Hitekredneck

day 16 - not too bad today, a few weekends under my belt - that's a good sign. and now the buddies are calling - where ya been man? what's up brother?

so I tell em, I'm drying out. I'm going to AA, I'm putting the drink behind me.

"nahhh, you don't have to do that! just stay off the hard stuff, you're fine with just beer. why do you think you need to do this?... well ok then, whatever I'll be here and you know I support ya, but you don't need to man"

how contradicting is that!

how in the world do you explain to a non alcoholic that you would rather sit in the basement alone without any family or friends and drink yourself numb than to go out and catch a game with them? that each time you would go for a beer, when you got home you would finish a fifth of bourbon? that you plan the day around what time the drinking can start, where you'll be, what kind of drink it will be tonight etc etc?

I'm waking up a little more each day through AA and realizing how mentally sick I am. I don't think I need to explain this to the enth degree to everyone but I certainly want to somehow communicate how tough this really is and how much of a necessity this is for me.

I feel like a drama queen when I explain all the scheming and planning that I've done. I don't want the pity parade, I just want my closest family and friends to really understand me when I say this is REALLYY FREAKIN' HARD!
AND IT'S NOT A CHOICE - IT'S A NECESSITY !!!

thoughts, comments, advice???

thanks everyone.

EmeraldRose

Good Decision.

Dee74

Some of my mates just couldn't understand...and probably still don't.

I remember trying desperately to get them to understand - nuh.

I decided in the end that maybe they didn't need to understand...but I did.

I knew what was right for me - I moved on with my life and they moved on with theirs.
stick with it Hitekredneck

D

Jeb18

I can't thank you enough with that post.

Yah all my friends drink and drink and drink, but they still don't think I have a problem.

When I almost died because of it.

They say, "just control your self and slow down".

Well I'm an alcoholic and that just isn't me.

So I just ignore them.

If I wanna get sober, I gotta get sober friends. That's just it.

Missybuns

It makes me feel better to know that it is a choice. When I make that choice I am deciding to change my life and choosing not to use drugs or alcohol...it's empowering. When I make that very healthy decision it builds my self-esteem.

It may be a necessity, however that does not eliminate your choice.

And you are right....they don't get it.

Anna

When I finally stopped drinking, I didn't tell anyone. I was very vulnerable and I would have found it very hard to deal with people telling me that I didn't really have a problem. I did have a problem, and like you, it was a necessity for me to stop drinking.

Know that it's very hard for others to understand what we go through. That's why SR is a good support system.

Fandy

i guess because I'm older that I get more support from my true friends...but my friends really don't have a problem with drinking...i know this for a fact, because I have watched them drink, both when I was drinking and when I am not....they will have one or maybe 2 all night long, I was the one who drank before the party at home, during the party I could finish wine, pitcher or margs. or whatever and then drink 3-4-5 more glasses when i got home (no driving involved, i could totter across the street safely to home).

i attended a party last summer bringing my own *bottle* of Smart Water...at one point, my friend said to me "HOW can you just drink that"? i gave her a 15 minute speech about how i had started to drink at 8AM and the big slide into depression.....she got it and although she might not understand, she never questioned my decision again.

50BER

Wow that is so true......that was me, every day and hiding it (not well) from my family. So supporting to see it's not just me.

Danae

Hi,

This is a familiar problem!

In my case my mother kept trying to get me to have "just one drink". I had to keep saying no, more and more emphatically. This was unpleasant and I suspect she still doesn't get it (although how that can be true when my father was an alcoholic, I'm not sure).

Friends have been easier for me. I say I'm taking a break (no need to mention it is permanent), or trying to lose weight, etc etc. Often that doesn't cause much of a stir. There are a number of threads at SR on the subject. Early sobriety is difficult enough without putting yourself in the way of temptation. This may not be the best time to try to explain it all to old friends, I don't know.

Living Sober, an AA book you can get at meetings has some helpful hints on this issue (pages 64-70). Other books on alcoholism often have sections on this as well.

Good luck and welcome.

D

reggiewayne

Welcome Hitekredneck. Wow. Your post pretty much describes me coming into the program to a T. I know all about going out for a few beers with the buddies only to come home and hit the whiskey. My friends also said I didn't have a problem. The reason they thought that is because I tried as hard as possible to hide my real drinking from them.

