Taking some steps and introducing myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 11
Taking some steps and introducing myself
Hey everyone. I hope you all have had a great week.
Over the past 9 months, I have been an alcoholic. I'm not sure what the various forms of alcoholism are (or that it even matters) but it started as some social binge drinking, then became an every weekend binge drinking ordeal with an occasional week night or two thrown into the mix. Some weeks I was able to "quit", but when I did drink...it was heavily. As in buying an entire 750ml bottle of Courvoisier and drinking all of it in one night. Where I recognized it as a problem was the fact that I had zero self control in terms of drinking in moderation, and that I would do so all by myself at home. Sometimes I would randomly lash out at people in text messages, emails, or even on facebook without having any recollection of having done so when I woke up with a hangover the next day.
If nothing else, there weren't any tigers in my bathroom.
Well here it is as a Friday but rather than being weak and heading to the liquor department at my grocery store, I'm stopping by here instead. My alcoholism has caused a lot of problems in my life even in just a short amount of time but I will beat this addiction and not let it do any more damage than it has already done. My friends and family deserve better than that. So do I.
There it is.
Over the past 9 months, I have been an alcoholic. I'm not sure what the various forms of alcoholism are (or that it even matters) but it started as some social binge drinking, then became an every weekend binge drinking ordeal with an occasional week night or two thrown into the mix. Some weeks I was able to "quit", but when I did drink...it was heavily. As in buying an entire 750ml bottle of Courvoisier and drinking all of it in one night. Where I recognized it as a problem was the fact that I had zero self control in terms of drinking in moderation, and that I would do so all by myself at home. Sometimes I would randomly lash out at people in text messages, emails, or even on facebook without having any recollection of having done so when I woke up with a hangover the next day.
If nothing else, there weren't any tigers in my bathroom.
Well here it is as a Friday but rather than being weak and heading to the liquor department at my grocery store, I'm stopping by here instead. My alcoholism has caused a lot of problems in my life even in just a short amount of time but I will beat this addiction and not let it do any more damage than it has already done. My friends and family deserve better than that. So do I.
There it is.
I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Got2stop))) - welcome to SR! This site has been a huge help to me in finding recovery from my addiction. You're not alone...lots of people here have btdt, some are just starting out, too.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Welcome, Got2Stop, and thanks for the "Hangover" reference. Great movie.
The first time we try to stop drinking on our own is incredibly significant. Not only because we're acknowledging the need to do something, but also because it begins the process of determining what is required to stop.
Through a lot of failure, I came to understand that it merely starts with the stopping.
When I stopped, I was simply a person badly in need of a drink. And I thought, OK, I'll just ride this out, and eventually I'll become a person who no longer badly needs a drink.
Didn't happen. I stopped physically craving alcohol, sure, but the mental obsession-- the compulsion to put something in my body that would just quiet the nonsense in my head and give me sweet relief from reality-- it didn't stop. And eventually I drank again.
I came to understand that this was normal for an alcoholic, and actually to be expected.
I needed more-- I needed to treat the underlying causes of my drinking. I couldn't just "not drink."
See what happens for you.
The first time we try to stop drinking on our own is incredibly significant. Not only because we're acknowledging the need to do something, but also because it begins the process of determining what is required to stop.
Through a lot of failure, I came to understand that it merely starts with the stopping.
When I stopped, I was simply a person badly in need of a drink. And I thought, OK, I'll just ride this out, and eventually I'll become a person who no longer badly needs a drink.
Didn't happen. I stopped physically craving alcohol, sure, but the mental obsession-- the compulsion to put something in my body that would just quiet the nonsense in my head and give me sweet relief from reality-- it didn't stop. And eventually I drank again.
I came to understand that this was normal for an alcoholic, and actually to be expected.
I needed more-- I needed to treat the underlying causes of my drinking. I couldn't just "not drink."
See what happens for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome! I could never control my drinking either.... no matter how much I'd had, I always wanted just one more.
You're doing the right thing by reaching out for support - we know what you're going through. There's a lot of experience, strength and hope on this forum - I'm sure you'll feel right at home!
You're doing the right thing by reaching out for support - we know what you're going through. There's a lot of experience, strength and hope on this forum - I'm sure you'll feel right at home!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 11
Thanks for the warm welcoming party everyone -- even if it's a non alcoholic one.
There are lots of quotables in this thread from all of you and its appreciated.
<< Just felt like using that one even though the last panelist is off by .1, which is .1 higher than my BAC tonight. The temptation was there, the craving was there, but I conquered it this Friday just by staying busy and keeping my mind occupied with other things.
