duqld1717

Hi, I am so confused because my boyfriend doesnt drink all week long but on the weekends he cant control himself to the point on slurring his words and stumbling around. Ive begged him to cut back and he never does. I care about him alot and he is fine all week, but notoriously every weekend we have to go out to the bar and i have to sit there and watch him get completely drunk beyond belief. I need advice...What is this considered??

Muzzwell

He wouldn't happen to be a fellow brit would he?
I had this pattern quite a few years ago. Is it socially driven or does he get this way on his own?

suki44883

Didn't you post this yesterday or am I confusing you with someone else? Yes, he can most certainly be an alcoholic and not drink during the week. Binge drinkers can go days, weeks, and sometimes months without a drink, but when they do pick up, they drink until they are totally smashed. He isn't going to stop just because you want him to, and you do not have to go sit in the bar and watch him drink himself into a stupor. You have choices, just as he does.

duqld1717

Not British. It is usually when we go out to a bar with other people around. But we go out every weekend and sometimes both friday and saturday. Then he golfs on sunday and gets drunk. Monday rolls around then the drinking stops until friday.

duqld1717

I needed more advice. I am so torn trying to understand whether or not he does this just for fun on the weekends and could stop if he wanted or if he really has to do it because he's addicted and will do this until he gets professional help. I cant tell because he doesnt withdrawel. Maybe he's just fighting it all week until the weekend rolls around.

Taking5

You posted the other day and I thought you had come to the conclusion that you don't want this in a relationship. Am I right?

If so, did you change your mind? What else are you looking for?

Kjell

Yes.

The amount or frequency has little to do with it.

I would focus on what happens when he does drink. Does he often do things he regrets? Does he engage in wreckless behavior? Does he, often times, seem unable to control how much he drinks once he starts?

duqld1717

I just dont know if he is addicted to drinking or if he just drinks alot on the weekend to have a good time. Could he stop without professional help? I need some more info for closure for myself and also more info for when i confront him for the last time.

bellakeller

If alcohol is causing problems in his life, he's an alcoholic, no matter when, how much, what he drinks.

But really, what would you do with this info if you had it? Would you tell him to get help? You know he needs help already otherwise you wouldn't be here. He might not know it. The only way he can know this is if the problems become so painful that he needs to make changes.

If you leaving is a problem for him, he may make changes or he may not. But you have to protect yourself. Obviously, his disease is causing you problems and it sounds like you're ready to get some help with it.

Good luck. This disease sucks and I hate that you are going through this.

FrothyJay

It's not what you drink, how much you drink, or when you drink. It's what happens when you drink.

An alcoholic is powerless over alcohol. Two questions I asked myself:

1) When I put it in me, does it scream "give me more?"
2) When I swear it off, do I drink again anyway?

It's often found useful to attempt controlled drinking in order to find your answers to the above questions.

-When you drink, limit yourself to two drinks.
- Swear off alcohol for six months or so.

Trying these may provide more evidence for consideration.

Dee74

Hi duqld17

Welcome

None of us here can diagnose your bf.

That is certainly binge drinking and it's not healthy.

That was my pattern of drinking for many years & I certainly had a problem, but I know many other people tho who, after many years drinking this way, insist they're not alcoholic.

I think the important thing here to consider is does he think he has a problem? does he want to quit?

if the answer's no, then maybe you have to decide what the line of no return is for you in this relationship.

D

Supercrew

I would consider him a binge drinker. Some binge drinkers can regulate, but their purpose while drinking is to get hammered. This was always my main purpose for drinking, and at some point I found that regulating just to weekends wasn't working for me anymore so I continued to drink to the point it was almost daily.

That being said, 50% of the people I know who drink, drink just like your boyfriend does either weekly or twice a month. I just happened to be one of those people who took it to the next level.

ACT10Npack

Talk to your boyfriend about this and tell him that you're worry about his weekend binge drinking. You don't know if he is drinking that heavy because of problems, depression or just want to have fun with the guys. If it's the first 2 then he will most likely get worst and if it's the third one then it comes down to if you want that type of person in your life with a problem drinker.

duqld1717

He is fully aware that I have a problem with his binge drinking and he does nothing to make it better so I am beginning to think he cannot control it. When someone is aware that something is bothering you and they dont at least try to fix it, it usually means they dont care enough or they flat out CANT.

SoberDrunk

Maybe its time to reevaluate the relationship? From my experience, it will only get worse..

loveon2legs

he won't stop unless he want to, nothing you can say will stop it...the decision has to be his....I had to want sobriety with all my heart....my family couldn't stop me....let him know what you want. set some boundaries...because what you feel is important...you are important...

joedris

There's nothing you can do about your boyfriend's drinking. He knows he has a problem and knows that this bothers you. Whether he can't or won't stop drinking is irrelevant, the point is that he continues to drink. It's a choice he makes.

You need to accept the fact that there's nothing you can do for him. You made your feelings known. Now you have to decide whether to continue in the relationship or get out. I assure you that things won't get any better. He's made his choice; now you have to make yours.

duqld1717

I have asked him before if he thinks he has a problem and he has said no. I think he thinks this way because he doesnt drink everyday. But what he doesnt realize that when he does drink, its BAD and EXTREME. But from everyone's posts, i do understand now that how often doesnt really matter its more about what happens when the drinking occurs and how it effects his life. He would probably be a bum on the street if he didnt have a job that let him only work 3 hours a day and then go home. He purposely chose this type of job so that he wouldnt have any restrictions. I do not think he could function in an office type setting because he has been giving promotions and has turned them down because it required 40 hours a week and working in office. He's screwed if he ever loses his 3 hour a day job.

Anna

I think you know what the answer to your question is, but you are hoping that it will be something different. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he wants to stop drinking, nor does it sound like he is able to stop drinking. Personally, I don't see how confronting him again would be helpful. I hope that you seek support for yourself here on the Friends & Families forum and/or at AlAnon.

ACT10Npack

What type of job does your boyfriend does? How long have you known your boyfriend and did you stop drinking and now you see how your boyfriend act because you don't drink.