It would be like telling a person that is a habitual and skillful liar that you never knew they lied so much. Duh. No Sh!t. My best (or actually worst) drinking was always done alone. Sure, I knew how to drink with friends and co-workers, but the real drinking started when they stopped. And the time of night never mattered. If I went out with people from work and got home at 11pm, I would still start my real drinking and then drink until it was done with me, not when I was done with it!

It's like having sex with a gorilla. IT decides when we're done, not ME.

You're in the right place. Keep going to meetings and being honest with yourself and others. You know the truth. Best of luck to you!

wpainterw

"They" just don't get it. But the important thing is you got it. That's what counts. Don't try to explain it to them. They'll never understand. They don't want to since they want a drinking buddy. My dad said that I'd never have any trouble if I drank beer. He bought the beer for me. By the case. Later on I turned to gin and other stuff.
The key to it all is not to drink alcohol. If this means giving up some friends for awhile so be it. You can pick up more friends in AA or any other similar recovery group. It's just a matter of survival. Just a matter of life or death. That's all. Simple as that. Don''t drink, live and be happy. Good luck.

W.

LexieCat

One great thing about getting older is I no longer feel the need to explain myself, to have people understand me. I honestly think life works that way.

Why do you think there are so many crabby older people? No need to please everybody all the time!

Aurora80

Congrats on 16 days!

I know exactly what you're talking about. I told a couple people close friends and family I decided to quit drinking and go to meetings and I was met with eyerolls, raised eyebrows and basically told I was being dramatic and/or going too far... that I wasn't an alcoholic, I just needed to slow down.

I've figured this out about people... they're either not alcoholics so they don't understand, or they have a drinking problem they're not ready to deal with (or are in denial about) and don't want to be left behind. The only people (in my life) who really get it are other alcoholics/addicts who are also in recovery. Which is why this is a great place to get extra support.

And yeah, it's hard as hell.

stanleyhouse

They will never "get it" but hopefully they respect your decision. Some of us on SR really "get it" and will listen with no pity party. It is hard to be in recovery but it is pure torture, drinking to die.
SH

LaFemme

Um Reggie...thanks for the gorilla sex image....that ones gonna stay with me

16 days is awesome...congrats!

Most of my friends aren't big drinkers so explaining to them wasn't an issue. I also used to drink before and after seeing friends...and coukd start at 11 at night. Thank god! I was finally home and could drink in peace!

So I just told them I quit....said the taste didn't do it for me abymore and id didn't like the feeling...no one really questioned me.

Now my parents still offer me a drink all the time when I visit. I know and accept that there isn't anything I can do about this. I have to let it go.

For me if I need to talk to people who know what its like I come here.

ru12

Congrats on day 16!

I don't make a big production of my sobriety. If I am offered a drink I decline. I don't even explain anymore. For me, it just isn't an option. I feel so much better these days too.

wander2

Boy sitting alone and drinking yourself numb sounds familiar. Not sure why but more and more I prefer to drink alone. I guess I can drink faster without being judged. I also need to quit and am working on it.

LaFemme

Welcome Wander!

You've come to a good place Feel free to start your own thread so everyone can say Hi! I didn't know we could do that when I joined so never introduced myself properly...lol. I started drinking alone pretty early on, when I was living overseas..I knew it was a bad sign then, but I made all sorts of excuses...then when I was living on my own, with no drinking neighbors, I couldn't pretend anymore.

Kjell

I sort of think about it like this.

Me, trying to explain my alcoholism to people who drink it like trying to explain skin cancer to those who sunbath.

They simply won't understand why I stayed in the sun so long without sun screen when they didn't.

I had to change my people, places, and things before my recovery really took off. That took making some hard decisions (and not just from me, some of my "friends" aren't really that interested in the new, sober me).

We have to do whatever it takes, right?

Kjell

Boleo

Welcome to the "Real Alcoholic" club. I tried to "choose" not-drinkin ODAAT and found it worked about 99.99% of the time. The problem was alcohol was tempting me about 10,000 thousand times a month. Thus I ended up drinking about once a month and blacked out for 3 - 5 days when I did. 99.99% was obviously not good enough for me. I had lost the power of choice in the long run. If alcohol tempted me enough, I drank, pure and simple.

In order for me to stay sober I had to get to a point where the temptation was removed before I had to even make a choice. Probably the best kept secret in recovery is that a spiritual awakening is the;

1. Most reliable way to stay sober.
2. Most comfortable way to stay sober.
3. Most enjoyable way to stay sober.