duqld1717

He is a liquor sales rep!!! So fitting. So sad. I am not a big drinker at all and he tells me maybe if I would drink more, we would get along better.

ACT10Npack

Not trying to make you feel bad with this but if you knew before hand why did you started something with his in the first place? I can understand if your boyfriend was hiding his drinking from you but it seems like he shows how he ask when drinking.

duqld1717

I didnt know. He was totally different at the beginning. He didnt drink for the first 2 months and he took me out on nice dates. I fell in love and as soon as he knew i was hooked, this other side came out and i feel blindsided.

ACT10Npack

It comes down to you if you want to be in the relationship. If you don't like this side of him and he will not change then you should move on. You can't change someone to what you want him to be. Guys don't do that and they will only change if they feel the need to do so. It seems like you only been together for less than 6 months which is not that long in the first place.

Supercrew

My wife felt the same way about me before we got married, but she never brought it to my attention. Then we got married and she wanted me to change. My thoughts were, "Can you believe this!!, she is cool with the way I party, I have been doing it for the last 5 years prior to us getting married, and now she wants me to change??" I resented her for a long time because of it, and it didn't stop me. Looking back, I was an out of control binge drinker at the time, and got drunk as a skunk every weekend. But I didn't think I had a problem, and nothing she could say at that time would have made me quit, even threats of her leaving me. Then came the DUI at around the 4th year of marriage, and we just had our first son together, and I still didn't see myself as having a problem, but the threats got a little more attention. It took about 9 years after that for me to realize that I had become the alcoholic that she thought I was to begin with. But until I saw what the alcohol was doing to me, and until I accepted the fact that I had a problem nothing was going to really change. I'm glad I finally realized it, I just wish she could have made me realize it earlier!

Supercrew

I know alot of alcohol/beer/wine reps, and they are all big drinkers, I think it goes with the territory. I wouldn't expect to see a big change out of him anytime soon.

TheReader

I have been in your shoes. I thought I could change my spouse. I thought 31 years ago when we married, he would do just as I and give up drinking when we had a family after we married. I drank socially and saw a few incidents prior to the marriage where I wondered if he had a problem, but had never been exposed to alcoholism. I thought people drank to have fun in those days. He only finally quit drinking about 5 years ago when our child was an adult and he retired from working. He really had to decide for himself. It was tough as he was like your BF as he may goes for a few days and not drink at all, but when he drank he had to have 12 or 15 beers until he passed out -drank all day. I just could not understand his behavior, as he was a healthcare professional. Never touched pill/drugs, but alcohol was his DOC. As long as we went to alcohol free events all those years he drank, he would stay sober. It was strange thinking back. He was an "alone drinker" - almost always stayed home, working in yard, etc. and just drank til he passed out. I never knew though when I could count on him or not and that was hard. I went to many evening school events alone b/c of this.

Looking back now, I probably should not have stayed, but I had my reasons. I coped by taking pills, but am now recovering. You see, if you compromise yourself and loose yourself, you will turn to something to cope. That is my life message and story to share. We all make our choices, but I am hopeful that with SR and other support groups, more will discover there is help and there are those who care and understand.

reggiewayne

Yes. By definition, an alcoholic is a person who has an abnormal reaction to alcohol - a physical craving. Meaning, he wants his 2nd drink more than his 1st, his 3ed worse than his 2nd, etc... Being an alcoholic has nothing to do with how often you drink, but more to do with losing control once you start.

That's really not even an opinion, that's pretty much a fact...

gabagool

Personally, I think IF he loves you, says he loves you, KNOWS you DON'T want him to drink AND he STILL drinks KNOWING you will leave him............he has a problem with alcohol.

Christ, losing the love of your life over booze HAS GOT to be a bad sign....otherwise I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL BEING AN ALCOHOLIC IS.......