frances2011

Hello. I'm Frances. This looks like a friendly optimistic place with lots of nice people.

I'm 43 and married. My mom was an alcoholic and it made my childhood miserable. She died when I was a teenager.

As life brings new stresses I found myself starting to drink to change how I feel, to deal with anxiety and stress.

I started getting sneaky about drinking every night. I started thinking about when each afternoon I could start drinking as my "reward" for getting through the day. The guilt and sneaking and physical impact every morning was so sad.

So I stopped on March 1, 2011. My "reason" to the world is that I'm in training for a half-marathon on May 1. The training has really helped focus me on positive physical changes.

I am realizing that the first glass of white wine is my friend but the rest of the bottle isn't. I love drinking but it doesn't love me back.

Would it be OK for me to the March thread or should I join the April thread?

Fandy

I think that whereever you feel comfortable posting is fine...I have to go to work and run off, but wanted to make you aware of the fitness forum in the threads too.

you will find a lot of folks in the same focus as you...congrats!!! I only wish i had your kind of discipline.

welcome Frances!!! we are glad to have you posting here and appreciate your contributions.

i'm sure someone will be along any minute to talk longer....

(check out the gratitude threads, one of my favorite things to help keep me on track).

RebelAngel

Hi Frances, welcome & CONGRATULATIONS on your sober time so far, you're doing amazingly well!!

Why not browse both threads & see how you feel?? As I'm sure you've already found there is a wealth of support & information here on all forums.

Continued success with your half-marathon training!

frances2011

Squee! Fitness thread! Will go find it!

I think I'll get to know people here a little bit at a time and likewise for me. I want to tell you that I've been journaling for 2 years about wanting to stop but not admitting I have a problem and feeling so shameful about it.

I stopped for 2 weeks once but didn't tell a soul. So when I started again, there was no accountability. I told a bestest Real Life friend that I have a problem with alcohol about 2 months ago. She gave me love and support.

My wonderful wonderful husband is supporting me but he doesn't know about how much inner anguish this has been causing me. I'm a "high functioning" kinda person--Totally Together on the outside....betcha you folks know what the insides look like. My husband doesn't have addictions in his family so I think the "can't stop, sneaky, obsessing" mindset is hard for him to get.

Lenina

frances,

Welcome! You'll find lots of support here. Lots of great people with lots of experience and hope to share.

Nice to meet you!

Love,

Lenina

Doodledog

Hi Frances!!!

Welcome to the site. I relate so much to the "husband doesn't know'' the extent of your inner turmoil. I had so much shame associated with my inability to stop drinking...

I think it's great that you're making changes.

ddog

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community....

Latte

Oooh another runner...

Welcome. I am glad you are here! I agree, with Rebel Angel, read and you can go from there.

Thank you for posting.

latte.

Anna

Hi Frances,

Welcome!

I'm glad that you've decided to stop drinking and to live a sober life.

I do know what it's like to try to keep up outward appearances when, in reality, everything is falling apart. I felt like two different people. Know that you can do this!

Missy7

I feel a connection to your comment. I'm earlier--day two--but I think we share some things. My family is highly alcoholic. I function very well and don't tell anyone I need to stop. Drinking would be easier on this particular day than not drinking. My husband is sweet and supportive--I think he thinks this quitting thing is a hobby. I drink to change how I feel...to take away the anxiety.

I'm tempted to call in sick this morning, but I think it would be better to get to my desk and do what I can but be where I'm supposed to be.

Good luck to you and the half-marathon. I'm on a weight loss journey too. I am excited that maybe not drinking eight or ten drinks a day three or four days a week might help with that.

sarah14

Welcome Frances, I can completely relate to your post. Congrats on more than a month of sobriety. I am just a few days into my wine free life and I feel soo much better. I would love to train for a half-marathon and I think I might try to find one in my area. Running is such a great release!!

best wishes to you!

ItWillBeWorthIt

Welcome Frances, so glad you found this site, you will love the support here. Wonderful people.

Running should help the anxiety. I, too, love to run and am happy that the weather is getting better outside. Good luck on the marathon.

Keep coming back here and reading and posting when you want -- it does work.

EmeraldRose

Hi Frances...Welcome.
I don't run...but I can walk really fast! LOL
Glad you're here.

frances2011

Thanks everybody!

Hey Missy! I'm glad you're here. I lol'd at you saying that not-drinking might help us with our weight loss journey. Did you go to work? I hope you are having a good day.

I'm working on losing some weight too (yeah, like I don't have enough projects!). Alcohol has calories????? SMILE.

Also thanks all for understanding the anxiety+alcohol merrygoround. It's awful.

LaFemme

Hi Frances and welcome!

Kicking Asphalt is the most active fitness thread...sorry I can't link from my phone....well I probably can but never figured it out

I also can't stress the importance of the gratitude section enough...both for newbies and oldtimers...a grateful heart conquers all things