Fed up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Fed up
Hi
I'm down in the dumps at the moment.
I'm just tired. Tired of having so much to do. I'm tired of the thoughts concerning drinking and everything it involves running round my head almost 24/7.
I feel angry too that I can't be like other people who can just have the one then not drink anymore. I feel angry at any relatives (living or dead) who have suffered with this and may have passed it down to me. It's like I want to say this is hard work and I'm fed up of it.
I felt naffed off at an AA meeting the other day. There was someone there having the longest share ever and it just grated on me.
I'm just venting, trying to get things off my chest.
I don't want to be like this. I don't want to have a drink problem. I just want it all to go away and leave me in peace.
When will these thoughts leave me?
Thanks
I'm down in the dumps at the moment.
I'm just tired. Tired of having so much to do. I'm tired of the thoughts concerning drinking and everything it involves running round my head almost 24/7.
I feel angry too that I can't be like other people who can just have the one then not drink anymore. I feel angry at any relatives (living or dead) who have suffered with this and may have passed it down to me. It's like I want to say this is hard work and I'm fed up of it.
I felt naffed off at an AA meeting the other day. There was someone there having the longest share ever and it just grated on me.
I'm just venting, trying to get things off my chest.
I don't want to be like this. I don't want to have a drink problem. I just want it all to go away and leave me in peace.
When will these thoughts leave me?
Thanks
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Are you early in sobriety? EArly days can be very up and down, I know my feelings were all over the map for a few weeks. It does settle down tho.
Just stay sober and be good to yourself, work on your Self too. Be grateful for your blessings. Take time to notice the little things. You will be alright. It just takes some time.
Just stay sober and be good to yourself, work on your Self too. Be grateful for your blessings. Take time to notice the little things. You will be alright. It just takes some time. 
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Sasha, something that helped me was realizing that I don't have to believe everything I think. Along the lines of: "My brain is telling me it is angry over something I have no control over." Gaining a different perspective on your thoughts takes some of the power away. Your thoughts, disease, emotions, are not you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Sasha))) - when I first got into recovery, I, too, was angry. I was mad that I couldn't use, on occasion, without consequences. I was frustrated at the consequences, that still occur with almost 4 years clean.
I was advised to make a gratitude list, and that ticked me off. I finally did it, and said (through gritted teeth) "I'm grateful for a soft bed and pillow, as they were anything BUT when I was locked up.
I prayed to be willing to be willing to not want to use on a regular basis. I don't knowh much time it took before I could drop one of the willings. I relived my using and felt shame, but finally accepted that I did what I did, but I had the opportunity to do things right.
I'm going to have 4 years of recovery in less than a month, and I still have times where I beat myself down but I think of all the things of where I've made some really good decisions. Today? I am on meds that I could seriously beat myself down, but they dont last long.
Recovery takes time, and there are often backslides, but we can recover quickl
Early recovery takes time. We deal with anger, frustration, remorse, shame, etc. However, the more you keep doing the "next right thing" the better it gets. I also remember how bad I'd gotten and how I don't want to go back there. If using/drinking was so great, we wouldn't be trying to work recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was advised to make a gratitude list, and that ticked me off. I finally did it, and said (through gritted teeth) "I'm grateful for a soft bed and pillow, as they were anything BUT when I was locked up.
I prayed to be willing to be willing to not want to use on a regular basis. I don't knowh much time it took before I could drop one of the willings. I relived my using and felt shame, but finally accepted that I did what I did, but I had the opportunity to do things right.
I'm going to have 4 years of recovery in less than a month, and I still have times where I beat myself down but I think of all the things of where I've made some really good decisions. Today? I am on meds that I could seriously beat myself down, but they dont last long.
Recovery takes time, and there are often backslides, but we can recover quickl
Early recovery takes time. We deal with anger, frustration, remorse, shame, etc. However, the more you keep doing the "next right thing" the better it gets. I also remember how bad I'd gotten and how I don't want to go back there. If using/drinking was so great, we wouldn't be trying to work recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm not a saint - I can be a brat....sometimes I still find myself teed off at my lot in life...and my grievance list is a lot longer than just 'alcoholism'...
but then I drag out some old songs or old writing and I look at the Dee who was drinking...it's not only a miracle I'm where I am today...it's a miracle I'm alive.
I have a lot to be thankful for - it makes my grievance list look like the full stop it is
I hope tomorrow is a better day Sasha
D
but then I drag out some old songs or old writing and I look at the Dee who was drinking...it's not only a miracle I'm where I am today...it's a miracle I'm alive.