FrothyJay: Glad you enjoyed "The Hangover" reference and I know exactly where you're coming from. My reference to "quitting" in the first post was put in quotes for a reason. I tried because I wanted to, but I eventually caved in for the exact reasons you mentioned...and the fact that I came up with some brand new B.S. justification that "Hey, it's been almost two weeks and I'll be alright just having a glass or two".
Ker-plunk. That failed, sunk, and drowned like water skiing on cinderblocks.
The irony of joining this website is that I at least (in part, and with no offense to anyone) first started drinking because I was hanging out with old friends who were alcoholics. I didn't know that though until later and after a mess of drama that they created for themselves and dragged me into. It was depressing, it was frustrating and I was a magnet for women with all kinds of problems.
I came back to this city after enduring the tragic death of my wife in 2003, after being taken advantage of for over $150,000, after being prosecuted for 22 months for a crime that I didn't even commit but was orchestrated by one of my own clients and a crooked detective, the homelessness that was brought on by that and losing the new soulmate I was lucky enough to have found along the way.
It was supposed to be impossible for me to have beat those charges but I did. Through sheer willpower, fortitude, and the fact that I refused to go down and I refused to accept a plea bargain for something that I was not guilty of. That story is so long and convoluted and this post has already been a novel of TMI so I'll wrap this up and call it a night because it's late.
All of ^^that came to an end in the summer of 2007. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there who have been through much worse but it was a lot to deal with in about a 4 1/2 year time span. Not once did I resort to drinking or drugs. Sadly, three years later after getting back on my feet and opening my own business, overcoming all of that (and a lot more that's just too much to add), I decided to play the victim role after a few bad encounters with a few old friends. I thought I deserved a medal or a prize or something -- what I got was drama and a bunch of messed up people. And I threw a 9 month pity party diving into a bottle and turning myself into what I never wanted to be: weak. smh
I apologize for the novel so I hope that you all will grant me a free pass on this one as a "venting session" of sorts, even though we're just strangers on the internet. One more piece of drama that I'm going to add is an inspirational one and hope that you all enjoy this scene with its poignant metaphor and message: [link wouldn't post because it said I needed at least 15 posts so google "Al Pacino's Peace By Inches Speech"]
It helped me through a lot of dark and lonely times. Hopefully it will do the same for some of you. Good night and keep fighting.
There are lots of quotables in this thread from all of you and its appreciated.
<< Just felt like using that one even though the last panelist is off by .1, which is .1 higher than my BAC tonight. The temptation was there, the craving was there, but I conquered it this Friday just by staying busy and keeping my mind occupied with other things.FrothyJay: Glad you enjoyed "The Hangover" reference and I know exactly where you're coming from. My reference to "quitting" in the first post was put in quotes for a reason. I tried because I wanted to, but I eventually caved in for the exact reasons you mentioned...and the fact that I came up with some brand new B.S. justification that "Hey, it's been almost two weeks and I'll be alright just having a glass or two".
Ker-plunk. That failed, sunk, and drowned like water skiing on cinderblocks.
The irony of joining this website is that I at least (in part, and with no offense to anyone) first started drinking because I was hanging out with old friends who were alcoholics. I didn't know that though until later and after a mess of drama that they created for themselves and dragged me into. It was depressing, it was frustrating and I was a magnet for women with all kinds of problems.
I came back to this city after enduring the tragic death of my wife in 2003, after being taken advantage of for over $150,000, after being prosecuted for 22 months for a crime that I didn't even commit but was orchestrated by one of my own clients and a crooked detective, the homelessness that was brought on by that and losing the new soulmate I was lucky enough to have found along the way.
It was supposed to be impossible for me to have beat those charges but I did. Through sheer willpower, fortitude, and the fact that I refused to go down and I refused to accept a plea bargain for something that I was not guilty of. That story is so long and convoluted and this post has already been a novel of TMI so I'll wrap this up and call it a night because it's late.
All of ^^that came to an end in the summer of 2007. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there who have been through much worse but it was a lot to deal with in about a 4 1/2 year time span. Not once did I resort to drinking or drugs. Sadly, three years later after getting back on my feet and opening my own business, overcoming all of that (and a lot more that's just too much to add), I decided to play the victim role after a few bad encounters with a few old friends. I thought I deserved a medal or a prize or something -- what I got was drama and a bunch of messed up people. And I threw a 9 month pity party diving into a bottle and turning myself into what I never wanted to be: weak. smh
I apologize for the novel so I hope that you all will grant me a free pass on this one as a "venting session" of sorts, even though we're just strangers on the internet. One more piece of drama that I'm going to add is an inspirational one and hope that you all enjoy this scene with its poignant metaphor and message: [link wouldn't post because it said I needed at least 15 posts so google "Al Pacino's Peace By Inches Speech"]
It helped me through a lot of dark and lonely times. Hopefully it will do the same for some of you. Good night and keep fighting.
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