Toronto68

I'm trying to understand how the reactions to the opinion about randy men at meetings (in whatever number) is helping out the person with the original question.

I have been in a bad frame of mind about AA lately, as it is, because of a minority of posts here that I don't appreciate for their approach to situations. And now I find this verbal lynching on somebody who made a few broad strokes? It's not even a full moon, so I don't know what's going on.

I think it's worth it to ask to have the posts involved removed or this thread closed, because it's already a mess.

Jil, I don't personally want to go to AA, but I relate to your feelings and recall thinking about it during my first several sober days, weeks, and on and on. I have carried on without it, but I read people here who do use it and I also read from the Big Book for AA once in a while (like once a month or two, nothing constant). It's not for me, and the shortest way for saying why is that I don't choose that as the next best thing I can do for myself.

However, I remember from meetings I DID attend years ago a pleasant feeling when someone would tell a personal story and then the crowd would say "Thank you"; also when the next person would say "I understand." It still makes me a little teary, in fact, because I like it when people make an effort to make an uncomfortable moment better for others. I haven't kept track, but I seem to remember a couple of people saying they were glad they opted to try out a meeting on the outskirts of town (so they wouldn't feel as "watched" or whatever). So that is why I offer that suggestion a lot of times, even though I can't help past that point.

If it feels like it's the right place to go, I hope you will find the courage to go and try it. Otherwise, keep roaming through here and make use of this site until then. If you choose not, fine, keep looing for what works and feels supportive of what you started. Hope you do well either way.

LexieCat

I was responding, somewhat indignantly, because I believe the last thing a scared newcomer needs to hear is that AA is full of "less than savory individuals".

It simply isn't true. So I will be quiet and not disrupt the thread any further, but I did think it was important for a couple of females to assure the OP that AA is not a hotbed of predators.

Toronto68

OK, Lexie, your answer is good enough for me, but I'm not asking for you to stop talking on this thread forevermore through what I said. I'm just surprised it went this way.

I can think of other threads - maybe not in this section - when people talked about women feeling vulnerable and sometimes having feelings for a man in a group. And how other men in the group would hone in on the attention of the man (supposedly with ulterior motives) and jump right in to "create separation" and introduce women to the newbie, etc. That kind of thinking was seen as "gallant" as opposed to sexist and cynical on that particular thread.

In any case, I should probably voice my admission, while I have the opportunity to do so willingly, that I have my outbursts on the message boards indeed.

ChikkaB

My experience with AA has been overwhelmingly positive. If anyone felt a little creeptastic, I'd just move away from them. Same as the real world.

LexieCat

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

Actually, I've also heard of females stalking guys at AA meetings, too. All in all, though, I still feel safer at a meeting than I would almost anywhere.

PaperDolls

Nice hijack folks.

Jil I hope you're doing well.

silly

Definitely not a thread I'd want to Jil to read through though a lot of interesting points were made. I'd just like to say that:
1. AA is NOT scary
2. A person should not feel that they cannot attend an AA meeting alone. whether you're a man or woman, first meeting or 100th meeting, gay or straight, 21 or 71 years old. We're all welcome at AA

Jil, I hope you decided to give a meeting a try.

Creekryder

True, Lexie, the last meeting I attended two years ago, I was "admired" by a woman during the meeting and followed me out to my truck, telling me stories of herself that were a bit off-color and...well, weird. I did not return to that group. I usually don't mind attentions by the fair sex, but this one made me very uncomfortable. So the door can swing both ways. I still do not attend AA, not because of this incident, but would encourage anyone to attend without any fears. All of the meetings I have frequented, except the forementioned, were civil and quite harmless. One should not cut oneself short on a path that may be you're most valuable tool for recovery.

Inafishbowl

Jil, I walked into AA all by myself a month ago. By chance it was a women's meeting. I'm not 21 (38 but not so hard on the eyes, lol), but I will say this. The room was filled with so many women of all ages. The older ones looked like they could be my mother. I took great comfort in that. I can't tell you how much. I just wanted to curl up and lay down on their laps. Since then, I have been attending a number of meetings with people from all walks of life. This is what I love about AA...the humanity in the rooms. The many different people with an infinite amount of pasts and current situations all coming together with one thing in common. Simply a desire to stop drinking. I was really scared too, but I am so glad I went. I would urge you to try it either alone or as people have said with another AA member you find through the main office. Perhaps try a women's group, or don't. I would say this. Try a few before you make any decisions. I personally like this thread. I hope that you can take it all with a grain of salt and just check it out. Really, it can't hurt and my guess is you will actually appreciate it.
Good luck to you.

Kjell

That is well said. So much so I wanted to quote it in hopes it will be read by more people.

Kjell~