My Story and a fresh start
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
My Story and a fresh start
Hi everyone, my name is Steve and I am an alcoholic.
I have drank my entire adult life and started in my early teens, I am 43 years old now and have been drinking heavy for over 16 years, I remember when my youngest daughter was born, that's when I gave up drugs, my wife gave me the ultimatum, family or drugs.
Before then I could take or leave alcohol but usually took it, one weekend after a 4 day meth run I couldn't sleep and needed to go to work the next day, I had 6 beers in the refrigerator and drank them all as fast as I could to get some sleep, that for me was my trigger point. Nothing could beat the feeling of power drinking, not even drugs...
The rest of the story is very similar to most of yours here, I am not a new member but I gave up posting after dozens of failed attempts of quitting alcohol. My posts were usually composed while drunk and for that I apologize. It seemed the only time I wanted to quit was in the morning while hungover or after 12 to 18 beers when I was about to pass out. This went on night after night for years, stuck in time it seemed, the euphoria of drinking always outweighed the consequences in my alcoholic brain, it still tries to lure me to drink, just one.
19 days ago my daughter, the same little girl I gave up drugs for was in a 4 wheeler accident. She was a 2 hour drive away at a hunting camp, I had literally finished off an 18 pack of bud light, it was around midnight.
My wife insisted we go down to the emergency room were she was, I remember not wanting to go because I was so drunk, but I went, I insisted we stop for another 12 pack to get me through the night.
She had no broken bones, but she was bruised badly, she was not happy to see me, 30 beers, and thought I was in control. I got mad and went for a short walk and got lost. My family finally found me after driving around a while, I even made it back home without passing out. At 5 Am we all crashed.
The next day I drank all day starting around 2pm and came home with another 18 pack that evening.
My wife left me that night, so did my 16 year old daughter, I did drink that 18 pack because I am an alcoholic, they would have stayed had I poured it out. The same ultimatum was given to me, family or alcohol.
The next day the penny had finally dropped, I visualized my dad stumbling around in public while I needed him, finally my secret was out, my wife told her mother how much I really drank, the calls came in to help me and save my family.
I am now 18 days sober, it's the longest time I have been sober in 4 or 5 years.
I am moody, but mostly happy these days, I have gained a lot from this forum, and have never gave you my story, so here it is.
It's day 18 for me and feels like forever but I know it only takes 1 slip and I am right back to square one, thanks for reading.
This time I really think I can make it...
I have drank my entire adult life and started in my early teens, I am 43 years old now and have been drinking heavy for over 16 years, I remember when my youngest daughter was born, that's when I gave up drugs, my wife gave me the ultimatum, family or drugs.
Before then I could take or leave alcohol but usually took it, one weekend after a 4 day meth run I couldn't sleep and needed to go to work the next day, I had 6 beers in the refrigerator and drank them all as fast as I could to get some sleep, that for me was my trigger point. Nothing could beat the feeling of power drinking, not even drugs...
The rest of the story is very similar to most of yours here, I am not a new member but I gave up posting after dozens of failed attempts of quitting alcohol. My posts were usually composed while drunk and for that I apologize. It seemed the only time I wanted to quit was in the morning while hungover or after 12 to 18 beers when I was about to pass out. This went on night after night for years, stuck in time it seemed, the euphoria of drinking always outweighed the consequences in my alcoholic brain, it still tries to lure me to drink, just one.
19 days ago my daughter, the same little girl I gave up drugs for was in a 4 wheeler accident. She was a 2 hour drive away at a hunting camp, I had literally finished off an 18 pack of bud light, it was around midnight.
My wife insisted we go down to the emergency room were she was, I remember not wanting to go because I was so drunk, but I went, I insisted we stop for another 12 pack to get me through the night.
She had no broken bones, but she was bruised badly, she was not happy to see me, 30 beers, and thought I was in control. I got mad and went for a short walk and got lost. My family finally found me after driving around a while, I even made it back home without passing out. At 5 Am we all crashed.
The next day I drank all day starting around 2pm and came home with another 18 pack that evening.
My wife left me that night, so did my 16 year old daughter, I did drink that 18 pack because I am an alcoholic, they would have stayed had I poured it out. The same ultimatum was given to me, family or alcohol.
The next day the penny had finally dropped, I visualized my dad stumbling around in public while I needed him, finally my secret was out, my wife told her mother how much I really drank, the calls came in to help me and save my family.
I am now 18 days sober, it's the longest time I have been sober in 4 or 5 years.
I am moody, but mostly happy these days, I have gained a lot from this forum, and have never gave you my story, so here it is.
It's day 18 for me and feels like forever but I know it only takes 1 slip and I am right back to square one, thanks for reading.
This time I really think I can make it...
