Doobles

Hi all,

I am new to this site and reading all the posts has really hit a few spots. I am not sure if I am an alcoholic or not, even though my husband and parents say I need to "watch it".

I can quite easily go without alcohol during the week but come Friday I really look forward to one/two drinks - and that isn't a problem for me, I don't need more.

Where my problem comes in is socially. I just cannot seem to control my intake when I am in that “party” mode. I just drink and drink (Gin and Tonics) until I am eventually drunk. The thing is – most other people can “feel” when they are getting drunk and I just do not get a warning, I literally drink until I am drunk and I don’t know how I get to that point.

My other concern is that I am so SCARED to stop drinking as I feel as if I do not know how to have fun without it. Most of our friends are party animals and rather big on drinking and I just cannot imagine joining them and not having alcohol.

Has anyone else been in this predicament and how do you handle these things? All I want to be able to do is drink in moderation (socially, which is my downfall) and not let my mind be consumed with alcohol when I cannot have it.

Dee74

Hi Doobles

Welcome

I was a weekend warrior too...once. It's binge drinking - but I had the same inability to stop and the same feeling I needed to drink to feel comfortable in social situations.

I didn't do anything about it tho...and eventually, sometime - maybe even while I was binging - I crossed the alcoholic line...I ended up all day every day drinker.

If you are an alcoholic like me, you won't be able to control your drinking Doobles...not consistently...I could probably the odd night here and there - just enough to make me think I could do it on a regular basis.

Most of us give moderation a go...and most of us fail, but you're entitled to try. We're here for support whatever happens

D

simplyfab

It was an overwhelming feeling for me. The idea of never drinking again w/ friends, family, coworkers almost made me hyperventilate!
How would I have a good time?
I would even try and picture myself in a weekend situation and it felt unnatural.
Those were our "goodtimes"
How am I still gonna have those if I'm in a different state of mind as everybody else?

But its something that had to come to terms w/ if I wanted to stop falling through the dark abyss I was in.
My drinking was way out of control.
I was the party drinker that turned into an alcoholic who drank at home and would binge drink for days.
You're not there, and I hope you never do get there.
It did start w/ my SO asking me to slow it down.
I should've seen the red flags because eventually, on my "weekend social drinking" I started to drink to make sure I got drunk. Not even just to party and have a good time.
Once I had alcohol in me, my mind was stuck on getting drunk.

You should definitely take their concerns to heart. They're the ones who want whats best for you and see that maybe there's a little bit of a problem.

And you should listen to yourself as well.
My conscience was screaming at me before things got too out of hand.
I shut it out...

Im only 4 months sober, and have been in situations where everybody was drinking and sometimes its an easy night and sometimes, I either know I can't go, or struggle through it, have a few laughs and go home.
I'm not gonna lie and say its so easy and nothing changes, but that's not the truth.
You're worried because you know things are gonna change. And thats what scares you.
But you shouldn't let that determine whether you should stop or not. Nor make it easy for you to ignore your little voice.
Because eventually, the party does stop and other things in life take precedence.

Sorry..I'm rambling.
I tend to do that...
maybe you don't even relate to my situation
but whatever you decide..make sure to stay true to yourself and be honest w/ yourself.
Listen to yourself..you'll know if there's a problem or not.

Good luck w/ you...

bochuck

Dee I was exactely the same. Bindge drinking became almost a daily thing. Some people just can't have a few!!!!

flutter

I was a binge drinker, until I wasn't. As facetious as that sounds, it's true. My weekends bled into my weekdays until I was using alcohol for pretty much every excuse in the book. However, binge drinking by itself is dangerous and it sounds like you're finding that it's a problem in your life.

I was worried when I quit drinking that I'd lose my friends. What I found was that we had absolutely nothing in common other than drinking, and they were toxic to my new sober life. They actually wanted nothing to do with me outside of our drinking get togethers, and though disappointing.. it was reality.

Living sober is just that, and entire life change. I had (what most alcoholics fantasize about at first) thoughts of 'if I could just control it' 'if I could drink in moderation'.. but the fact remained that never ever worked for me. I liked feeling drunk, I liked being out of control in some ways. To live as healthy and sane as I can, I had to just stop.. for good. I haven't regretted it yet.. and I've made new friends, found new social activities, and new ways to cope with the triumphs and tragedies of life.

Glad you're here.. you'll find lots of support, experience and friendship on these boards.

Stevie1

Hey Doob, I was also for many years a weekend/party drinker. No social anxiety here but after my drinking became a daily-to-blackout thing and I quit the first time I couldn't comprehend the idea of having fun socially while sober. Luckily I had supportive friends and for the most part surprised myself that it was indeed possible to have fun without drinking.

I've been on and off the wagon for years now...but looking back I can honestly say the best times in my life were sober, not drunk.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

That was a rhetorical question, correct?

Lessee, why can't someone control their drinking?

Hmmm......

Kmber2010

Welcome Doob and glad you are here.

I am completely with Dee as I started out very similar with just weekend or event drinking. Found I just seemed to keep going once I started and well didn't see a problem at that time since it was limited to those times. I was also told to slow down or hey watch it.

Over time and once I started liking the escape I found in the bottle to handle problems in my life - depression, etc. well I worked my way up to daily all day drinker. Oh I could still manage to keep myself sober when needed (thats where I thought I was still in "control") but the truth was my mind raced about getting home and getting my drink on.

I found that moderating/cutting back/controlling it.....didn't work and it was progressive. Trust me....I like many with drinking issues don't necessarily fit the bill. I was fooled by that and wish I had only known sooner how much brighter and better my life all around could be - sober. Thankfully I did find it and am grateful everyday.

Good you see this now as I spent so many years headbanging and not reaching out for support.

