GreenAces

So apparantly I have more drinking to do. I've been in and out of AA over the years been to rehab, all that jazz.. The last time it seemed too perfect to be true.. I went through the steps and pursued sponsees all that good stuff...

But today some circumstances got ahold of me... I bought a bottle of whiskey and stared at it for almost an hour before I opened it but I don't know... I guess I just have more drinking to do, it's a game of circle, and this time I thought I got out of it but apparently I have more levels to play...

I don't even know if I want help right now... This isn't even a cry for help I don't think, I got stuck back in the bottle, and that's just where I am right now, and I guess I just wanted to share that.

Dee74

I don't believe people 'have more drinking to do' - and I think if you really thought that you wouldn't bother to post GA.

I believe we have a say in what happens - you have the tools and contacts. You're at the crossroads. What you do next matters.

My advice is tip the booze out and ring some numbers, man - you don;t have to dig any deeper....

Lay the shovel down.
D

SASA

so, why again do you want to wake up tomorrow feeling hungover? You want to go trough all the withdrawels again? I am not sure why you want to punish and poison yourself? Give me a good reason, I think you can do better.

GreenAces

I really don't know.. I guess my being away from my family, and my depression has again grabbed ahold of me. My best friend who was with me in the navy from the very start 4 years ago through bootcamp, to deployments and who was my roomate got out on friday and when I was going through my stuff and packing things away I noticed that he broke in to my room and stole some pretty sentimental things, and I guess it just grabbed a hold of me... I didn't even feel that tilted, sure I was aggravated quite a bit but that was all.. I for some reason bought a bottle of whiskey, and than.... hmmmmmmmm

SASA

so how would drinking help you and improve your situation?

GreenAces

We both know the answer to that question.

SASA

well I would play the tape forward, you would have 1 drink, then another, then another and blackout.Tomorrow I would feel all guilty and depressed. Wen I feel down I usually go for chocolate or cake. Also you could call your family. Drinking does not get you your things back and does not make your friend return. It will make you all miserable and you know that.

bellakeller

that sucks. i hate it for you. please come back.

Corri

Five years ago, I went through a nasty divorce. As I was dealing with all that fun, I also went through a year of physical therapy, recovering from injuries sustained in a car accident (non-alcohol related). Every friend I thought I had, from my married years, went away. Panic/anxiety attacks hit, I dropped into depression -- then my thyroid went to hell. My career started tanking... and I wasn't even drinking yet!

So... a few drinks a night turned into more and more and more... you know the drill.

I hit my bottom when my oldest son called 911 and my ass landed in the hospital.

So. Now the alcohol is gone, and I find myself working backwards through the first paragraph up there. I'm sober 17 days.

I get the 'ah, fck it' attitude. I do. But if you can steer yourself clear of the bottle, call your AA friends... see a doctor to see how you might deal with the depression through diet and/or medication. Understand your life isn't going to flip to great on a dime, but you know as well as anyone, it will not, for certain, get better while a bottle is your buddy.

You are not feeling well, on a lot of levels. Recognize it for what it is, and let a REAL doctor, not Dr. Jack, Dr. Dan or Dr. Johnny, treat you.

Ghostly

I hope you're ok Green.

This bums me out. It's your business what you do, but I've really enjoyed readin your posts. You've inspired me.

I think sobriety might be even more difficult for those in the service, and I have that much more admiration for you cuz of it.

Hope you're ok brother.

Misssy2

Hi - You just unfortunetly aren't ready. Its so scary...because you don't know what will happen to you TO MAKE IT YOUR TIME. I am a true believer in when it is your time...you will stop...if your time is to come. Because I have been sober for 5 years...and I have had so many reasons to drink in the past 5 years...I currently can not see my Grandson because of a long story..but short of it...my son is addicted to drugs...AND SO IS SHE...but she took the baby and it has been 3 months since we have seen him..he is 2....it is in the court process and we keep getting postponed...my son goes home and uses everytime...I come home and don't....MY INSIDES are raw from chruning and being stressed constantly...but I don't drink..I WANT to...but I don't...I just know that I will die the next time I drink...I had to learn that the hard way...Brave of you to share....I'm in your corner...this is a baffling problem..this alcoholism.