I have a lot to be thankful for - it makes my grievance list look like the full stop it is
I hope tomorrow is a better day Sasha
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Today was a really good day.
Nothing exciting happened.
But I felt more peaceful and happy. Bit more carefree.
I think I just feel a bit swamped at the moment. Going back to work full time, being a mum of a little one, looking after a house. My free time is spent going to meetings. I do no other activities apart from this.
Don't get me wrong I adore being with my baby.
But maybe just once I would like to go to the cinema, hangout with a friend.
Thanks for caring you guys
xx
Nothing exciting happened.
But I felt more peaceful and happy. Bit more carefree.
I think I just feel a bit swamped at the moment. Going back to work full time, being a mum of a little one, looking after a house. My free time is spent going to meetings. I do no other activities apart from this.
Don't get me wrong I adore being with my baby.
But maybe just once I would like to go to the cinema, hangout with a friend.
Thanks for caring you guys
xx
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Getting balance is important. And tackling a to-do list. My little girl has been sick and I'm having some physical issues that are making life painful (I'm pregnant. it's pregnancy related). And today I MADE myself open the windows and mop the floor. I feel much better. I'm constantly surprised at how easy it can be to give myself a LITTLE lift (I'm not implying that you can turn around your life by mopping the floor, for example).
But as an alcoholic I have 17 years of practice at sitting on the couch, stewing over a wine glass. It's taking me a while to make ACTION my default reaction.
Gratitude is awesome, too. I remember one dark night a few months back lying in bed trying to think of 10 things to be grateful for. It wound up being like "I am grateful for waking up without a hangover, I am grateful that I was not drinking at noon, I am grateful that I didn't drink at dinner"
Basically sometimes the only real high point of the day is sobriety. And that's OK, too. It won't always be like that!
But as an alcoholic I have 17 years of practice at sitting on the couch, stewing over a wine glass. It's taking me a while to make ACTION my default reaction.
Gratitude is awesome, too. I remember one dark night a few months back lying in bed trying to think of 10 things to be grateful for. It wound up being like "I am grateful for waking up without a hangover, I am grateful that I was not drinking at noon, I am grateful that I didn't drink at dinner"
Basically sometimes the only real high point of the day is sobriety. And that's OK, too. It won't always be like that!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
You mentioned AA. Keep working those steps and keep working with your sponsor.
I'm almost through all 12 and I hardly ever think about drinking any more. Now I'm on to learning how to live again, which of course has it's own struggles, but it's progress.
Also, try helping other people when you're feeling bad. It works every. single. time.
Kjell
I'm almost through all 12 and I hardly ever think about drinking any more. Now I'm on to learning how to live again, which of course has it's own struggles, but it's progress.
Also, try helping other people when you're feeling bad. It works every. single. time.
Kjell
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Sasha, in my experience, the desire to drink did not go away until I had undergone a complete transformation. A psychic change, an Awakening, a re-birth...I don't know what you want to call it, but it's an entire 180 from my previous self.
At first I stopped drinking because I wanted to change my life. Slowly but surely, I began to change little things about myself. But I guess at some point I turned the corner. Instead of changing things just in order to do things differently, I began doing the right things simply because they were the right thing to do. Early in my recovery, I had to constantly focus on what to do in any given situation, because the action I instinctively wanted to take was always the wrong one. So I had to think really hard and figure out the right move to make.
Again, at some point, and I'm not entirely sure when, it became the opposite. I began to instinctively know the right thing to do, and to do the other would be completely going against myself. Once I reached that point, I guess, is when the drinking ceased to become a problem. Now I don't have to focus on not drinking; I just know that I shouldn't. For me to drink, now, I'd have to convince myself that my innate beliefs are completely wrong. And I just don't think I can do that.
At first I stopped drinking because I wanted to change my life. Slowly but surely, I began to change little things about myself. But I guess at some point I turned the corner. Instead of changing things just in order to do things differently, I began doing the right things simply because they were the right thing to do. Early in my recovery, I had to constantly focus on what to do in any given situation, because the action I instinctively wanted to take was always the wrong one. So I had to think really hard and figure out the right move to make.
Again, at some point, and I'm not entirely sure when, it became the opposite. I began to instinctively know the right thing to do, and to do the other would be completely going against myself. Once I reached that point, I guess, is when the drinking ceased to become a problem. Now I don't have to focus on not drinking; I just know that I shouldn't. For me to drink, now, I'd have to convince myself that my innate beliefs are completely wrong. And I just don't think I can do that.
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