risckyr

Just wondering about sponsors. I have heard you should want what they have, if you like thier program. How high should i set my standards. Should i pick a sponsor just to have one even if i dont really like the way they work their program or run their life. Or should i wait untill on fits?

stugotz

I tried to have "buddy" sponsers, ones that could recite the Big Book backwards, and ones that could captivate the whole room by sharing. What worked for me was the guy who lives a sober life in all his affairs in and out of the rooms. Its easy to get starstruck at first. Good luck.

risckyr

I had a sponsor but her personal life was a mess. She still did things sober that i hope i will never do sober. So it was too weird for me.

Ghostly

Wanna bump this up to see if you can get more responses. I don't have experience with AA. If you have more questions there may be a better Thread to ask this in.

Missybuns

What I wanted to find in a sponsor in a 12 step program is:

1. someone who has worked the steps
2. who has a sponsor of their own
3. who I feel I can be completely honest with
4. someone I feel is trustworthy
5. someone who will encourage me but won't blow sunshine up my ass
6. someone willing to share their own experience through step work
7. someone who lives the program (as opposed to talking the program)

To me, my recovery is a matter of life or death. Sponsorship is extremely important in such an important matter.
I am careful not to put my sponsor on a pedistal. Afterall they are human and are simply offering their experience and guidance through the 12 steps.
My recovery is my responsibility and not that of my sponsor.

I learned to look for the above qualities through trial and error. It's ok to learn as you go.
I asked questions of some people to help me decide if one fits.

Just don't pick up and use before you get going on the steps.

Great questions!

Peace,
Missy

ste

Sounds like you have good standards to me. Keep in mind you can change sponsors, though you might step on some toes (read that ego) doing so.

sailorjohn

They say 'don't compare', but if you can honestly compare yourself favorably to your sponsor, I'd say its time to find a new sponsor.

And take your time, sit with a lot of different people.

Toronto68

Risc, I am not using AA, but I noticed someone the other day here talking about the process she went through to get one. (There was a lot of on again/off again for various reasons, but not because she went back to drinking or quit AA; she didn't.) I was impressed by what she said. She said she did a good job of paying attention to people at meetings and she knew what to do when she thought she wanted the same kind of sobriety that person had. One of the people she picked prior to that turned out to be more of a friend than a sponsor, so she switched and kept working on it.

There are people here who say it is good to get a temp sponsor, probably because it's good to get going on the Steps. And then the actual sponsor will hopefully come along. A lot of people say it's the Steps are what make the difference for a person and not merely the meetings. Other people don't do the Steps and just like to include a meeting once in a while.

I am not in that section of the site every day, but there might be more about how to get a sponsor in the 12 Step section of Alcoholism. There are also brochures about what a sponsor is all about, and those are probably available at an AA meeting place. (I have seen mention of these.) Maybe online too.