MsCooterBrown

Hi GA!!! I always wonder where you are when I don't see posts from you. But this is bass ackwards. You are supposed to post BEFORE you buy the whiskey...after the fact it is a done deal. You let the alcoholic side win out on the argument with your sober side. I did that once. Will not do it again. BUT I ceased having "good drunks"...mine were dark sickening BAD drunks. So I don't go there again. I spose everyone has to find out for themselves. And you must have been hell bent or we woulda heard from you before..anyway..I know you know we will be here for you Mister..take care.

Untoxicated

Talk to me Goose...

You've got plenty of wingmen and wingwomen here to offer you support. As MCBrown mentioned, talk to us before those impasses involving the purchased bottle and the fragile mind. (I've lost far more than I've ever won.) Come back soon and get that missile lock back on what's important.

jj82

I know what it's like, and I may be way off-base here with how you're feeling, to go out again and be like "this obviously sucks, but is it ENOUGH to make me get sober/stay sober?" Which to me could somehow be translated to "not being ready".

Not sure if that's how you're feeling, but if it is, I totally understand being in that space..

LaFemme

Hey GA...you know all the standard responses we are going to give you....I know that because I've seen you give them to others.

I don't believe you "have more drinking to do" that's a dumb excuse and if I were to use it I would hope you would knock some sense into my head.

As MsCB said you are supposed to post before you take the first sip...since you've already done that I will send you my prayers that when you wake up tomorrow you realize your mistake and return to the sober path.

Hugs, LaFemme

Kmber2010

GA, you have our support. I have had quite a few moments this past year where I went whats the point in my head. I came here and vented like nobody's business and refused to pick up. Almost like a 2 person convo with myself but I refused.

Being a military wife overseas in recovery....lol...yeah I have oodles of support in my personal life.....ummm no. I have to reach out for it and while my face to face support is tremendous for me.....its just being here that helps me work through the ups/downs of life and well my baggage from years back.

Hope you toss that bottle out and stay on with the support.

You deserve better and I value your experience my friend......we all do

Anna

You can learn new, healthy ways to deal with stress and upset.

I hope you decide to live a sober life.

keithj

GreenAcres,

Do you have some people in your life to whom you are spiritually accountable? Who love you enough to tell you the truth? There were a few people when I got sober and a few people in my life today who have a knack for spotting the alcoholic who is dying in front of them. Even though I was saying all the right things, and bluffing my way through the day, these people could see right through me.

These were the people that had a solution for me. I've read your posts over the last few months, and I haven't seen a Step 1 experience. That's neither a good or bad thing, but I found it a necessary thing in taking the rest of the Steps. Without that experience, the Steps were just an intellectual exercise that didn't bring the necessary transformation.

Finding those people who understood that fact for themselves and could spot it in me was essential.

Lushwell

You've decided to play the ends against the middle.....dove in to experience the positives of addiction, with intent to jump back out before the flames get too high and hot. This last part is where we get burned. The getting back out part.

Regardless of our intent, our exit is bound and blocked until we hit the "Bad'nuffs". When it hurts bad'nuff, when the damage is bad'nuff, the experience of loss is bad'nuff, we'll start looking for that rabbit hole that leads us back out.

"This time I'll mark the rabbit hole better". "I won't go so far from the rabbit hole this time". The truth is, our intentions get tossed and lost in the twister of alcoholism, until we loose sense of direction. Then it gets real bad. Go ask Alice. In the not-ready for-prime-time TV-version, the lions, tigers and bears become horror, bewilderment and shame.

We are alike. The risk takers. We seem compelled, like a bull to a red cape. Classic examples of the insanity of our illness. In spite of what we know.....

I'll hold a lantern by the rabbit hole.

Mark75

You sure about that?