You have our support!

jamdls

I was the same way too "only" getting drunk in social situations and I went on that way for years then my "social situation" was home alone on a Friday night, I couldn't imagine life w/o alcohol. Eventually I had 1 too many drunken nights and just said enough is enough, I missed it tremendously for about a year now I can't really remember what the heck it was I missed, the embarrassing often shameful things I did or said? the self loathing? the hangovers? the sallow complexion? I found that people, other than the really heavy drinkers, like me a heck of a lot more sober and I LOVE me sober.

Kjell

Hi Doob and welcome to SR.

I wanted to control my drinking, I never wanted to quit. The idea of not ever drinking again terrified me.

For me, it took a lot of pain and consequence before I even thought about quitting for good. I mean PAIN and lots of it.

I hope, if you're an alcoholic, you can learn quicker than I could and find recovery.

...and there is a BIG beautiful world out there that doesn't involve alcohol. I'm just learning about it, but it's there for those who want it.

Keep asking questions, but don't fear the answers. The truth, however painful, will set you free.

Haha! I'm on fire today

Kjell

blackhorse

I knew i liked drinking and the feeling it gave me but i didm't think i was an alcoholic because like you it was a weekend thing. I seemed to have some control over it. Very quickly out of nowherte it gtook control over me gto the oint where i was utterly powerless. The thing is, becoz it's a progressive illness it creeps up on you and you don't know youve got it until thingd get pretty out of control. Binges had long gone, life just became a gentle flow of wine constantly running through my veins.... i'd become an alcoholic and here i am.

least

Same ol' same ol'... I tried so many times to 'control' my drinking but never succeeded. It controlled me, plain and simple. The thought of giving it up scared the crap out of me, but giving it up for good literally got 'the crap' out of me, I'm a better happier person sober.

Welcome to our recovery family.

Hevyn

Doobles - It's great that you're questioning your drinking habits now. I was also just like you many years ago. Over time, my partying on weekends turned into drinking all day. I was completely out of control & in danger of losing my life in the end.

It's great to have you here with us. As Dee said, we're here to support you. I never was able to moderate my drinking, though - it led to many wasted & lost years. Keep talking to us!

Toronto68

Doobles, it sounds like you are different from the friends who are party animals. Maybe they can detach themselves from alcohol and maybe you can't. The desire to "just drink socially" and have fun - instead of SUFFER - is an extremely common thing to want. If you really need to be away from drinking, then there might come a point in time when you will be prepared to drop the friends and the parties if that's what it takes.

I'm not an expert on all the types of anxiety, but from a general perspective, it is possible to come out of addictive drinking and deal with life again. It just takes time and re-learning some things, and some people learn some things more easily than others. I am still in the process.

Frenchconnectio

Doobles, I tried a few things (I was a Gin drinker in my thirties). Have them use a pint glass, instead of a rocks glass. Keep the straw of each drink in your pocket, or next to your smokes (if you do), or a friend whom you respect, to help you keep track. Also, try taking just enough money for a couple of drinks, and don't accept offers.

These didn't work for me, but maybe they will for you. Since you're aware much earlier than I, perhaps you may not be an alcoholic. Although, I do tell people to think about going one year without. The thoughts that go through their head may be telling.

Congrats on your self awareness.

Winer249er

I've been reading some material, that addicts abuse whatever to numb their deepest feelings of inadequacy, powerlessnesss, self-loathing, low self-esteem, etc. And speaking for myself, I never feel more inadequate than when I'm in social situations.

If I believe the theory, and I think I do, we use alcohol to escape those feelings of core hurts. It's really an almost desperate need to escape....we feel that if people knew who we really are, they wouldn't like us very much.

The problem is that the addict's view of themself is very skewed. The illness of alcoholism is responsible for that, maybe childhood trauma, maybe just a core personality...whatever. We have a strong tendency to not see how wonderful we can be. So we get some liquid courage.

I don't know if all this is true or if this resonates. I'm new to this myself. It kind of works for me.

Missybuns

Are you answering your own question?

Welcome to SR!

I remember when I felt afraid, not knowing what it would be like without partying

Eventually that evolved into:

I remember when I felt afraid, not knowing what it would be like without using alcohol/drugs)

Eventually that evolved into:

I remember when I felt afraid, not knowing what it would be like to continue using.

I couldn't live with OR without it......or so I told myself.

We can find a new way to live. And quite frankly, to be honest, I made a much bigger deal out of my fears than I needed to.

I had a desire to get clean, to lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live.

That is when my life changed. I used a 12 step program to the best of my ability and have been clean and in recovery for a while now.

There is plenty of help when you are ready.

bests to you,
Missy

CarolD

Welcome to sR....

Maybe your friends are also getting drunk at parties?
Then you give yourself permission to over do too.

Jeb18

I feel like I've been in your shoes. That part of our brain telling us that we are getting drunk is bypassed by our alcoholic minds. Also if I were you I make it a competition to see who drinks the slowest and is the last one drunk.

NEOMARXIST

I couldn't control myself in social situations when I took a drink, which was every single social occasion from 14 pretty much. I got to the stage where I became ashmed and embarrassed about my lack of control because everybody was calming down or whatever and i was there getting deeper and deeper. So I stopped drinking with anybody else and just isolated drinking alone away in my room and then when I no longer could do that drinking alone in parks, football pitches or just walking round town.

I am an alcoholic and realistically always drank differently to even my mates who I used to hang out with. I am still dealing with the result of my drinking in relation to social stuff and emotional growth and coping with feelings.

I'm glad I don't add alcohol to the mix because sometimes just putting up with my head can seem a lot to cope with, it would be total and utter chaos if I added my alcoholic carnage to the mix.

All The Best, Peace.