One week.. Still deciding on AA
 

So it's been 8 days since I last had a drink. I feel extremely relieved, a week where I remember everything! I keep looking at the AA website, wondering if I should go or not. I'm scared, and alone in this. I don't want to go by myself to the first meeting.. but I don't know who can come with me.

I realized that I have a really great support system.. since I'm 21 not many people understand from my perspective, because they can socially drink. But the great people in my life are the ones who try to be there even if they don't understand. And I have told people to stop telling me 'this is only temporary,' because I know that it's not.

One day at a time. :)

Jil, I remember being scared and alone.
You do not have to go alone to a meeting.
Try calling some of the numbers on the website for the meeting you are interested in.
Someone there will be glad to help you, talk to you before and after the meeting and show you the ropes.
It is part of the service work that comes with being a member of AA.
Sharing our recovery with others.

Beth

Hi Jil and welcome!

Whether you do aa or not please look into something to help you through this important life change. I use SR for my group support and I have a life coach who helps me getting my life back in shape. Both are vital to my sobriety.

Congrats on 8 days!

Hi Jil! Congratulations on 8 days. That's awesome!!

I understand you're fear in going to AA alone. I was scared too but I assure you, you are NOT alone in this. That's one of the great things about AA and finding a home group. You get to know the folks and relate to them and hang out with them.

I suggest, and I know it's not easy, sucking it up and checking out a meeting. You'll be nervous at first but it WILL go away with time. If it's a good group they'll be very welcoming and should make you feel at ease.

Keep us posted and congrats again. I'm proud of you. :)

Congrats on 8 days!!

I'm still trying to get to my first meeting - bottled it last minute a few days ago. Someone mentioned to me about ringing the AA national number and they can try to arrange for you to go with someone so your not on you own - so that might be an idea. I think if someone has met me i would have went.

There are other options you can think about instead of AA - counselling, community teams etc so you can also do a bit of research and see what you find thats local to you.

You seem pretty clear what you think about your drinking - just dont feel pressurised by others. A friends of mine said she wouldn't go on a night out with me if I wasn't drinking as it would be boring! I'd rather be boring than drunk again!

Jil it is scary. Asking for help is something alcoholics don't do well. Someone said it here recently: Play the tape all the way through. What horrible thing is going to happen if you go?

If you want to go, Beth has some good advice, pick up the phone, it only seems like it weighs 100 lbs. Think of it as your good deed for the day, you will be helping somebody else keep sober.

Congrats on your 8 days!

I was scared too...I called the phone number finally for my county AA chapter and the woman I talked to was very reassuring. In some places, you can ask for someone to go with you. This might help:

Your First AA Meeting<

Welcome to the family.:)

Yay Jil!

Congrats and nothing to worry about at all.

AA is full of people, just like you, trying to live a sober life.

You could even say it was made for you :)

Kjell

Hi Jil! Congratulations on 8 days!!!!! :bday7

Jill, I think we can all relate to the fear and anxiety around attending your first AA meeting. Going alone is stressful, I know. But do keep in mind that AA is one of the most welcoming groups you'll find. I live in a large city and meeting "hop" often in order to find the groups that best fit me. So I'm often walking into a room for the first time. It's really rare that I feel less than 110% welcome. I went to a new meeting last week and I was barely in the door before people began coming up to me to say hello.

Also, a lot of cities and towns have Young Peoples meetings. Or perhaps a local college or technical school has an AA meeting? Then you're sure to meet people your age, too.

Jil,

Congrats on your first week sober. Do check out that link that Stevie posted--it's a terrific article, and pretty accurate, in my estimation. It responds with a lot of info that helps to dispel some of the fears and misconceptions people might have about AA.

Not only that, there is NO obligation to continue with it (though I have a feeling once you've tried even a handful of meetings you will absolutely love it).

If you go to a meeting, I would strongly recommend that you go with someone you know and trust. It need not be someone who drinks or that is in AA.

Personally, I would not want a 21 yo female friend of mine going there alone their first time.

Depending on the particular group, there can be some less-than-savory individuals present. Avoid anyone who goes up to have a court slip signed - they are there by force of law and not by choice.

Not everyone who appears to be a nice is nice.

Trust your instincts.

- JBC

Not to pull the sexism card but I'm going to anyhow... would you say this to a 21 year old man? And why would you assume a 21 year old woman is somehow vulnerable in a way that someone not 21/not female might be?

A demeaning assumption, IMO. Although I am sure you meant well.

I agree. Sheesh, AA meetings are full of the nicest people I know. You can find jerks in ANY venue.

Most of us didn't stay out of bars because of the potential for meeting "less-than-savory individuals," and I've met more creepos in a single night at a bar than I've met in months of AA meetings.

When's the last time you darkened an AA door, John? Just wondering, because it hasn't reflected MY experience at ALL. And I've been around for two and a half years of at least twice-a-week meetings.

Hi Jil

My first AA meeting, I couldn't sit still - jumpy all the time and anxious as hell - but when everyone told their stories I heard a lot of my own in them and quickly realized I was in a place where people knew what I was going through and could relate in only a way fellow alcoholics could. I got a lot of hope that day just from seeing people my age who had gotten sober, stayed sober, and were happy living that way. The phone numbers helped too, if I need someone to call outside of a meeting.

Young women often choose to go to bars with friends rather than alone for precisely this reason, do they not?

I went to a meeting twice in the last week, four times the previous week. The truth is that there are unsavory individuals in some of the rooms.

While I am not a woman, I was going to gay bars in my teens. I do have some knowledge of predatory older-male behavior. Given the option, they older guys will scope out and go for the young ones - fresh meat.

I saw similar behavior at the gay AA meetings.

Being forewarned is being forearmed.

- JBC

Nice try, but I wasn't born yesterday.

A quick Google search on "AA 13th step" gets 157,000 results, 199 on Sober Recovery Alone.

- JBC

Oh, please.

Gimme a break. All a young female newcomer needs to do is to stick with the women at the meetings--at most groups these days, the women are about a third of the membership. There are also women's meetings.

I have seen occasional predatory behavior, but the biggest risk is to the newcomer's sobriety, not her physical safety.

Like I said, AA has its creepos, but there is also predatory behavior in the corporate world. Nobody warns naive young things not to go to work.

Oh please, and nor was I. I pretty much guarantee I have experiences beyond your wildest imagination. I live beyond google and have no clue what your "13 step" refers to. Nor do I care, and I'm not googling it so eff you and the horse you rode in on.

At 14 years old I was tending bar; at 17 I was managing bars, in a different continent. This was when managing a bar was a man's job. I'm not a man. At 19 years old I took off to travel in the middle east by myself because I liked the art. In my mid 20s I took a job driving a semi all over the USA all by myself. I have driven on three continents and gotten traffic tickets in three of those.

Do not EVER tell me that you weren't "born yesterday" because I guaran-*******-tee you my cred trumps yours. And your little attempt at establishing cred by mentioning "google" (my aren't you avante garde) is a ******* joke.