MsCooterBrown

I don't know where you are from...or what time zone you are in..but its gotta be approaching the end of day 2! If you want to know what will happen tomorrow..ask Dee. It is already Thursday where he is at! I wish you well and hope you continue to move forward..it really does get better and better!
Welcome Larry..

Stride34

Larry, it happened. If there's anything you can do to improve situation for you and those around you, do it now. If not, then learn from it and let it go.

These things grow into an animal of themselves, because how we interpret the situation is often much worse than the situation itself. We spend the present embarrassed about something in the past, and project it into some imagined future, creating an illusion of fear. By doing this, we're just a victim of our own thoughts and emotions, not reality. The mind links our own identity with these thoughts, creating this false sense of ego, which is the fuel for all negative emotion. Just acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, observe them, but don't judge them good or bad. Their not "you". Then, slowly return back to the present, the Now. There is no danger in this moment. If you feel your mind wandering back to unproductive, racing thoughts, then repeat this process again.

I'm sure you're familiar with it, it's called meditation lol

Larry45

Hi. Thanks for the ongoing support. It's really great to pop in here and feel like people care and understand.

Yep, it's the end of day 2. Though when I got home I was sort of distracted and then realised that I was about to go back to my old habit of the drink as soon as I walk in the door routine. Thankfully I realized what I was about to do and stopped it.

The routine is so hard wired in, it's incredible.

I have many social engagements coming up and I'm VERY nervous about avoiding alcohol. I guess I'll just say I've over indulged lately and am taking a break... which is true. I just think it might be best if the break was forever.

Though as I look to the future I just can't see me not drinking ever again, it's almost impossible to imagine that that is possible.

Does everyone relapse?

Larry45

Can't sleep and want to drink... feeling so restless and lost.

OklaBH

Working out helps immensley! I relapsed and will never let it happen again. I memorized a bible scripture. I say it over and over when I want a drink. Also I started a "sober wallet"

lockcap

Hang in there Larry.. I can relate, believe me....My story is very similar to yours
You can do this.
I'm on Day 4 and a nervous wreck about tonight...family/friends coming over to celebrate a bday. Wine( my drink of choice) will be flowing! I keep telling myself I can do this...NO NEED to drink....hopefully, I can do this. I won 't let the "IT" control me. I have appreciated waking up this week with no hangovers...hopefully, I will tomorrow as well.
Good Luck

Larry45

Day 04. Went out last night and was surrounded by people drinking. Managed to avoid it, but only just. I'm feeling quite good today for the first time in ages.

It's strange not drinking. I keep wondering what the point of everything is if I'm not drunk to enjoy it. Like why would you do things sober?

artsoul

Well.....Lots of people choose to do things without getting wasted.

I do things sober because I don't want to be controlled by alcohol anymore, because I want to be a better person, because I don't want to die an alcoholic.

I'm so glad you were able to get through the event - that's a huge accomplishment. Being sober is weird at first - give it time. :ghug3

Mark75

LOL

Normal drinkers never have to ask. Normal drinkers wouldn't even understand such a question. I understand... exactly... how... you... feel. I am not a normal drinker. I can't answer that question for you. But you can find the answer to that question if you quit drinking and get recovered. I can assure you there is a point to everything...

However, it didn't seem like you were enjoying much of anything the other night! You don't have to live like that anymore!

Get recovered. I did. AA.

Welcome!!

OklaBH

welcome to my world! ive done everything drunk for the past 11 years. being sober im totally out of my element. but i like it!

Larry45

Yeah it's also strange knowing that only the people here understand that sort of question. It's not something I can exactly just bring up over dinner with family and friends... almost no one gets a question like "what's the point doing things not drunk or wasted?".

I must admit it's weird being dead straight, but it's also quite stimulating being in a new head space.

This is the end of day 05 and the start of day 06 now.

Larry45

Yes. Looking back (as you do when you can actually think with some objectivity and not through a haze of alcohol) I realize I was basically drunk at every event, and only barely managing to not show how much drunker I was than everyone else (and only succeeding half of the time.)

Larry45

Hi. How did that Bday go? Did you avoid drinking? What was your excuse? Or are you just honest about it? I hope you're doing okay.

Remember to keep yourself busy. That's really helping me. Good luck.

mtnmagic

Hi Larry, congratulations on starting day 6. That is awesome. Those early
days in sobriety can be very confusing and difficult. For me (I have 11 weeks), I get into trouble if I start thinking too far ahead of myself.

Thinking about never drinking again, or the What will I do if this, or that happens, how can I not drink?.....is not good for me at all, so I try not to
to it. Staying focused on the present day only has worked wonders.
Also changing up my routine to break old habits really helped me with wanting
to drink, so I'll suggest you try it too. SR is a fantastic place with 24/7 support. There is always someone to "talk" to, so I hope you use it as
much as you can.

Take care.