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
Thanks for sharing your story & WELL DONE on your 18 days - you are doing SO well.
I really hope your family will recognise your efforts too. I completely relate to drinking despite of the possible consequences
!! WHY?? Oh yeah, I'm alcoholic :u). Wishing you peace.
I really hope your family will recognise your efforts too. I completely relate to drinking despite of the possible consequences!! WHY?? Oh yeah, I'm alcoholic :u). Wishing you peace.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Thanks for sharing your story Somethingbetter. 18 days is a great start! Have you looked into any form of support? I'm also happy to hear you were given another chance with your family. Be thankful for that. A lot of people lose everything before quitting. It's to late to repair the damage. YOU have hope. Good going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Thanks everyone, I was afraid to say anything in the first few days, I have relapsed so many times I felt hopeless, 1 day at a time for now.
I usually wake up about 4 am and lay in bed and think before dosing back off until 6:30 or 7, I could have never done that when I was drinking, I enjoy those clear moments of thought.
Day 18 only counts if I get through the night without a drink, this time of the day is the worst part (after work) but after a good meal the edge is off.
Thanks again everyone,
I usually wake up about 4 am and lay in bed and think before dosing back off until 6:30 or 7, I could have never done that when I was drinking, I enjoy those clear moments of thought.
Day 18 only counts if I get through the night without a drink, this time of the day is the worst part (after work) but after a good meal the edge is off.
Thanks again everyone,
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
SomethingBetter - We're all on your side, & I'm glad you told the whole story. I think it relieves alot of stress to put it all out there.
I know you can do this, because I did it after a lifetime of drinking. I'm quite a bit older than you & had been drinking alot longer, so I know it's possible to lay it down and never pick up again. I have over 3 yrs. now, and I never imagined myself living without my crutch. I'm not sure what I thought was so wonderful about it. In the end, it never made me happy or relaxed - just insane and miserable. Congratulations on your new beginning.
I know you can do this, because I did it after a lifetime of drinking. I'm quite a bit older than you & had been drinking alot longer, so I know it's possible to lay it down and never pick up again. I have over 3 yrs. now, and I never imagined myself living without my crutch. I'm not sure what I thought was so wonderful about it. In the end, it never made me happy or relaxed - just insane and miserable. Congratulations on your new beginning.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Good job on 18 days!! Keep hanging in there (one day at a time!) - After years of drinking, it takes some time to get used to the new normal, but look at it as an adventure, one that includes lots and lots of good things!
Glad you shared what alcohol has done in your life - it's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. Stay strong!
Glad you shared what alcohol has done in your life - it's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. Stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Well I am kinda bummed this morning, I checked my sober time to start my 20th day and realized it has only been 19 days and 7 hours. I guess the other day I put in a wrong date by mistake. I have double checked a few times now lol.
Anyway I wanted to say thanks to Hevyn, I don't know too many people older than me that have quit, that for a while played in my mind and I wondered if I ever could quit myself.
Thanks Artsoul, I look forward to the new normal!
And to Carol, thank you for everything, I am still reading and taking my vitamins, you really helped me even though you may not know it, it has been a roller coster ride this last year. I could never break the six or seven day mark, got to 14 days once and now almost 20!
Anyway I wanted to say thanks to Hevyn, I don't know too many people older than me that have quit, that for a while played in my mind and I wondered if I ever could quit myself.
Thanks Artsoul, I look forward to the new normal!
And to Carol, thank you for everything, I am still reading and taking my vitamins, you really helped me even though you may not know it, it has been a roller coster ride this last year. I could never break the six or seven day mark, got to 14 days once and now almost 20!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 14
Hi there Steve
Steve,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. So many of us are in your same situation. You are a brave person for taking the step to improve your life. I am my fifth day of sobriety and I've never felt better. Yes, I get that urge to swill one down, but I have to maintain strenght and not give in.
I was drinking about 6-8 beers a night, every night for the probably the past 24 years and I am just simply TIRED of it. I am 48 years old and want the rest of my time on this Big Blue Marble to be clear and make the most of my life.
The more I type here on this site the stronger I become. You should be very proud of yourself Steve. Excellent Job !!!
Mike in Nevada
Thanks so much for sharing your story. So many of us are in your same situation. You are a brave person for taking the step to improve your life. I am my fifth day of sobriety and I've never felt better. Yes, I get that urge to swill one down, but I have to maintain strenght and not give in.
I was drinking about 6-8 beers a night, every night for the probably the past 24 years and I am just simply TIRED of it. I am 48 years old and want the rest of my time on this Big Blue Marble to be clear and make the most of my life.
The more I type here on this site the stronger I become. You should be very proud of yourself Steve. Excellent Job !!!
Mike in Nevada
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