StrongEnuf

What a mix !!!!! I am having a hard day/week

I am 13 days sober and reality is killing me. I do not understand why I do not have any money in my checking account, why I seem to not have enough time in the day, but yet why I am soooooo bored with the day to day life I live (the hectic crazy life of a working mom with 4 kids)

When I was drinking, I had money to drink so where is it ?
When I was drinking, I had time to stay out all night once or twice a week - where did that time go?
When I was drinking, I would finish my work day making plans for the evening to meet with friends if even for just one after work drink, or whatever....

Not really looking for an explanation just kind of venting I guess...... I could really go for a nice cold mic ultra tonight.... but my kids have baseball so I dont have time, and I have no money to even buy any. These 2 things would not have ever stopped me before ~

jenn8671

I'm right there with you! I'm also on day 13, 3 kids, no money, no time, no "passions" right now, so the boredom is there too. I will say though, doing the everyday crap without dragging my hangover around is very nice!
Have fun at baseball & hang in there!

Oh and I just noticed you are in MA too!

StrongEnuf

I am excited about how much I have accomplished the last 2 weeks. Spring cleaning maybe wiping out my energy level a little bit as well, but I agree not carrying around a hang over is wonderful !!!!!!

Eclipse

The boredom is from not being able to drink. I struggle with that too!! What the hell am I going to do if i can't go home and drink...its depressing cuz that means reality. You didn't have the money before (I know, cuz that's me) but you didn't care...As far as no time, you are now doing the right thing and taking care of all that stuff you let slide...so you don't have time....but its a good thing. I know it gets way better because i have experienced that before...but in the meantime it sucks! Just remember.....its a good thing!!!

StrongEnuf

Eclipse - you are right I have been broke for as long as I could remember. When I went to the bars I never actually spent too much money, guys are always willing to buy me drinks. And all the stuff i am doing around the house and with and for the kids are just things that i have been neglecting.

Just one more day closer to being on level ground

StrongEnuf

It is depressing, I am in a slump right now - and I need to get out of it and enjoy life...problem is other than my kids I can;t think of anything that actually makes me happy.

Eclipse

Do you like to read? Can you take a walk? Help the kids with their homework...its sounds SO boring, but it really is rewarding in the end. I know you have probably heard it a million times, but it does work. I remember getting in bed with a good book SOBER and had the best frickin' time of my life. Cuz I could stay awake and didn't pass out and slober all over the book...

Anna

But, you get a chance to go to your kids baseball game tonight! That sounds like fun!

I think you're adjusting to reality and not finding things to be quite how you expected. For the money question, you could start doing a budget and keeping track of expenses so you can see where your money is going.

Maybe you can check out some new activities that involved your community or sports and no alcohol. You might find some fun things to do.

artsoul

I think it's hard to compare early sobriety with years of using..... I felt like a fish out of water for quite a while and I'm still making adjustments, but I know if I starting drinking again, nothing would be any different than it was on day 1.

Here's a good little article:Relapse Prevention: Awfulizing Sobriety | RecoveryView.com

justjo

Things will get better SE, just keep being around positive people.
Like here in SR

EmeraldRose

Once we decide we are going to drink at night or make plans to go out...its inevidable that our minds will lovingly swirl around the thought of that relief. We know where its going...we know soon our minds will be caressing its love affair. We finish our work, we do what we have to but its not 'living'.
You don't have that thought now...now you have to live the whole day with no release no 'excitement', no plans. Nothing seems interesting when you're not preoccupied with booze. This too shall pass.....do jumping jacks.

SomethingBetter

Artsoul, thanks for that article...

I'm having one of those days myself, prob the worst since I've taken a drink, I pondered the thoughts of money and how I was sopposed to have more after I stopped drinking, how my life when drinking was better because I could escape this crap at work, today life was just not fun at all.

Eclipse, you are right, all these problems were there when drinking we just didn't care.

I was talking to a guy at work today who knew I was stressing out badly, he said to me "i dont get it, why don't you just have a six pack and then don't have any more like my dad does?"

I just looked at him, I knew this kid didn't understand, nor should he have to, and god I hope he never has to.

StrongEnuf, I just seen where you had a day like me so posted, hope that's ok although I havnt given any advice, but thank you, it is good to know we are not alone.

I just posted a positive thread on Friday about how things couldn't be better lol, dang this is one scary roller coster ride.

Missy7

I totally relate. I have only told my husband about quitting drinking (day nine)--except my closest friend. A few weeks ago she and I went to a quilting show and I was somewhat hung over. I told her I knew I should quit but I wouldn't. She didn't push me--I was just talking cause I trust her. But what I told her was that I was squeeing every minute out of my life. Which I was. I mean, up at 7:00, work all day, come home, drink till 1:00--that's effectively squeezing every minute.

So it feels funny to fall asleep on the couch at 8:00. It feels like I'm missing something--even if it isn't alcohol. In fact, I probably need the sleep. But somewhere there is a party I'm missing. I'm not paying for it. I'll feel better for it. It's just a bunch of drunks I would never invite over. And what's worse, I'm terrified I'll run into someone from work...But I'm missing it.

StrongEnuf

Anna - I had a great time watching the boys play baseball and even made a complete sober fool out of myself in front of other parents as I did full body rolls down the dirty hill with my 4 yr old daughter. LOL - it was great and her excitement was worth the embarassment.

Artsoul - thank you for the article link. It helped me right away to recognize that its the alcoholic in me saying its ok to have a drink, why shouldn't it be ?!?!?

euphoric recall: “When we are in euphoric recall, we remember and exaggerate pleasurable memories of past chemical use episodes. Then we block or repress our bad memories of drug use or deny the pain associated with them”. When a person enters into craving, they are not thinking about how bad it will be – they are thinking about how good that first drink, hit, or pill will be.

And then it helped me to remember, why I made the personal commitment to get sober and stay sober!

Thank you Emeral Rose - doing my work, and what I need to do just so I can make plans to get wasted IS NOT living, you are so right !!!!! Crawling around the livingroom giving horsy rides to my 2 yr old.... that is living !

SomethingBetter - I envy the people that just don't get it (like the kid from your work) lets hope they never have to get it. I am glad I am not alone.

Missy - thats it, I just feel like I am missing something! missing some great time with friends.... I did feel great on Sunday morning when my girlfriends were all hung over and wasting the wonderful weather.... I was so greatful that I had shut off my cell phone and did not get thier invitation text messages to go out saturday night!