Creekryder

I have been having a long chat with myself and, after many days of discourse, have convinced myself to begin the process of sobriety. Tonight is the beginning. I must do this, as I'm not sure I will survive another bout of drinking. Tonight, I have no color in my words, only quiet submission to begin that journey I have done so many times before. I know I must do this regardless of the failed attempts in the past. To quote my own words, there is no past, no future, only the present. I choose to live without the alcohol in this present.
Bear with me, as I know I'm in for a rough ride, but I'm choosing to make a stand tonight.

Padraic

Murray4x5

Count me, as one of many here, who is standing at your shoulder. Lean on us whenever you feel the need.

Murray

Peter G

Count me in as one of many. You can do this Creekryder, we're pulling for you.

artsoul

Good decision - I'm sending hugs and prayers........ Little by little, your words will have color again. Together we can do this!

ANGELINA243

Glad to see you posting again.

rhainnon34

I am starting today too! I am with you.

Dee74

Count me in too, man

D

AWOL

Yip, I'm with you Creekryder and rhainnon.

littlefish

The beauty of your writing Padraic always touches me. In my long and crooked journey of sobriety I have come to so many understandings. One of them was realizing that the passion I have for creating art is intrinsically connected to spirituality. I finally understood that there is no blending of two wholly contradictory activities: if I want to create, I cannot drink. If I want to show up for life, I cannot drink, if I want to be accountable...well, you get the pic.

Do you have some kind of program? Any support network? A plan for sobriety?

Although I am a fierce loner, I finally surrendered and accepted that I cannot do this by myself. One of my better decisions.

CarolD

For me to actually quit....I had to want to
more than I wanted to drink.

I so hope you are at that point ..

Rusty Zipper

creeky, stop the gab fests,

and take action bro

good wishes to you

Hevyn

Creekryder - Can't tell you how glad I am to see you here with new resolve. It made my day, as I've been worrying about you since your last post. I drank my whole life in an attempt to enhance things - or numb myself against unpleasantness. What I thought was helping me ended up ripping my life to shreds. We diehards have a battle, Padraic, but I know you can win it like I did. (3 yrs. sober, when I didn't think I could get through one day without it.)

Please stay with us and let us share this journey with you. Give yourself chance to get past the uncomfortable stage and into the sunlight once again. As littlefish said, if we want to show up for life, we cannot drink. I'm so happy you've come to this conclusion, my friend.

BobGT

Good decision! Better times lie ahead.

ReadyAndAble

Yep, this here creek is not a smooth ride, but one you can handle with a little help from your friends.

LaFemme

You have so much support here...add mine to it.

P.s. - I used to think my creative talent was tied to my problems with alcohol...I am really happy to find out I was wrong

MsCooterBrown

Count me in too Mister! AND GAB all you want!! I just stopped in to see how you did today. Night.

xuse

i am staring today also

Creekryder

Thanks to all for the kind thoughts and compassion. I am doing very well tonight by being sober. I found that putting on headphones and listening to Shakuhatchi flute music while pruning my bonsai trees was a perfect relaxation exercise. I gave no thought to drinking. So leaving my words behind, I am going to bed and get a good nights rest.

Thanks for being there, everyone.

Peace,
Padraic

Creekryder

Tonight, I received a paycheck. It has been over 6 weeks since the company where I am employed has issued payroll. I can attest that working and not receiving compensation became quite a source of stress. So I drank to relieve the stress. However when a would awake at 3 a.m., the worries came flooding into my head. So I would drink to relieve that mental state. The guilt of spending money I didn't have on alcohol caused more guilt, so I would drink to gain a reprieve from that. I was becoming an Ouroboros, swallowing my own tail in an endless circle that was pulling me farther and farther into depression. So t received a paycheck and my booze brain jumped for joy. "Fantastic! Let's celebrate and get something to drinK!" my muddled brain told me. You see, all the drunken brain can do is muster up reasons to drink, through either bad times or good times. They are all just excuses fabricated to push us to drink.

Much to the dismay of that booze brain, I did not go buy alcohol, but rather came home, ate dinner, and worked on some graphic design on my computer. Day 2 was secure; no alcohol. So, with heavy eyes and want of sleep, I will bid you all a fair evening (or whatever portion of the day you are having.) Tomorrow is a new day for a renewed commitment for us all to enjoy with a clear head.

Peace
Padraic

Creekryder

Falling to sleep...sober on day 2. Would like to write something inspiring for someone, but an honest fatigue, not induced by alcohol, is not allowing my fingers to do anything but close the laptop and say goodnite.

Peace to all,
Padraic