what the AA program gives me, today, and in the end, today is all we really have.
Today is one thing that this disease took from me. While drinking, my life was a bitter hostile place to be. The drinking was killing me but the noise in my head was killing me faster. Party tricks would work only for just so long, This had to change for me to stay sober and sane for any significant amount of time.
Once you reach the fourth step 'one day at a time' really blossoms into an anchor point of sobriety. If you look at the first major categories of the 4th step, they are resentment and fear. These things rob me of any peace in my life today as resentment is all about yesterday and fear is almost always about tomorrow. This is a large part of what makes right here right now a horrible place to live.
When I am not at peace with today I can look for these two defects and go to god for help to remove the culprit. When I shake off the chains of yesterday and slip free of the yoke of tomorrow I can finally live my life one day at a time, I can live in today, and when it comes down to it that's what the AA program gives me, today, and in the end, today is all we really have.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Originally Posted by Supercrew 
. Kind of like the saying "the journey of a million miles starts with the first step".
I find it easy now to just focus on what I can do today and leave tomorrow to take care of itself.
I have a garden stepping stone block thing on my table that says Live One Day At A Time. I am reminded each time I pass and it keeps me focused.
As the saying goes, If you have one foot on yesterday and one foot in tomorrow then you're p*ssing all over today.
Hey, I didn't make that up -just words of wisdom!
New to Real Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I agree with what everyone is saying about living in the moment. My point was more that when I was drinking I was in capable of doing anything other than living in that day. I had no ability to plan the future, no foresight, no big vision like I can have now that my mind is clear.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by SSIL75
...when I was drinking I was in capable of doing anything other than living in that day. I had no ability to plan the future, no foresight, no big vision like I can have now that my mind is clear.
For me, drinking did even more damage to my ability to process inside life. I humbly suggest there is no less introspective life than that of an addict.
Thanks for the thread, SSIL75.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by BadCompany
One day at a time is a tenant of the AA program that goes through something of a metamorphosis as you work the program. In the early days of sobriety one day at a time is something of a party trick to get through a few white knuckle days. However, the AA program is about more than just struggling from moment to moment, this is about quitting for good and all.
Today is one thing that this disease took from me. While drinking, my life was a bitter hostile place to be. The drinking was killing me but the noise in my head was killing me faster. Party tricks would work only for just so long, This had to change for me to stay sober and sane for any significant amount of time.
Once you reach the fourth step 'one day at a time' really blossoms into an anchor point of sobriety. If you look at the first major categories of the 4th step, they are resentment and fear. These things rob me of any peace in my life today as resentment is all about yesterday and fear is almost always about tomorrow. This is a large part of what makes right here right now a horrible place to live.
When I am not at peace with today I can look for these two defects and go to god for help to remove the culprit. When I shake off the chains of yesterday and slip free of the yoke of tomorrow I can finally live my life one day at a time, I can live in today, and when it comes down to it that's what the AA program gives me, today, and in the end, today is all we really have.
Today is one thing that this disease took from me. While drinking, my life was a bitter hostile place to be. The drinking was killing me but the noise in my head was killing me faster. Party tricks would work only for just so long, This had to change for me to stay sober and sane for any significant amount of time.
Once you reach the fourth step 'one day at a time' really blossoms into an anchor point of sobriety. If you look at the first major categories of the 4th step, they are resentment and fear. These things rob me of any peace in my life today as resentment is all about yesterday and fear is almost always about tomorrow. This is a large part of what makes right here right now a horrible place to live.
When I am not at peace with today I can look for these two defects and go to god for help to remove the culprit. When I shake off the chains of yesterday and slip free of the yoke of tomorrow I can finally live my life one day at a time, I can live in today, and when it comes down to it that's what the AA program gives me, today, and in the end, today is all we really have.
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