Zini

Larry, great to see you still posting here and clearly evolving in your thinking. (My first post was also exhausted and regretful, and I feel quite differently now, though it's still baby steps all the way.)
I think we're the same day sober, or thereabouts, which makes me feel particularly invested in your recovery.
We can do this!
Hugs,
Z.

Larry45

Hi Zini. Yes, i feel the same way about your recovery. So let's stay in touch about it.

I've got to say my anxiety and depression is much, much lower. And while I think my self-esteem may be a little higher I'm finding socialising a little, well, awkward. I guess it was much easier when I was lubricated. I never really realised how out of practise I am socialising in the evenings straight. I'm actually having trouble following conversations, which is strange.

I look different now too. More of a healthy glow and less puffy, which is encouraging in itself.

I'm still always thinking too far ahead. Wondering about an upcoming social event and how I will explain my not drinking, but so far I've just been saying I've been overindulging lately (e.g. for the last 10 years!) and that I'm "taking a break", or "detoxing" etc... Which is essentially true. What have you been saying?

Goodnight.

Zini

Well, I have come "out of the closet" to a few close people here about being an alcoholic, and it's really helped. It was always something I was SO ashamed of, and stating it matter of factly, like it's no big deal, like it's any other condition or disease, has been immensely helpful.

As for the others, who don't know, and who don't really have any business knowing, I just say: oh, not tonight, I'm tired/have to wake up early/need to get some work done in the morning, etc. The "not tonight" is a deliberate little 'joke' between me and myself, reminding me that tonight is all I have to get through. Not tomorrow, not next week, or next year. Just tonight. That's my only responsibility right now.

I completely know what you mean about upcoming social events, and that's totally what would trip me up in the past. I would wake up feeling, ok, eff it, this is IT, but then, a few hours later, think, wait, it's X's wedding/birthday/new year's next week. I certainly can't not drink then, so might as well keep drinking until then.

Mind games, all of them. It's the addiction speaking, like a bad lover who knows that if he can get you to capitulate in that moment, then he can stay in your life for that much longer, and make his presence that much more pervasive and harder to get rid of.
Now I just concentrate on how nice it is that I will remember all of X's wedding/birthday/whatnot. That I won't say anything embarrassing, and that I will really be able to share in the joy of the moment instead of basically numbing myself to any feeling other than the desire to get drunker and drunker and reach that ever-elusive high.

Also, I know how you're skeptical of AA. I was too, until last week, when I decided it can't hurt to try what I haven't really engaged in before. And it's helping immensely. Having a face-to-face support network. Meeting a bunch of varied, interesting, articulate people from literally all walks of life who have all "been there, done that", and are practically dealing with living life sober and awake. Having a meeting to go to when I want to avoid a social event, rather than sitting at home and feeling resentful about having to deprive myself of both the alcohol and the fun times that go along with it.
I was also lucky to find a group that didn't use any scary (ie overtly religious) language, which made it that much easier for me to identify and blend in.
I would urge you to give it a try, if only because it's something you haven't done before. It's all about breaking the pattern, and actively replacing the drinking - and the brief buoyancy you got from it - with something else that can keep you afloat and feeling supported.
Just a suggestion.
At this point, whatever keeps me from picking up that first drink has got to be totally worth it.
Best of luck to you, and keep letting us know how you're doing.

Zini

Also (and sorry I am always so long-winded): you're right about socializing sober. Some days I find it easier than others, but that lack of concentration you're describing is something I've definitely experienced.
Right now your energy is focused on your sobriety, because it's still a new and delicate thing. Naturally, you will have less energy to focus on making small talk and chatting with people. Ease off the pressure to perform and to be the life of the party and cut yourself some slack for a while. Excuse yourself and leave early if you can. It's a slow learning process, engaging with people sober, and I bet most of us became drunks because we found that engagement particularly hard. You're not going to get it right in the beginning, and that's totally, absolutely ok.

recoverywfaith

You've received alot of good suggestions here. Keep it one day at a time. Glad you are here.

Larry45

Hi Zini. Yes, all good points. Thank you. I've often been the life of the party and the center of attention (except on the nights where I'm far too drunk). So I'll cut my self some slack and just take it easy.

I'm still not sure about AA. I've never liked group activities, in fact I despise them. The religious aspect is a huge put-off too, but it's good to hear that hasn't been too prominent in your group.

However my main reservation is placing too much emphasis and meaning on my recovery. I don't want to become obsessed with the 'not drinking' as much as I was about the 'drinking'. I'd rather focus on the other creative parts of my life that had fallen by the wayside... music, art etc.

I can already imagine the responses I'll get here from that statement (not that I'm presuming anything), because I know AA has been so helpful to many good people here, but it's not something I'd ever attend. My partner knows what is happening and has been a great pillar of support and understanding, as have the people here.

It's day 7 now, almost a week sober. YES!